to just tell my DH I am hiring a cleaner...

[bb99]

We have had a system (ROFL) of getting up on a Saturday morning to do 1 - 2 hours of house cleaning and clearance. This is what we agreed to AGES ago, and it has RARELY happened, so lucky (now back working FT) me gets to do the (more than) lions share.

Considering my DH spends between 20 and 50 pounds each week on fun (but not necessary IMHO) sundries each week, like expensive wine (usually in a block of £200+ when his dad goes to France...) curries, chocolate, CD's, computer games, DVD's and other bits and bobs AIBU to spend some of the money I EARN on a fecking cleaner, as I am totally sick of being the only MUG who gets up on a Saturday morning and as I am being co-erced back to work (we couldn't possibly afford (to buy curries and booze for me and run only one car, so I would have to be more thoughtful about what I am doing) to exist without your paltry take home after the extorsionate childcare costs... IYSWIM (yes, very good value childcare looking at the bigger picture).

My DH is very lovely in many ways and I did not get any sleep last night - DS has miserable cold, so I may be feeling this a bit more than usual, but after being told for months that WE (read I) have no money and we're sooooo poor (read I), I am a bit sick and tired of DH doing whatever HE wants with all this money we don't have, and every time I want to do something that involves the good old troublesome greenstuff and could benefit THE WHOLE FAMILY, getting told we're really hard up.....

Example - new family car, bought with extra mortgage money. Was I asked if we needed a new car? No. When questionned (Oh, if we have so little money, do we really need a new car NOW?) told, of course we do, we MUST buy it now...OK it has made life a little simpler (we can now more easily move the wine back to our house from the PILs house and DH gets to swan about in this lovely new car, while I get to trade in MY car and get his knackered old hand me downs....

Rant over, going d/stairs now to breath deeply, smile sweetly and try to avoid being on the evening news by beating poor DH to death with a vacuum cleaner (if he realises WHAT one is....) oh and to ask around about good local cleaners....

Go for it.

And while you're at it, go and download the budget thingy from moneysaverexpert.com and figure out exactly how much his 'fun' stuff is costing your family a year. it's shocking when you see it down there in black and white.

He can't behave like this, he has to stop behaving like a teenager and you (sorry if this sounds harsh, I too have an overgrown adolescent of a DH when it comes to certain matters!) have to stop enabling him. It's not HIS money vs. YOUR money, it is FAMILY money and he cannot get away with making major purchases without your input! (again, sorry if I've misread but that's how it reads with car/wine etc).

Good luck and go get that cleaner!

Good idea about the budget - I've tabled a family budgetting conference for this w/end

I know it's a tough one for him, when we started living together he had a big rise in the fun money that he had available (as I picked up the tabs for half of everything, where he'd had to pay the lot before), so you're right about the collusion element of my behaviour, and he is a bit of a spoilt boy (VERY indulgent parents in some ways) and we have bought a much larger mortgage in the last 6 months, so now he suddenly has a lot less money than he used to etc etc but I am getting to the point where I do need him to move on from adolescence - I like the harsh teenagery references, that's exactly what it feels like

We did have a financial plan when we first got together all those years ago but somehow it kept getting pushed to the back of the priority list, so I'm going to table it on the financial agenda this weekend...

Well, given what you've said is going on, I certainly wouldn't blame you if you went ahead and got a cleaner. But if you're really concerned about money and absolutely don't want to work full time - maybe you and DH can sit down and have a talk about this.

Tell him he has options - but it's got to be a compromise. If he's going to continue spending money like water without your agreement, then you shouldn't have to work full time simply to support his spendthrift ways.

Maybe you can provide him with an option - either you work full time and get a cleaner, or you don't get a cleaner and you only work part time.

You also might want to sit down and make up a list of what purchases are "needs" and what are "wants". We try to allow ourselves a small amount of money for "wants" each month - such as a bottle of wine or a takeaway - but it's a very small amount and that's for both of us as it's always a joint decision. It's silly, but I think we appreciate it more because it's not something we do very often. I will admit that it's hard sometimes - but we try to keep each other on track with "do we really need it?"

yes, but he should pay for half of it.
it is his expense.
either he does half of the housework, or he can pay for it.

Im also thinking about getting a cleaner, mainly because the state of the house is really getting to me and with 2 kids (one 3yrs and one 8 mo) I have no time to anything apart from basic washing up and putting some clothes in the machine! I know my dh wont like the idea at first so i'll have to talk him round. How much do they approx cost (we are also generally quite poor...but am willing to go without somethings for the sake of my sanity!) and what do they do? Is it just hoovering, mopping and polishing?

Agree you need to talk, as the issues obviously go well beyond the cleaning. I would disembowel my dh if he bought a new car without consulting me (tho my dad used to do this w. my mum so you're not alone).

Regarding the cleaner: We used to have a cleaner for 2 hours a week when I was working full time (my husband wasn't keen either). The difference it made to our quality of life (actually mostly mine) was incredible. Well worth every penny.
Now I'm a SAHM I do it all myself but I still miss her (sob )

Agree with harpsichordcarrier.

mumof2 - wherabouts in the country do you live? Here in South Yorkshire I would say you could get someone for £7/8 per hour quite easily, but it may be higher down south.

Fwiw, I found the best use of my cleaner was to get her to clean, rather than tidy. So I either tidied up before she came - so she could find the floor - or told her to pile everything left lying around on the sofa/bed and clean round it.

She used to clean about a third of the house every week (so I had the comfort of knowing everything was really well cleaned at least every 3 weeks) and would tackle anything really. Tho she looked so reproachfully at me when I asked her to clean my oven (my least favourite household chore) that I never did dare ask her again

wb - LOL! I'd be afraid to ask anyone to clean my oven!! It's a bit scary!

nothing to talk about. Book a cleaner and tell him HE is paying for it, as he rightly points out, YOU can't afford it.

If he wants to discuss, start with the fun money budget...............

Thanks Wb, I live up north...was thinking around the £7 mark, and perhaps twice a week for two hours a sess. But Im concerned I'll end up tidying and cleaning for her coming round iykwim!
I like the line "Im not your bloody mother..." I'll be using that myself!

Go get a cleaner. Then tell him to sit down and write down all your incoming and outgoings (from the last wine splurge onwards) so you can figure out a way to save money.

Thats why we have our accounts, and a household account - when things change we work out the required amount in the house account per month, and then pro rata it based on our takehome pay. All money in our own accounts is just that - no justifications required, else I'd get fed up with DH buying DVDs and stuff, and he could have a go at my about my new slings.

Just hire a cleaner - I have 4 hours a week for 30 quid, and she does everything - washing up, kitchen, hoovers, dusts, does internal glass, bathrooms, puts washing/drying on, and irons. And gets reproachful if we have tidied up before she comes..

Just do it.
Men are brilliant at spending money on things they want but us girls agonise (as above)
Develop the male brain, if you want it, need it and can afford it...do it.
Anyway if your cleaner came in during the week when he's at work he probably won't notice anyway.

Book the cleaner but get lazy bones to pay for it.