Is it me, or is this just how people are?

[MyGreenFinch]

I'm finding it so hard to get anyone to come and do anything around the house, and I'm starting to wonder if I'm doing something that puts people off.

I have the feeling that we're all much less likely to keep to agreements these days, but logic suggests that there's a reason why people keep ghosting me. They are really communicative... until they're not.

The two most recent occurrences: a great cleaner came and did a big clean of my house. Then perhaps a month later she came back for a smaller clean. After that we arranged for her to come and do some ironing. On the day she didn't show up, and never opened my message. I've passed her on the street since, so I know she's still alive ;-) I was wondering whether I'd said or done something wrong the second time she was here, but she did text me to make the third appointment before eventually ghosting.

Then I had a handyman who came and did some odd jobs for me. All went great. Came back another time and did some more. Again all good. Then I had a bigger job (still not that major) for him, and he wanted to come over and discuss and measure up. All fine and everything was agreed. I just had to order the bits and pieces he needed, which I did. Then I tried to make a date for him to do the work. No answer. I messaged again and he replied saying he'd been busy, but still didn't mention a date. Do I message him a third time, or am I just not getting the hint? In the meantime I'm sitting here with £100 of materials taking up space, and an unfinished job that means we can't leave our back door open. I just want it done!

I have ADHD so on the one hand I'm not sure if there are social cues that I'm missing or if I come across as odd, but on the other hand I have the associated RSD (if you know, you know) so I wonder if I'm being too sensitive.

YABU: people are just more flakey these days, don't take it personally
YANBU: you're clearly putting people off, after all you're the common denominator here!

Edited to add: obviously I could call people if they don't respond to texts, but presumably someone who's a no-show isn't going to change their mind just because I ring them, right?

I don't have ADHD, nor does DH, and we both deal with this type of thing. It's still always surprising and disappointing when someone just ignores an appointment. Sometimes it's a struggle just to find a business willing to answer their phone! They must be doing well to not need our money.

DH owns his own business, and if he doesn't answer the phone, he runs the risk of either missing out on new clients or losing the ones he already has, so he answers the phone! It's not a part of the job he enjoys, but it is part of the job.

People are annoying.

It is not you it is a minefield out there. We have been there it is horrible. After years of this finally we have a regular cleaner by an agency plus a more manageable garden and the company that provides the cleaner cleans the window and garden.

@MonsteraMama and @User1979289

I’m a millennial and I definitely think that there is a generational culture difference which makes it much easier to be flaky.

Why - when our house phones weren’t mobile, we had to stick to our word. Now, if something comes up we have the tools to cancel even 15 mins prior - and I would say it’s become a norm.

With culture telling us “do what you want” as opposed to “the collective good” - attitudes have changed. Plus people seem to take on more than they can handle these days.

OP you shouldn’t have to read any social cues at all - it’s not a friendship, it’s a service. I can see why you would read into it though, I overthink for other reasons, but if someone is giving you a service they should turn up or quit. From other PPs it’s very hard to find a loyal worker.

Yes it is our experience with the trades too unfortunately. They are in demand so can pick and choose. Communication is often not great. Generally we find the larger companies with admin staff are much better. Although sometimes more pricey. Sometimes you just have to be patient and accept you are in a queue. But I agree, they are cheeky to leave people in the lurch without so much as a text.

@MonsteraMama you go easy on yourself too - you've got very het up over this, it wasn't a personal criticism - maybe I hit a nerve 😂

Well yes as it happens I am a bit sick of old people blaming my generation for everything 😘

I think you have to take each job as it comes and probably have to send out a few messages for each one. We have preferred people to do work but often have to find alternatives if they don't get back to us. It's not to be taken personally, no point keeping chasing someone. Otherwise you never get things done. I usually WhatsApp and if people don't reply I tend to just move on.