to be a bit cross that DH went out last night and didn't get in till 4am

[CocoDeBearisCocoDeBear]

I knew he'd be out till late, as the pub has a lock-in/late licence or something. But I woke up at just before 3am this morning, and he still wasn't home! So I texted him to say I was worried, and a few mins later he texted back to say he was coming home. But he'd be furious if I did the same, he'd be worried sick.

He doesn't go out very often.

No i dont your being unreasonable at all, my hubby is exactly the same, and all it takes is a bit od courtesy to text and say love it will be a late one dont wait up, but no instead they make us worry sick, regardless of how often they go out, i always would txt and ask how kids r and let him know where i am and what time.

my DH is exactly the same, he is a lovely considerate guy but once he has had a few beers he just NEVER thinks to contact me! grrr

If he is feeling as bad as I am that is punishment enough. Trust me. I went out and got home at 2am. DH was snoring happily.

Depends what his usual form is. When my DH says 'don't wait up'...I don't! I don;t expect him by any particular time, although around 3-4am is about normal if he's been to a late bar or club.

TBH my ex used to not come home at all, so I am grateful for my thoughtless DH

DH is usually very thoughtful, and not much of a boozer.

He's probably going to tell me he didn't realise what time it was, but really isn't it inconsiderate to forget the time so spectacularly??

Maybe I'm just turning into an old git.

Just tell him next weekend you'll be out and may or may not get back that night. That will soon show him how it feels.

He was having a great time and forgot to let you know, I'd let him off this once and not make a massive deal if it's a one off. He's not a child and doesn't go out often you said. He texted you straight back and came home - doesn't sound like he's an unreasonable git that doesn't consider your feelings, he just lost track of time, as you do when you're out boozing. I would let it go.

I had a nasty stomach bug once and my DH was out for whole day at some corporate hospitality. I asked him to PLEASE come in by 10 as I felt so ill. He strolled in at 1am and pretended to be sober, slightly giving himself away as he tried to walk into the bathroom and walked into the wall. I forgave him and we now laugh about it..it was a one off!

I don't think it's that bad

All is forgiven.

Oops, I got in at 3 am this morning. DH didn't know what time to expect me to be home.

That's ok though, cos he was out until 6ish anyway...only he was working, lol.

My DP contacts me the whole time he's out but his mates egg him on to stay out later than we agree when he goes out (once in a blue moon).

But recently, I woke at 4 and realised he wasn't home and he'd not txtd me since 2 when he was meant to be coming home. I realised he was outide, so I went out, and it turned out he'd had his drink spiked (they spike men and then mug them around here) and he was in a real state and his wallet was gone, and it scared me. In fact, I think it really shocked him, so he's been home early ever since as he doesn't want to worry me again. But I'm worried sick until he gets home since that.

It's something I never thought would happen, and it could have been much worse, since he was wandering randomly around the town not knowing who he was or anything. He didn't even know who I was, and he was white as a sheet and couldn't talk at all.

We used to always go out until 4 or 5 when we first met, but we don't do that anymore as there's no need now we're settled down. We both used to be party animals.

Over all, no, YANBU.

thank goodness I'm not the only one out there who has a DH who does this. Mine was doing this 3 or 4 times a week. He was always hung over and moody and not very helpful with DD. It all started when i had my m/c. i think he did the usual man thing and went in to his 'cave' and dealt with it by going out rather than talking about it.

My MIL has since got involved and sorted him out. I'm stil not sure why he was doing it but the last 2 weeks have been much better and he hasn't done it once. As a result he is now much happier and going to work with a spring in his step rather than a scowl on his face! DD is happier that DH is around too. MIL's can be useful.......SOMETIMES!

My DH didn't come home at all this weekend, and still has not contacted me. I've gone past being worried and want to kick him in the nipples very hard. not the first time hes done this... he works away in the week, and has 7 hour drive back. was ill, so stopped off where he rents a room in a house ( long story) so I wasn't expecting him friday night, but was ,saturday am.

He turned his phone off because he felt ill. Didn't bother to tell me he was not coming home, didn't tell me he was ill. evenutally sent a text sat eve saying he was being sick all day. Dared to have a go at me for ringing him all day , like i'm psychic and knew he was ill . anyway, Still not answering the phone to me, or texts, but his phone is back on now. He's back up in sunderland, I assume, though I actually don't know.

Be grateful he came back at all! mind you, if this is not the 'norm' for him and for your relationship, I'd be fuming too!

