AGE 3 DD doesn’t have playdates

[PermanentlyTired03]

DD is 3 and reallyenjoys nursery and has her little friends. But around children she doesn’t know ie. Kids she’s playing near in the park she won’t go near and clings to us. Just won’t engage at all. She did ballet for a while and we’ve stopped it as after a long time she will not take part, just does the solo bits and stares at the other girls. But loves dancing and ballet at home.
DH says she needs to go on play dates with other children (all knowing MIL Keeps going on about it). We don’t really know any her age. And nursery isn’t social at all outside nursery hours. Pick up and drop off isn’t a stop and chat Sort of thing. Where do you meet other 3year olds otherwise?!!!
i worry when she doesn’t seem to want to join in anywhere outside of nursery or do activites that she will end up just watching tv all day later on.

At that age I only did playdates I'd I wanted to hang out with the mums. I didn't do child led playdates until the dc were at school.

If your dh is worried about her social development, he could look for a toddler group to take her along to? Lots of family hubs do dad and toddler groups at the weekends. But if she's at nursery, I'd imagine she's absolutely fine.

DD is an only and play dates weren't a thing in nursery at all and probably not really till y2 at school (by which time covid hit and put a kibosh on all that).

Now she's 10yo, goes and knocks for her friends every day of the week, a constant stream of random kids eating from my fridge and meal plans that go something like 'we've got Mac n cheese for dinner, if there's more than 2 extra kids I'll add chicken nuggets, more than 3 and I think I've got garlic bread to bulk it out and they can have whatever fruit for pudding, more than 5 and they're eating in the garden cos there's no room for them.'

Your DCs social life at 3 is not an indicator for their future, at 3 they're still in the parallel play stage where they play near and at the same time as other kids but not really with them.

Neither of my kids engaged with other much before starting primary but they were fine. Kids are this age tend to 'parellel play' rather than engage much, my DH used to worry about them not having playdates as well, but I don't think it's very necessary at this stage. But a toddler group might be a good idea if there's one you can go to.

I work with this age group and its not unusual but not ideal either. Its good that you are aware of it and working on it. If you dont have friends with kids that age I'm not sure what you can do really? Other than a Saturday morning play groups. If you wanted you could invite a school friend over but the parent would probably have to stay and that can be socially awkward. She is still so young, see how she goes next year goes before you worry too much. I don't think play dates really are a thing until school age. I think my Dc were 4 anyhow

My DD is much the same. But as long as she’s happy in nursery and has friends, I wouldn’t worry really. Don’t make a big deal out of it as that will make her more self conscious as well.

Is she an only child, OP? It can take a bit longer for children to learn to interact with other children if they don’t have siblings, in my experience. But I wouldn’t worry too much or make a thing of it, she is only 3 and will very likely learn these skills in her own time.

She's still very little for independent activities and for playing with other children.

My daughter, now 7, has known her best friend since she was a few weeks old. Seen her most days all her life. Happy to see her as a toddler but would not actually play with her until about 4.

Another friend she's known from being 4 but she only 'made friends' with her at 5, as before that she wasn't really interested in forming friendships.

Now at 7 I can leave her anywhere to try anything, pretty much. But it's only been about a year and a half that she's been happy with that. Before then she wanted to stay with me.

Thanks for your responses they’ve made me feel a bit better. DD is an only child (expecting a sibling in January), I think she is ok as nursery always say how engaged and outgoing she is.
MIL constantly says what a whimp she is which really plays on DHs mind and makes him paranoid she should socialise more- I’m sure she’ll engage more with others as she gets older.

She's still young. Just keep taking her to places other kids are at, parks, soft play etc. It's completely normal for children to be fairly shy at that age. Playdates can happen when she's a bit older. A child of that age just needs to be stimulated, get exercise and have different experiences. She's around her peers at nursery so I don't see an issue with not having playdates yet.

Sounds perfectly normal to me op! We don’t really do play dates much bar the odd one with my friends that happen to have a kid the same age! As others have said they generally don’t play together fully yet anyway! Mine is in nursery too so really that’s plenty of time with peers for this age!

I feel like this is pretty normal, no?

my Dd is 2 but unless “befriended” by some older girl who wants to “play with the little girl” she just runs around on her own doing her thing…

the main interactions that she initiates herself seem to consist of entirely of
a. pushing kids off things
b. grabbing their tops to move them out of her way
c. Comforting a child if they are hurt or crying

Don't worry. 3 is very young.
Could you ask nursery staff if your daughter has struck up any friendships and get a note to that parent?
Once they hit school things liven up a bit and they ask you to have so and so over etc

does She spend time with her cousins ?

Don’t think it’s really a thing unless you happen to be friends with a mum with one the same age. Dd is 3 and socialises at nursery and we go to two play groups a week, we may add in a dance class soon.

My 3 year old just plays with all the local kids. And the kids at the nursery come to the park after nursery hours. She plays very confidently, but maybe because I've taken her to the same playground since she was very little and it's the same kids there all the time.
Maybe start doing that so she become very familiar with the local children and she'll built confidence and bonds

Oh god, I think you will need to get quite firm with your MIL on this, and soon! Totally unacceptable for her to be calling your child a wimp - this is highly damaging to your child and massively overstepping.

Totally this. Stop stressing OP and please ignore MIL. She is very little still. The main thing is she is enjoying nursery and her activities, friendships will come later when she is at school.