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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

4 year old

14 replies

dazzlepop · 24/05/2024 06:32

To ask if this is normal behaviour for a 4 year old.

Since she was about 2 years old we've noticed a few things with her that we haven't noticed with our older ds or dd.

When she was a little younger she hated loud noises and would cover her ears, she's not so bad now. She's obsessed with wearing dresses or any sort of pretty girly clothes. When getting her ready in a morning I have to get her sister ready first then her second if I change this routine then she has a melt down must worse than a 4 year old tantrum.
If the clothes I've choose her don't feel right once she's got them on then she has to get changed or she has another melt down.
She likes to play alone, mostly lining her toys up then talking to them not really imaginative play.
She will play with her sister but will not share and wants everything her sister has.
If she can't have what she wants then she will really lash out, scream, shout, throw herself in the floor and have a complete meltdown which can last for about 15 mins then she can be totally calm again.
When talking to us if she can't get her word out or we don't understand her then she will have another meltdown.
She doesn't really eat much just picks at her food and likes the same things. She drinks more than she eats.
She's forever putting things in her mouth then will run off so you can't get it off her.
It's like having a 2 year old all over again, I can't take my eyes off her for 2 mins without her doing something she shouldn't.
She loves drawing and colouring and is really good at this.
At nursery she won't talk to any of the staff there only a selected couple. She sometimes speaks with friends but not much. She's fine at nursery just acts really shy same at parks or play areas won't join in with the other children just sits and plays alone.
Then when she's at home the meltdowns start again.

Also when she was a baby she was such a good baby you didn't know you had her. She would just sit there watching everything, no crying just staring at people and objects.

Sorry for the long post just wanting some opinions on what others think.
Also sorry for any typos. Not got my glasses on.

OP posts:
Original poster
dazzlepop · 24/05/2024 06:34

Also her behaviour and meltdowns are getting so draining and it's really hard for me to keep calm. She's having them at least 2-3 times a day and it's all getting to much

OP posts:
Countrygirlxo · 24/05/2024 06:38

Some of the behaviour is normal yes, some sounds like there could be traits of autism. Is she starting school this September? Have you spoke to nursery? Not sure about nursery but in Reception we have a SEND come in and observe children with suspected autism/adhd

Original poster
dazzlepop · 24/05/2024 06:45

Yes she's starting in September and that's what is worrying me. How she will be with the change. She's at a private nursery so not one attached to the school she will be going to so won't know anybody there.

Yes I've spoken with her key worker, she said she has noticed a few things with her but nothing to concerning. I told her about how she is at home. She also said could be autism traits and that girls are good at masking when at nursery/school.
She said she would send a referral request in for her but the waiting times are around 2 years!

OP posts:
ToffeenutLatte · 24/05/2024 07:21

Your DD sounds very similar to how my DB presented as a child.
Apparently he was a very easy baby too.

We've just clubbed together as a family this year to pay for a private assessment due to insanely long NHS wait times in our area and he's finally been given a confirmed autism diagnosis at 24.
He has grown up to be a lovely young man though, so don't despair, there is every chance that things will get better as she grows up, especially if she gets the help she needs earlier on!

Original poster
dazzlepop · 24/05/2024 07:34

ToffeenutLatte · 24/05/2024 07:21

Your DD sounds very similar to how my DB presented as a child.
Apparently he was a very easy baby too.

We've just clubbed together as a family this year to pay for a private assessment due to insanely long NHS wait times in our area and he's finally been given a confirmed autism diagnosis at 24.
He has grown up to be a lovely young man though, so don't despair, there is every chance that things will get better as she grows up, especially if she gets the help she needs earlier on!

Glad your brother finally got a diagnosis. The waiting times really are shocking.
Thank you for your comment

OP posts:
Sonolanona · 24/05/2024 07:41

I would want to start the process for assessment tbh.
While she will grow and develop skills, there are quite a few flags there and an autism assessment takes a lot of time unfortunately and she may need support at school, so starting the ball rolling now really is important.
I would start pushing for assessment from every angle.. ask GP to refer to Paeds, and make sure nursery HAVE referred her.
I have two children (now adults ) with ASD and work in Special Ed and everything takes so long.
I would also apply for an EHCP assessment NOW.. you can do this yourself.