( I am fuming abut my DH, but there is nothing I can do to make him answer the phone, so have to just let it go. I am not saying his behaviour is ok, by any means, but there is F* all I can do. I'm, not ready to leave him, so what can I do? ultimatums o point, as i"m not prepared to carry out the ultimatum if he doesn't take it on... Frustating, degrading etc etc... )

Anyway, sorry ,for hijack, just a bit close to home as it were! ( or not, as the case may be )

susiecutiebananas why are you not ready to leave him? You deserve so much better.

That foolish pathetic old reason, that I love him so deeply. Its pathetic, I know.

I know I don't deserve what he does to me. We are very happy when we are together, just far too out of sight out of mind when we are not.

He's definitely been having midlife crisis for a while... SO I guess I just feel I owe it to us, and to our DD to see if things get better. Which they don't seem to be.

I suppose I'm just pathetically hoping that they will. I hate that I adore him so much. It makes me feel very bad about my self, to adore a man who treats me with such little respect. Leaves me with no dignity really does it?

Sorry, I truly didn't mean to hijack this thread and talk about me. So sorry. just having shit day. Been 4 days since he's answered the phone to me.

Susiecutiebananas mine had a midlife crisis at 30 and went a bit odd lasted about 6 months but then snapped out of it. How long have you been trying to see if things get better? I think when you do get to speak to him you should ask him to see a counsellor together or you should see one on your own and then work with the counsellor to make yourself happy be that with him or without. Hug to you.

erm... hello everyone. My name is Thomsc and I'm a dirty stop out..

I'm a SAHD and went out with an old college mate last month. First time i'd been out on a beer-jolly for about 18 months. (oddly, we have an 18mo DS!). Drinks were had, the evening was swinging along. Lots of fun etc etc

As we left the FIRST bar, I thought I'd call home to say I'd get a taxi and not to wait up. As I looked at my phone I realized it was 2am.

See, could happen to anyone. I'm usually the one phoning the DW to find out where the hell she is.

I think I'd have phoned if I was ill all weekend though, if only for a bit of sympathy.

I hate that. Mine goes out quite a bit and that's fine but if he's later than midnight I get edgy. I can happily go to sleep but always seem to wake up automatically at about midnight and then fret.

We have an agreement that if one of us will be later than specified that we will text and the other can keep mobile on bedside table on silent - then if you wake up worrying you can see.

DH still sometimes forgets though less recently because every time he does I am such a screaming banshee from hell that I think it is finally sinking in.

I am just wondering why an adult has to be home at a certain time? And what happens if they're not?

When I go out I don't say what time I'll be home because I don't know.
Obviously I know about safety and worry and courtesy ect but I would hate to be told what time to be in and it wouldn't occur to me to do that to dh. We go hardly go out at all, maybe once every couple of months and I trust him and vice versa, but when I am out I like to relax and enjoy myself and not worry about getting home.

Grouphug: its been going on and off since I was pregnant with DD. She's now 15 months, so I guess, too long really.
He wouldn't go to a councellor. I would, and have... do wish I'd continued it for a lot longer. He has so may issues, to do with his parents dying close together, suddenly a few years ago. To his exW having an affair, and now not letting him see his son, who is now 9. He is terrified of the same happening again, but seems to choose the option of 'being in control' I guess, even if it means losing us, at least he's had control over it, I suppose. All a bit of a self fulfilling prophesy really... Thanks for the hug, need a real one though desperatly!

2GIRLS: Its nothing to do with an adult having to be home at a certain time, its to do with having respect, and courtesy for the person who is at home ( with the children invariably) and letting then know that you are going to be in very late- ot later than a specified time, but just late in the evening/night. Its about not letting your spouse./partner lie in bed, worrying about you, as you would normally be home at a reasonable time, and are not on this occasion. Or, just that you will be home in the early hours, just because.

Of course it happens, it happens to everyone at some point, you lose track of the time etc... however, you can still text or call, as soon as you realise the time, just to say, shit, sorry, i am going to be later than planned. Its about respect, not control.

2GIRLS, I didn't mind him coming home at 4am, it's the fact he didn't warn me that he was staying out virtually all night. If he'd said 'we might move on to someone's house after', that would have been fine. But he didn't, and he's never ever usually that late. So I was worried he'd been mugged/murdered etc. etc.

Like thomsc, he just lost track of time.

Sorry you're having such a hard time with your DH, susiecutiebananas. I hope things improve for you soon.