Does a child need their own bed in the eyes of the court?

[wiseoldbee]

My ex husband is apparently going to go to court to gain access to our son. He has access at the moment but no over night stays for many many reasons.

My ex lives with his girlfriend and her 3 children.

My son would not have his own bed at their house. He would have to sleep in my ex and his partners bed and apparently his partner would sleep on the sofa during these nights. They are also expecting a baby so the house will become more crowded.

Would the courts/cafcass see it as acceptable for a child to stay over night and to sleep in a shared bed?

He is almost 6.

No, I don't think the courts would find this acceptable.

Presumably, it's an easy change for them to get a foldaway bed though so I'm not sure they'd rule out contact on this basis. They'll just need to sort the bed issue.

Yes I would hope that's what they would say - he needs his own bed in some way. If the courts granted over night stays then that's fair enough but I'd just hope my son would at least have his own bed.

Own room is definitely a court requirement.. And space for personal possessions...

Well no not own room, plenty of children share a bedroom full time but yes to a bed although that could be a “put up” bed like a fold out or air bed.

A lack of bed is an easy fix! So that in itself isn't going to stop a child having time with their father! The child has a right to contact with his father.

I'd like to think the dad would make a longer term plan if he's to stay regularly - new bed or bigger property etc

No it's not

Dad has only just resumed contact after 9 months of not seeing our child and me having to call the police on him for telling me to go and throw myself in front of a train and that he no longer wants to see our child. I agree that every child has a right to see their father however in this case - contact needs to be built up slowly. Our son is also being assessed for autism which my ex has shown no interest in. He has selective mutism and sensory needs.

I have a solicitor and I follow all the advice given. I don't mind if we go to court as it would be up to him to prove himself under a professional spot light.

My ex has told my son (without speaking to me) that he can stay at his house and sleep in my exs bed - hence why I am asking if it would be acceptable if he decides to take it court. I know he won't think himself that he needs to provide our son with his own bed - he would need to be told to do this.

No it’s not🙄…. You are talking shite…..many children don’t have their own room in their primary residence

I definitely wouldn't expect him to have his own bedroom - that would be totally unreasonable. However I do think he should have his own bed and I don't think that's asking for much

Your son needs to see his dad

I don’t think this would stop him from having access.

The courts will probably advise him to get a fold out bed eventually but it definitely wouldn’t affect his contact in any way.

You could argue that as he’s not seen him in 9 months then you’d prefer no overnights until they’ve rebuilt their relationship.

You could say that you’re happy to start with a couple of hours on a weekend and then after a couple of months increase to half a day, then a full day and then eventually overnights.

If your son has additional needs then it’s even more important to change the routine slowly and not throw him in at the deep end too soon.

Do not focus on the bed.
As ppsaid state that your ds needs to build contact slowly before any overnight
Lots of people are sent by local authorities to live whole families in one room in long term temp accommodation.
If own bed was law there would be millions of cases !

My son does see his dad. As I have already stated, his dad chose to not see his son for months. Previously to this, he wanted nothing to do with him.

All of a sudden he now wants to see his son again which I have allowed on short but frequent visits.

I have offered my ex every weekend without over night stays.

I have offered my ex weekly visits where my ex has him for tea. He has declined this also.

I have had my solicitor, social services, my sons school and the 2 domestic abuse charities all tell me that I am doing everything correctly. My ex needs to start putting his child over his own needs. My ex has another chiild that is 9 and this child no longer wants to see his dad.

There are many reasons I am being cautious

I won't be focusing on the bed at all. I just wondered if the court would allow it that's all

I would think he would need his own bed but not necessarily his own room .

Hope you get it all sorted x

Exactly - I'm glad you see my point.

I have been trying to build the contact up but he keeps refusing and expecting full weekends (2 nights) all of a sudden.

Every bit of alternative contact I give him, he declines. He tells me how much he is missing out on our son her just refuses everything extra I offer him.

It's all about control and nothing else. He isn't capable of looking at it through any other eyes than his own.

It's all about control and nothing else. He isn't capable of looking at it through any other eyes than his own.

Of course it is.

If he wanted to see his son so badly then he wouldn’t have stopped seeing him for 9 months and would be doing whatever he can to make it right.

If he does take you to court then make sure you show that you’ve been willing for them to have a relationship but because of his past behaviour then its important that they build the relationship up slowly.

Tell them/him that you want him to have overnights because it gives you a well deserved break (he’ll hate that) but you’re not going to push your son into something that makes him uncomfortable, as that wouldn’t be fair to him.

I'm pretty sure the court would allow it. A friends children sleep on blow up beds in the lounge when they go to their Dad's the court had no problem with it.

I would do a few things .

Make sure these offers are in writing . If he declines verbally . Follow up with an email stating what he has said .

I would not be offering every weekend .. it’s much harder to take something back you need quality time with D’s too.

Do you have all of your offers and his refusal in writing? Email, text, WhatsApp? Make sure you do.

God, I hate arsehole fathers. Grow the fuck up, put the kids first, stop being a deadbeat.

Must be exhausting op.

@AlwaysFreezing he either never replies or says no but all communication is done through email.

They have a visit tomorrow and I have said he can drop our son off a couple of hours later which he has agreed too - first time ever. This is me offering more time.

I tell him all the time he can collect ds from school if he either ignores it or says he can't leave work early. He's self employed and I was married too him for years. He can leave whenever he wants.

He said he wants ds for tea - I've said he can have ds for tea as along as he collects him before 5pm as any later is too late for ds and I would need him home for 7pm. No response from him.

He wants it his way constantly yet he hasn't been there for ds at all. We separated 9 months ago. He stoped seeing ds then. He's was in a hell of a lot of debt with no where to live. Found his new girlfriend and moved straight in with her and her kids.

Now he's introduced ds to the new girlfriend (who is pregnant with his child) straight away and ds now has a whole new family too. His dad has spent ZERO one on one time with our son at all. He's more interested in creating a new ready made family. He never once has stopped to wonder if ds is actually ready for this at the age of 5 after wondering where the hell his daddy buggered off too.

Ds is incredibly confused by everything and I am just broken and feel well and truly battered from all the hurt he's caused us. But of course in his eyes - I'm jealous and bitter.

My dds slept in a summer house/shed and it was allowed. I don't think they'll see it as a reason to stop overnight tbh

So the pregnant girlfriend is going to sleep on the sofa while your ex and son take her bed. I mean this mad - it's her house. How is this going to work when the baby is born? Surely she is going to object to the set up.

Bit late to the party but jumping on this yes! I told my ex I'd love to be able to have a night out, guess who never asked about overnight visits again 😂 its all about control as you say. He liked the idea of me being trapped home with a baby every night while he could do whatever he wanted. Gotta play them at their own game sometimes 😉 hope you got everything sorted OP.

Well that might be true generally I'm not sure it is in this situation.