Married for 14 years, together for 18 with 3 kids. Nearly 4 months ago we separated as I discovered a gambling problem that has apparently been going on for 2years. The past 2 years have not been good as I have switched off from the marriage after years of not being a priority.
Since day 1 of our relationship he has prioritised himself for example he would play football at the weekend and some nights during the week, that is okay before kids but his life didn’t change after kids came along and has even said if it was a choice between time with me or football he would choose football. He would also prioritise nights out and at times would be verbally abusive, waking me up in the middle of the night after one of his benders. He can be a nasty drunk and does not know when to stop so would binge to the point he would wet himself.
I grew up in a house where there was drink problems and he couldn’t see how his drinking would affect me.
He once refused to stay home to help with the kids when my mum was seriously ill in hospital so he could play football then go on to a night out. He left in the morning and didn’t come back until early hours the next day.
I have always dealt with all life admin, kids, school, house, shopping, everything to the point where our lives have not changed very much since he left.
My relationship with his family has not been great for the past couple of years either as they seem to think he is entitled to do all these things. There are a lot of addiction problems in his family including his dad who is also a binge drinker and has racked up gambling debts at least 3 times now so they think I am the problem. I have asked him to get help for the gambling but they don’t think he has a problem so he’s not going to do it. I know the problem will happen again just like it has with his dad.
There was actually a nice person there once which is why I stuck around for so long and I got all the promises he would change and make me a priority but it never came. Up until a couple of weeks ago he said he wanted to work things out and I said I would give him a chance but he still done nothing. What changed a couple of weeks ago was I discovered that 30 days after he moved out he signed up to a dating site and sex/hook up sites. I have accessed his profiles and he hasn’t actually done anything on them but can’t see the problem with signing up in the first place as just thinks it’s a laugh. It wouldn’t be a laugh if his teenage kids knew.
He can’t see the reason for me switching off in the first place is a reaction to all his behaviours over the years. I feel like I know it is over but I’m clinging on to a tiny bit of hope that he could change and fight for me and his kids.
It wasn’t all bad over the years and we did have some good times but am I hoping for something that is never going to happen?