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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that some people might just be whingers?

21 replies

Caz10 · 04/04/2008 21:02

I'm pretty sure I AM being unreasonable...but just wondering...

I have a new baby dd, 4mths. I do not have PND, just experiencing the same ups and downs and sleep deprivation as anyone would. I have a lovely DH and nice family to help, but all the same it is hard hard work as I'm sure you all know and it gets to me occasionally.

Went to the clinic for jags today and chatted briefly to another mum who's DD is 10mths. She is in a fairly similar situation re DH, family etc although not back at work (I will be when DD is the same age as hers). She told me that the HV has arranged to look after her DD for a couple of hours a week to "give her a break".

I didn't really know what to say, I thought it was quite bizarre that the HV would do this. Also (and this is the bit I'm unsure of) - she seems FINE! I used to see her weekly, she was upbeat, chatty, obviously making it out of the house etc. Of course there could be more behind the scenes, but it was well hidden if so.

My immediate thought was "I WANT a blardy break too!!" - but I would never be asking the HV for it!!

Sorry this prob doesn't even make much sense, I am so tired this week, but it just seemed weird...

OP posts:

FAQ · 04/04/2008 21:03

"she seems FINE!"

yes - I could easily be that person.......I "seemed fine" to everyone else, even my BF who I speak to everyday, it was only as I hit rock bottom that I couldn't hide it anymore.

TotalChaos · 04/04/2008 21:04

If she is being offered childcare, I would imagine there is a hell of a lot more going on behind the scenes, rather than her just being a whinger.

TurkeyLurkey · 04/04/2008 21:04

She might be an expert at putting a brave face on like many people are.

FAQ · 04/04/2008 21:05

it's often MUCH easier to get yourself out of the house and put on a happy cheery face, make "light" of issues at home and make out that you're ok than admit you're actually struggling badly.

TotalChaos · 04/04/2008 21:05

on the note of hiding stuff - when I was PG I had a bad OCD flare and was suicidally depressed. However I did such a good job of mostly concealing how I felt that when I came back to visit work with my baby after mat leave, one of the ladies who sat near me said how I seemed a relaxed mum and how I had seemed relaxed when I was PG

southeastastra · 04/04/2008 21:05

blimey yes - some people whinge too much

ranting · 04/04/2008 21:07

I had a friend with very bad PND and I mean bad. She hid it so well that none of us knew until after she'd been treated. She seemed fine on the face of it, (to us) but she was obviously not. She was just very good at hiding it in public.

expatinscotland · 04/04/2008 21:07

LOL. People thought I looked fab - I lost loads of weight! - and was coping marvellously well.

Inside, I was so depressed from PND I was suicidal and moved through the day like a zombie. I wanted to die.

BigBadMouse · 04/04/2008 21:09

You can't take people on face value. Some people are morbidly depressed but you would have no idea until they are found hanging in a tree a week later.

southeastastra · 04/04/2008 21:11

sorry my post sounds flippant, i have no experience of depression.

Original poster

Caz10 · 04/04/2008 21:12

Thank you, that is what I thought, maybe she has seemed overly fine IYSWIM. Oh god now I am worried about her

I guess if the HV is involved then someone is keeping an eye on her.

I am a cow aren't I?!

Sorry, I think I just felt jealous that someone was giving her a break!

OP posts:

Original poster

Caz10 · 04/04/2008 21:13

don't worry southeastastra, I feel like that too now! mental note to think before posting...

people ARE whingers though - just not the girl in question!

OP posts:

CountTo10 · 04/04/2008 21:14

Appearances can be deceiving. I remember someone telling me I looked like the original earth mother when ds1 was 3mths old. Nothing could have been further from the truth and it wasn't until a couple of years later that I finally admitted how hard the first year had been and how close to the edge I'd been. People don't always want you to know what's really going on cause that would mean they'd have to admit it to themselves first!

southeastastra · 04/04/2008 21:20

no don't think twice before posting, at least this way we can see things objectively. that's what mn is all about .

Divastrop · 04/04/2008 21:24

it does seem strange for a HV to look after a child for somebody though?
my HV with ds2 arranged for somebody to come and help me out,and when he was a bit older arranged for him to go to nursery one morning a week,but ive never heard of a HV offering respite themselves

BigBadMouse · 04/04/2008 21:27

Caz10 - Nah, I don't think you are cow.

Really suprised the HV herself is doing the babysitting though.

btw - what sort of clinic do you have to go to to get a 'jag'? My DH will be down to one in a shot

Spidermama · 04/04/2008 21:31

Some people just seem to get help from others. Honestly some women stand there expecting others to do stuff for them (get pushchair out of boot, pick up their crying kids). They just have this 'help me' look about them so people help them.

I don't seem to be able to do the look so I always end up doing everything myself and doing stuff for others too. I'm not quite sure how this happens but I often find myself doing it and thinking 'Doh! Not again.'

Pathetic people annoy me. Obviously if it's real PND blah blah blah .... but I think sometimes they just need to stop feeling sorry for themselves and get a grip.

Ledodgy · 04/04/2008 21:31

I have this with my sil she has 4 children and her mum comes every Tuesday to help her, then her dp's mum used to have all the children once a week too but has recently been in hospital so this isn't happening atm. She's always moaning and mil and her are always saying how much she needs a break now she hasn't got her mil helping her out as well as her mum.

Now putting this into context my parents died long before I had children (I have 3). I get mil's help very sporadically but I get on with it. I'm sorry but I cannot find sympathy when they both keep going on to me about how much she needs a break.

doublethetrouble · 04/04/2008 21:32

This may be a round about way of her trying to tell you that things have been getting on top of her?. Its a shame but there is still a slight stigma and embarrassment sometimes when admiting to depression.

Health visitors aren't a childcare facility so there definately must be something more to it.

I know you didn't mean to sound so harsh but your post did make me smile a little as you were the one whinging that you thought you were getting the short straw!

southeastastra · 04/04/2008 21:41

do you mind if i start a thread about whingey friends though? i have some stories

Ledodgy · 04/04/2008 21:44

Oh yes go on I have a corker!

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