To ask how to live with extreme regret when my decisions have devestated other people? sions have

[Frogmarch89]

I just can't get past this feeling of regret. How do people move on from bad decisions. I can't even eat because of a constant nausea in my stomach. I can't think about anything else. I can't move on.

You make decisions based on the info you have at the time. Hindsight will not charge those initial facts.

Counseling to talk it through and process everything that happened, the decision you made and how you’re feeling now.

I guess the answer would be completely different depending on what the decision is though! If the decision that devastated other people was the decision to murder someone it would be very different to if the decision was something like deciding to come out as gay which some people would be devastated by.

So I’m not asking you to say what you did - but, are those people correct/justified in being devastated or are they being self centred and you’ve not actually done anything wrong?

Did you shag someone you shouldn't have shagged?

How long ago did all this happen?

The first step is to give yourself time and care whilst it all sinks in.

Also is this something that happened recently? My friend always says it takes 72 hours for an emotional blow to start softening and I’ve always found them to be correct. You might just need time (obviously not if this is something that happened a long time ago!)

Depends on what happened. Is apology possible at all in your case and appropriate?

I find disassociation and distraction very helpful. I've made some tape curlingly awful decisions and at one point played them over and over in my head (usually between 2-5am). I was driving myself mad and it wasn't helping or changing anything so I either zone out or walk up a mountain when I start.

*toe curlingly

This. A psychiatrist once asked me whether I had made the decisions I did with good intentions, based on what I knew at the time and I could honestly answer that I had. It took a lot of time for me to get past that regret though, so maybe that’s part of the answer.

Try not to feed it. Build some new memories. Go and do other things that make you feel good about yourself. Hope you feel better soon.

This is what we’re taught in emergency planning. You can end up making decisions that mean people die, but we’re taught to base decisions on facts not assumptions and with good intentions to save the most people.

I have a vivid memory of me, my mum and my sister standing in the hospice on the day my dad was admitted. Mum said to both of us “we make the decisions based on what we know now and we don’t look back and second guess them later”. It was the best decision we ever made.

It does fade, eventually. My colleague said to me ' this bad decision doesn't cancel out all the good you've done.'

At the very least, if you're having a bad night, just have it. If you wake up, sit up, put the light on, listen to something soothing, read a book. Things usually look less desperate in the morning.

I am a Christian and my faith helps me greatly at times like these, especially the story of the prodigal son.
We have all done things that we regret, things we know were wrong. It’s part of being human - we make mistakes.

You do the best thing at the time with the facts/info/insight that you have at that time. Don't beat yourself up

There’s been some really comforting and helpful advice and support on this thread. I hope that it helps you op.

I made a choice with a catastrophic outcome even though I knew the likelihood that this would be the outcome.
That was 16 years ago. Truth is, I don't know how I live with it. It's faded from raw pain that made me howl with sorrow to resignation and acceptance of my actions.

There are some really helpful responses here, thank you everybody. I made the decision with good intentions but admittedly didn't consider some really obvious serious consequences which have now happened.

I've made some really bad decisions. I know I've made them out of fear/being a coward. Learning a bit more fight/flight/freeze is helping me to understand why I made some of those decisions.

But you can’t see the future, what seems obvious in hindsight didn’t occur to you at the time and that’s all you can do. The best you can with what you have. Humans make mistakes.
apologise sincerely to anyone who deserves it and then try and build some new memories and things that do good in future.