To not want my family coming over every day.

[lipglossandmascara]

I will start by saying I am very very close to family. I have 1 sister and we have pretty much always been best friends. My parents are wonderful. Young hearted and i love them so much.

We've (almost) always lived in the same village/ town. Bar when I was at uni etc.

I had my little boy 2 years ago and there was unbelievable family excitement. First grandchild. They ADORE him. And are incredible with him.

I recently have become pregnant again and also trying to work (self employed business) and parent my toddler so as u can imagine, I'm very busy.

Every single day, my sis or parents or both will message, asking to come over and see my son (and me... but mostly my son)

I have felt increasingly irritated by this over the past few weeks. Generally if one comes, they all come. And it's huge excitement everyone, leaping around entertaining DS. They are loud and excitable and I'm not always in the mood for that.

I pretty much always say yes because I know deep down how lucky I am to have this kind of family.

I almost hate myself for feeling like I want to say no sometimes. But sometimes, I just don't want them all piling round. I also feel a little bad on my partner. He never says a word but it must be kind of annoying- especially when he's trying to work from home.

I guess i just feel a sense of a bit claustrophobic and impeded on.

AIBU to feel like I need a bit more space? Not much but just .... a bit.

I don’t think that’s unreasonable at all. I guess the problem is that it’s now becoming part of their routine it’ll be harder to stop without it feeling like a big deal. My advice would be that next time they message asking to come round, say something like, “Today isn’t great for me but let’s do something together on Sunday?” Or whatever day works for you. Pushes it a couple of days ahead so that should stop them asking again the next day as well.

I can only imagine how tired you must be, pregnant and working and raising a toddler! They probably think they’re helping but actually it probably feels a bit more invasive than they realise.

When they message asking to see DS you could ask them to take him out instead so you get some rest?

Would they take your son for a walk / to the park so that you can get some work done. (Or have a lie down if you're tired). Have a cup of tea with them when they come back.

I'm so close to my family like you are but would love them to visit more - you'll be so pleased with the visitors when on Mat leave with two of them!

But agreed just say you're exhausted and need some rest and ask them to take the eldest out. They'll understand!

Get them to take him out, they will understand you need to work and will love having special time with him

Yes this ....say he'd love to see you but I'm knee deep in.....do you fancy taking him to feed the ducks or the park then we can have a cup of tea when you get back ?

Surely you can just say your DH is working and needs quiet ?

I wfh and find it very distracting having the children somewhere in the house with DH, even though I have spent about 20 years in busy offices.

Can they not provide childcare and you get on with your work?

I'd say to them, you couldn't come and take him out for a bit instead for me could you, I'm so tired being pregnant again and husband and I are trying to work from home with a toddler, it would be really helpful if you took him out instead.

How does your son feel? If he enjoys it, maybe you could try and change your perspective.

Would you be okay if they took ds out to the park or something that why you’re both winning they get time with ds and you get a break from them and ds. If not it sounds like you have a supportive family just explain how you feel.

It's not unreasonable to say no occasionally - you can use the fact that your partner needs quiet at home to work. Could you suggest dropping DS off to them for a few hours instead? That way they can play with him and have him all to themselves and you can get stuff done or have a rest!

YABU because it's on you to say no, not today, or set some ground rules. You both work from home, it's a perfect reason for you to ask them to take him out or to just say no.

It's lovely that you have a close family but you do need space. You can say no it doesn't make you a bad person for doing so. Just limit it to couple of days a week and asking them to take your son out is perfect, being pregnant esp at the end is tiring and youre bound to get irritated

We have family tea once a week. Would that work op? Sometimes 10 of us on a Tuesday! The adults take turns making the meal!

I would find this a bit much, OP

Honestly I feel sorry for your poor DH trying to wfh! Just say he can't concentrate properly with everyone round all the time. Maybe meet in the park instead or a cafe or why can't you pop round to their homes instead and just stay one hour instead? Then you can control how long you spend with them. You need to set boundaries now before you also have a newborn in the house. You might want to nap when baby sleeps etc - they can take toddler to the park instead.

Indeed. It's really rather selfish to have your child and family all around making noise whilst your partner works. Let's hope partner doesn't make mistakes due to the row, or have online meetings interrupted

Totally lucky.

and with you being pregnant they probably feel bad missing a day.

maybe say you’d appreciate some quiet and suggest they take kiddo to a park.

or a quick sorry, we’ve just snuggled up.

it’s within the bounds of pregnancy to be exhausted and annoyed, but don’t accidentally hurt feelings.

also your husband is a saint.

That sounds INSANE. You have to say tired and falling behind on work , you are welcome to take ds out for a walk or me drop him at yours but I think I need to say no visiting in my work hours for a while.

I would be overwhelmed with this level of contact - with anyone. Even my own dh. Be honest, you love seeing them but are exhausted.

It sounds a bit co dependent.

I love my family, but this would drive me insane - I think you absolutely need to change things. If your home is also your and your partner's workplace then it's really unfair to have visitors piling in every day. Having them take your son out is a great idea - otherwise I'd just say that your or your OH have too much on today work-wise, and reschedule for a few days ahead. But no, YANBU at all, and I'm honestly surprised your partner hasn't said anything about it before now.

I would be revising his wfh arrangements anyway with a newborn baby and a toddler 😬