My Ds2 was also the easiest most passive baby. His sister was not Grin but she is an awesome adult ..they both are. One got through school without much extra help, but the other needed Special School and lots of support and always will. It will be ok.. but trust your concerns and get your fighting head on!

BogRollBOGOF · 24/05/2024 07:43

There's enough traits of different types (sensory, communication, rigidity of thought) to justify getting a referral. She's young, and by the time she reaches the assessment stage, there will be more evidence and age-expectations will shift e.g. if continuing, her meltdowns will be beyond age expectations.

Original poster
dazzlepop · 24/05/2024 07:52

Sonolanona · 24/05/2024 07:41

I would want to start the process for assessment tbh.
While she will grow and develop skills, there are quite a few flags there and an autism assessment takes a lot of time unfortunately and she may need support at school, so starting the ball rolling now really is important.
I would start pushing for assessment from every angle.. ask GP to refer to Paeds, and make sure nursery HAVE referred her.
I have two children (now adults ) with ASD and work in Special Ed and everything takes so long.
I would also apply for an EHCP assessment NOW.. you can do this yourself.

My Ds2 was also the easiest most passive baby. His sister was not Grin but she is an awesome adult ..they both are. One got through school without much extra help, but the other needed Special School and lots of support and always will. It will be ok.. but trust your concerns and get your fighting head on!

Thanks do you know how I go about applying for a EHCP?

OP posts:
Sprinkles211 · 24/05/2024 08:16

You've just described all 3 of my ND girls. I'm sure some of the behaviours are NT but you've obviously got many concerns so best to get a referral with a paediatrician to discuss them

Original poster
dazzlepop · 24/05/2024 08:19

Sprinkles211 · 24/05/2024 08:16

You've just described all 3 of my ND girls. I'm sure some of the behaviours are NT but you've obviously got many concerns so best to get a referral with a paediatrician to discuss them

Sorry what does ND and NT mean?

OP posts:
Sprinkles211 · 24/05/2024 08:29

dazzlepop · 24/05/2024 08:19

Sorry what does ND and NT mean?

Show quote history

Sorry ND is neurodiverse all 3 of my girls have autism and my eldest who is the least affected has adhd also. NT means neurotypical.

RampantKrampus · 24/05/2024 08:36

What you are describing are fairly textbook autistic behaviours. That doesn’t necessarily mean she is autistic. It may well be that you have read about autism and therefore those are the things you are zeroing in on.

If you google ASQ-SE 48 months you’ll be able to see the screening test that lots of health professionals use. It’s not diagnostic by any means, but it might give you an indication as to whether it’s something to think about.

You can call the health visiting team and get the ball rolling with a referral but it’s likely that given her age, the referral will be put on hold until she’s had half a term or so at school to see what the school’s assessment is.

Original poster
dazzlepop · 24/05/2024 09:46

RampantKrampus · 24/05/2024 08:36

What you are describing are fairly textbook autistic behaviours. That doesn’t necessarily mean she is autistic. It may well be that you have read about autism and therefore those are the things you are zeroing in on.

If you google ASQ-SE 48 months you’ll be able to see the screening test that lots of health professionals use. It’s not diagnostic by any means, but it might give you an indication as to whether it’s something to think about.

You can call the health visiting team and get the ball rolling with a referral but it’s likely that given her age, the referral will be put on hold until she’s had half a term or so at school to see what the school’s assessment is.

I have read about autism since noticing her symptoms/behaviour. One of the reasons I did was compared to my older 2 they were not like this.
My older dds meltdowns and behaviour calmed down a lot at this age and they were no where near as bad.
I know no 2 children are the same but my dd is so much different than my other 2 at this age

OP posts:
Original poster
dazzlepop · 24/05/2024 09:46

@Sprinkles211 thank you

OP posts:
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