To not want to be called "my woman"

[Savemykitchen]

Me and DH had an argument last night about this. He referred to me as "my woman", it was just in a conversation between us and not public. But it gave me the ick immediately and I politely asked him not to refer to me like that again.

He got in a huff and couldn't see the issue, rationalising there's a difference between "my woman" and "my wife", which I'm fine with.

IMO, there is a bih difference. It's not only grammatically incorrect, I find it feels possessive and old fashioned. I'm not an object to be owned.

I realise this is very much a first world problem. But it's disrespectful, right? If I don't like something - within reason - then just don't do it. Why argue? Or AIBU and overly sensitive?

I call my husband mi 'ansome. He calls me 'er indoors. Works for us!

I think the problem stems from the recent history of women in marriage (to men). It has been less than a 100 years that woman were not first the property of their fathers and then their husbands. Women couldn't even have their own bankaccounts or get birth control without their husband's permission.

The effects of these laws and attitudes are still felt to this day and are even reflected in the views of some posters on Mumsnet.

So it's not the same for a man to refer to his female partner as "his woman" in the same was that a woman might call her male partner "her man". We are still dealing with the cultural baggage our misogynist history has created.

I do not think much of a man who can't see this and act accordingly when asked not to behave in a backwards way that his partner deems disrespectful. He also does not get to dictate how OP should feel about a label she has explicitedly asked him not to apply to her.

In the same vain, I think it should be fine for either partner not to use a label for their partner they have been asked to refrain from using. It's about mutual respect within a loving relationship.

👍👍👍

I don't think it's disrespect. It's kind of nice actually. Not all 'ownership' is bad.

I love how all these things can be interpreted.

"My wife" is acceptable as it implies relationship
"My woman" implies ownership
"My husband" is acceptable and implies relationship
"My man" is also somehow acceptable

"My" however, always implies ownership

...yet if we say "The wife", it's always slammed
...but "The husband" seems slightly tamer and is acceptable

Frequently on here we see "Husband said x"... but it somehow doesn't work with "Wife said x"

Yet "My/The Missus" is heard in older circles, yet we never hear "The Mister"

I'm not making any interpretation of it, just find it amusing :)

Sounds like a mountain out of a molehill. He used it affectionately, you didn't like it, he got in a huff. I think as long as he doesn't use it again it's all fine. If he insists then yes, he'd be in the wrong. I imagine the arguement was because you were trying to say that there is something possessive about "my woman" , which is debatable, rather than just saying you don't like it and move on.

I don't like using "my man" because it's possessive and I wouldn't like it said about me. But if it was said TO me maybe it's in the category of: my love, my person, etc.

I also hate the wife, the missus, my other half - I'm a whole person thank you very much!

I'm a francophone and was also going to mention this! It feels very sexist that man/husband and boy/son get their own individual words but for females we just get the one word.

But anyway OP I agree your husband should respect that you don't like it. Seems like an overreaction on his part to get in a huff over it.

I agree it sounds quite possessive, and I don't think you can really compare it to women saying "my man". Historical and socio-cultural context affects the meaning behind these expressions, and it wasn't too long ago that men essentially did own their wives.

It's not only grammatically incorrect
It's not grammatically incorrect...

Personally not a fan of "my woman" or "my man", but it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks OP, and it's really not about the phrase itself at all. It's about him respecting your feeling about it. Or not.

I'm curious to know why OP thinks it's grammatically incorrect.

How lovely…

🤣 in our house I'm bitch and he's cunt, all joking, not serious. Only been together 3 years but I can absolutely see it being the same 20+ years down the line😆😆😆

Switching it around isn’t an argument I think because the difference in ‘My man’ & ‘My woman’ is about the power imbalance between men and women. Women have had to fight for many years (and still are) to be seen as equal to men. Men haven’t had to fight to be seen/heard/ respected etc.
just my two penneth of course

I thought it was only my husband who said 'er indoors 🤣

My DP calls me his ball and chain. Doesn't bother me, been called far worse. I think you're being a bit over sensitive but if you don't like it, fair enough

How's the rest of your relationship?

Is there anything else at play to contribute to you getting the ick?

Do you feel dismissed by him on anything else?

It gives me the ick completely (as does my man).

But more than anything, it's that you've asked him not to call you that and he hasn't been courteous enough to follow a very simple request.

Dh has called me that once or twice, usually accompanied by some chest thumping, but he has an odd sense of humour. I’m finding it difficult to imagine a context where it would slide naturally into the conversation.

He once told me never to call him by his childhood nickname. I thought it was very cute. He didn’t. I dropped it.

Is the problem the sentiment or his dismissal of your feelings, and your right to have an opinion that differs from his? Either his reaction is a demonstration that he doesn’t consider you an equal, or it’s an attempt to gaslight you because my woman and my wife are significantly different concepts in the 21st century.

'Wife' (well, 'wif') is actually just literally the Anglo-Saxon word for 'woman'.

I agree, and have also been called far worse, albeit jokingly. At least he doesn't call her 'my bitch' 😆😆😆

I actually like it so it's a bit horses for courses. But if you told him you don't, he should stop.

If he "can't see the issue" or thinks you are making a fuss, but going forwards he doesn't call you it again then its fine really.
If he "can't see the issue" and makes a point of referring to you as "my woman" in the future then you do have a problem...

I find it feels possessive and old fashioned. I'm not an object to be owned

YANBU.

However it makes you feel, which is the only important thing here, your DH needs to accept and respect your view. Your feelings are valid because that's the way you feel.

No way would I feel right about calling my DH anything that made him feel demeaned, possessed or disrespected. I'd apologise and never say it again, not huff and sulk, which is an emotionally incontinent response from your DH.

You told him you don’t like to be called X and he should respect that and not call you it.

It doesn’t matter what X is and whether we would find it appropriate or not.