I started a new job a couple of months ago working from home. I'm really shy and quiet, but whenever I first start at a new job I'm able to pretend otherwise and be quite friendly and chatty. But after a whilst I can't keep it up and I revert into being my shy and quiet self. I find myself worrying that my manager is disappointed in how quiet I am, and think maybe I'm not settling into the team well?
An example is that on Mondays we do a big team meeting (there's around 20 of us), and we each go around and say what we are working on that week and bring up anything that we need to discuss with the wider team. I go last as we go in alphabetical order, which means by the time it's my turn I've spent over an hour dreading my turn. Most people take a minute or two to explain their projects slowly, but when it's my turn and the spotlight is on me I get so anxious that I speak really quickly, like I will explain all my projects within around 10-20 seconds. I feel really embarrassed afterwards, and try and remember to slow down when it's my turn to speak but I just can't. Even using notes with reminders to slow down and breathe don't help. I'm like a deer in headlights.
In my line manager 1:1s I get really anxious too, and find myself tripping over my words all the time.
My job is quite suitable for me being quite as 99% of my time is spent working alone, but I worry that my manager will think I'm not integrating into the team well? I have to go into the office soon to meet everyone for the first time, and people are travelling in specifically to meet me (they are a lovely team) and I hate being the centre of attention!
AIBU to feel worried that I'm too shy and quiet?