To ask if NCT is worth it?

[Crispchops]

Expecting our first baby in autumn. Is it worth paying for an NCT course? I was talking to a colleague who said they found it to be cliquey and essentially just a way of buying friends. She also said that in her group, by demographic mums were all 35+. This isn’t a problem for me at all but wondering if it will mean that we are judged for being considerably younger than the others there. (I’m 22, turning 23 and DH just turned 25).

If not NCT, would you recommend another antenatal course instead?

This was my experience too. I felt really disappointed not to come away with lifelong friends! I started going to a baby group when DD was about 3 months and met some really nice people there that I'm still in touch with now the kids are in school.

I didn't learn anything useful at the NCT course that wasn't covered in the free NHS class.

I had dc1 at 19, I was advised by my midwife to consider joining. Didn’t want to at all. Seemed like it was just a group of people thrust together because we’d all had sex at the same time. She then recommended a baby massage class for making mum friends. Went twice, it wasn’t for us.
i had a big family around and a lot of friends, I didn’t need to pay money to meet other people, I had a great support network.
I know some people who did join NCT and some have stayed in touch with people, others drifted away pretty quickly.
Different strokes for different folk really.

I was also 19 for DD1 and felt the same. Someone I went to school with had her baby a month before me and everyone told me to get in touch with her. We weren’t friends before even with mutual friends so suddenly having babies the same age wasn’t going to change that.

I really wish I'd done the NCT course, I didn't need the information but I wish I'd taken advantage of a chance to meet other mums. I was quite lonely after DS was born, but I never realised that it was a chance to meet people- I just assumed it was info I could find on Babycentre.co.uk and other sites. I've got some lovely work friends but I don't have much in the way of a friendship group from school/uni, so it's a bit of a regret that I didn't take the chance to make some friends as a 'grown up'.

@Kosenrufugirl I was told morphine can make newborns struggle to latch on after birth. Is this not true in your experience?

When I was pregnant, a long time ago now, NCT had a reputation of being "naice" and terribly middle class. Don't know if it's still the same

Sounds like NCT hasn't changed in 40 years 😂
When it came to discussing pain relief there was shock and horror when I said I was going to have an epidural!

Hell no. It's networking for posh yummy mummies. I didn't do NCT, but those I encountered who did were all old and mostly very snooty. I was young (23) when I had DS, and had nothing in common with any of those mums. SIL loved NCT, but she is very cliquey and loves to feel part of an in-group - although as a mid-30s professional, it was probably a much better demographic for her than it would have been for me.

I didn't as I had two friends having babies at roughly the same time so we were our own support group.

I have heard of very negative experiences but also one very positive one. A woman I know was in a group which instantly gelled, about six of them are still in regular contact, going on weekends away, etc. The children are all now 19 or 20 and all friendly still. One is on a gap year and two others flew abroad to stay with her for a fortnight. Two other "children" are in a stable relationship. Last summer most of the dads had a couple of nights abroad to watch some sport. For my friend and her family it has been brilliant.

but those I encountered who did were all old

Oy! Less of the ageism please @Brexile

It was one of the best things I’ve ever done. A lot of the course content was annoying because it was all about spoon feeding the benefits of natural birth and breast feeding (both of which I didn’t manage through no fault of my own and left me feeling like a total failure of a mum). But I’ve made several life long friendships through it and my child is friends with their children. We have shared many happy memories with them over the years.

Im not a MW but I had diamorphine in my first labour when I was around 8cm and was very distressed and in severe pain. It was so helpful. I had a long labour and had been awake since 4am the day before, and this was at around 2am the following day. I finally managed to nap for a couple of hours and awoke to find I was then fully dilated and ready to start pushing. My DC latched within an hour of birth and breastfed well. They were born around 9.30am. That first night I had to set alarms every few hours as they wouldn't wake for feeds and one time they wouldn't latch so a midwife helped me hand express and syringe feed. They were latching fine again by the following feed a few hours later and never had any other issues. So it could be that it did make them a little sleepy but newborns are often sleepy and it certainly didn't have any significant consequences for us but was hugely helpful for me.

I basically begged for it in my second labour but I was 9cm on arrival and 10cm by the time I was settled in a room on delivery suite so they refused, as they thought baby would be born very soon, and that it could make them too drowsy. I managed ok without after anyway with gas and air but it was a much shorter labour.

I'm pregnant again and would definitely consider it again this time if I felt I needed it.

Our course leader was nice. I thought some of the activities were a bit weird like comparing the plus and minuses of different pain relief 🙄. Half of us had sections anyway!

Average age about 35 and v middle class and competitive but that could just be the area! First year it was nice to meet up and I'm still pretty good friends with a few of them. But also made friends elsewhere.

I found it useful because DH had to attend and it made sure we both knew the same thing! And were on the same page about to expect from labour and early days.

I didn't jell with the couples and we were the only ones that didn't have a CS in the end. The course leader really tailored the material we covered to us.

I did think it was very over priced though

If you've got the money I'd recommend it, the social side has been great for us and I did enjoy learning things I didn't know about birth and labour. But definitely worth taking some of it with a pinch of salt if you get one of the stereotypical leaders who's a crazy hippy like we did. Lovely but very much at one end of the spectrum on labour and birth

We did it, and found it useful. Ended up with a last minute planned c section and was really glad I knew I couldn’t have my contact lenses, how many people to expect in the room etc.
also found it useful to meet previous participants whose babies were about 3 months old, and hear their stories.
the social aspect was definitely helpful for the first year or so, especially during all those night feeds…

Yes this

I know lots of people who made a great group of friends through NCT. And it's very "nice" - probably because you have to pay it's pretty middle class id say

You might find some judgement as you'll most definitely be younger than the others. Do you have to buy the course or can you do one and see how it goes?

I breastfed both DS for 2 years each, and took every drug going during birth!!

I think on balance I’d say it’s not worth it for the pregnancy / childcare stuff - you can get that for free from other sources. However, if you land with the right group of people, it can be an effective way of getting a supportive network for the first year or so, and might even lead to longer term friendships.

We had five couples in our group. DD is 3 and we’ve stayed in regular touch with one and clicked with another who unfortunately moved away to another part of the country. The others were fine but haven’t stayed in touch beyond the first 18 months.

Demographic for us was firmly professionals in their 30s.

It was good for me as I relocated when DD1 was two weeks old, and then again when she was a year. Instant friendship group who could point to mothers & toddlers, baby friendly outings, coffee, mutual support. Invaluable. Many of the women are still friends years later.

I did do the prenatal course that was a bit of a waste of time. Didn't learn anything I didn't know and knowing that I was moving didn't really make any friends.

I've met friends for life through mine but I know others haven't. It's really luck of the draw. The actual course was shit

I loathe NCT. They honestly do not care about mothers. They have their own agenda and they fail to make the vulnerable women they work with their priority. In particular, their approach in the pandemic was unforgivable. They do not deserve the trust people put in them.

What was their approach in the pandemic?

We did Bump & Baby rather than NCT and I did value it a lot for a few reasons.
Mostly that DH got to learn a lot of info (most I already knew from extensive reading), and the support group we made who are still my best mum friends.

However, I was mid thirties and most of us there were 30-40. In your situation unless early twenties is the average age for people to have children in your area, I don't think I'd bother.

The Peanut app can help you find other parents in your area, kind of like tinder for mums.

Old in the sense that the medical profession uses the term elderly primagravida - women having their first child late. And old relative to me at the time.

If I somehow got pregnant today I would almost certainly be the oldest person at the antenatal class, practically a fossil! I'd probably be complaining about all the 38 year old whippersnappers who don't know they're born. 😀