what would you think if you overheard your child describe themselves as a spoilt brat?

[cannonballz]

At random...

YABU - worrying, indicative of self esteem issue or other issue

YANBU - fine, probably a good thing they are self aware

It would depend or not whether I suspected it was true.

Is this something they have heard someone say about them?
Are they old enough to understand what it means?
Be honest - are they spoilt?

I might also reflect on my own parenting. Are they a spoilt brat?

Context is everything…

That they had heard an adult use that horrible term and had co-opted it.

I would say spoiled rather than spoilt!

If I heard a child say that ,I would be very judgmental about the parenting involved.

This. The child hasn't got the phrase from nowhere!

I'd wonder why another adult was describing my child in that way. And I might ask the child where they'd heard it.

And I'd also reflect on whether there could be a grain of truth in there.

It was actually a couple of years ago, but still sometimes on my mind - friend was complaining about a classmate who was causing many problems at the time. Friend said they thought the classmate was a spoilt brat who always got everything they wanted. My child said - that's no excuse, I am a spoilt brat who always gets everything I want, and I don't behave like that.

It did make me think, and once I thought about it, I though they were right. And it is no bad thing they recognise it - in fact they recognised it more clearly than I did. But I still think about that comment

And they have grown up successful and happy - I just still think about that comment

What do you think the difference is?

Spoiled refers to parent's behaviour, spoilt refers to child's behaviour

That is a distinction only you are making - the two spellings are interchangeable (spoiled more common in the US, spoilt more common in the U.K)

It depends on their age. Teenager - great, own your privilege. Toddler - someone has been putting them down.

How old are they?

Cross posted with @CatherinedeBourgh . Exactly what i was going to say.

It's a distinction I have heard alot growing up and as an adult, in the UK. Especially when talking about kids and how parents treat them.

about 14 or 15 at the time

It is not my distinction, it is a distinction in the English language - the two words are not interchangeable. not in the UK. Of course, they might mean something slightly different in USA

They really aren’t. You’ve invented a distinction and superimposed a theory of child behaviour based on a fallacy.

I'd say your child mistakenly thought 'spoiled brat' just meant priveleged. It's used a lot that way, with people constantly conflating 'spoiled' with fortunate, or being the recipient of generosity. 'You're spoiling me...' etc. I'd think it was nice my child recognised their priveleges, and I'd explain to them what spoiled brat actually meant.

A spoiled brat is someone who behaves terribly when they do get their own way/everything they want. Not just a child who gets a lot. So I think your child maybe just didn’t understand.

I think I’d cringe a bit if a child said it in the context yours did, but there’s no harm done.

No, both refer to the parents behaviour. Whether they are spoilt or spoiled, the expression literally means that the treatment they have recieved from their parents has 'ruined' them because they haven't been brought up to have the requisit qualities of a decent (unspoilt) person due to the parents indulgence. The child's behaviour is merely the indicator people use to decide if they think the spoiling has occurred. Ie, a spoilt/spoiled child behaves in a way that indicates their character has been spoilt/spoiled by their parents.

Sounds like he’s using the term in a loose way to mean something like “privileged”. I would be pleased that he has an awareness of his good fortune.

Agree, not something I think to be proud of!

Yeah, there isn't any difference. When people say "spoiled" / "spoiled brat", they don't mean "his parents give him everything he wants, but he's lovely despite that". They mean the child is a spoiled brat - ruined/badly behaved because they've never been told no or set reasonable boundaries.

I've never heard anyone use the term "spoiled brat" without intending to say something negative about the child's behaviour.