For thinking this is domestic abuse?

[Changemynameforumpteenthtime]

my ex partner is being incredibly nasty over arrangements for our kids. We’ve been separated two years, but despite me trying to keep things amicable he always turns everything into an argument.

he messaged me last night to say he wants to take the kids on holiday for half term ( this weekend). Hasn’t discussed this with me. He doesn’t take regular care of them, so there’s no expectation of shared holidays- he usually continues working while I take leave/ book holiday clubs. ( which he never pays for)

I’ve booked several play dates and a short trip to a caravan park during this time. He is really angry because he is on leave and wants to take the kids away.

That isn’t my main gripe though. He is now saying that I’m mentally ill, that he can’t co-parent with me and that I need professional help. All because I’ve said no to his demands. He says I need to get professional help as he is concerned about our kids.

I had PND after my second, and some mild depression due to the split and I’m finding his accusations really unnerving and horrible. I l’ve taken the comments really hard, and a friend says he is being abusive. But is there anything I can about this?

it’s not the first time I’ve got this from him, but I’m so fed up with it. I get the same barrage of abuse constantly and it’s horrible to have someone calling you mental and crazy all the time when I’m just trying to get on with my life.

I feel your pain, I've just joined Our Family Wizard app with my ex, told him that seeing as he has concerns about me and that I will not be treated in this manner that all contact is now through the app, ex refused at first but then agreed when he realised I wouldn't back down. The app was recommended by our mediator. It has a calendar, can message, calls and video call are all recorded, add documents and ex can't delete anything so you have all the evidence saved. I'm on day one with the app and ex is already raging that it documents everything and he doesn't have control of what can disappear.
I can tell already he is watching what he is saying so it's been worth the money and I feel a little more protected than when it was just email or WhatsApp.
Not sure on any other steps to take, sorry, hope you get some good advice.

I was going to suggest an app like this too; you can also control as and when you check messages so you aren’t getting this from all angles on texts or calls

It’s a very common tactic by abusers, to accuse their victims of being mentally unstable or unwell. It was a favourite of my ex’s. Don’t rise to it, stand your ground and try and be as calm as you can when you respond to him. Only respond via messages/emails so you can screenshot everything and he can’t twist things/deny what he’s said.

I don’t know if he’s likely to ever take you to court to see the children but family court expect consistency regarding contact. He would expect to adhere to that and it doesn’t seem like he would as he isn’t bothering now.

Thanks for these. It looks like I’m going to have to formalise this as he isn’t going to change is he?

I will look into the app.

I don’t have kids.

I can however see judgemental behaviour towards your PND. This isn’t fair. He’s using your emotional confined well-being against you.

What @BookArt said.

No reasonable person tells someone they want to take their children on holiday without a reasonable amount of notice.