Worried my child is depressed

[Purpleturtle45]

I have a 10 year old son who is usually extremely happy and bubbly although in the last few years has been prone to have down periods.

He has been absolutely great for over a year but over the last few weeks has become really low and crying a lot of the time. He hates school and says he is terrified of getting into trouble. He has never been in trouble and because he is so worried about it, is a positive angel at school. He copes very well with the work and has good friends.

No amount of reasoning with him seems to help. We have spoken about being in trouble and if it does happen it will be fine, he just needs to apologise and the next day will be a fresh start but nothing makes him feel better.

He is now upset most of the time and it's breaking my heart. I can't help but feel he could be depressed and the school issue is just the only thing he can pin it on.

I have spoken to the school and they have been very supportive. They aren't seeing the true extent of the problem though as he manages to hold it together until he walks through the door and when they ask him about it he doesn't give a true picture as he doesn't want to complain.

If anyone has any similar experiences I would appreciate any advice. I am going to contact the GP tomorrow and he has previously had some counselling in school for anxiety. I wonder if it could be a chemical imbalance but I believe anti depressant type medication is not given to children in the UK?

Not experience as such but it got me thinking and remembering being very happy at school at around his age. What would make me not be? There'd have to be a reason. Do you ever wonder why a happy boy has become afraid at school? Why would he be anxious about getting into trouble? Is that the actual reason or is it something else? Did something happen to him there? Has someone threatened or bullied him or made him feel something?

Children can be prone to hiding things that are in some way too fearful or too shameful for them to talk about. If no amount of reasoning makes any difference that could be an indication that it's not about the thing you think it is but something else. I say 'could' as a possibility, speculative of course, not that it is.

I also remember keeping secrets and not telling anyone. A member of my extended family told me about a young relative, a boy of nine who had been touched by another boy and was very upset about it. It took an awful lot for him to tell her and only eventually did so because of the exceptionally close relationship she had with him - she was not his mother but looked after him daily - and the type of person she is. A teacher was spoken to, it was sorted out and he was all right again. I hate to see a child suffering. He should be able to be happy at school. It must be so painful for you.

There is one antidepressant that can be prescribed for children - fluoxetine. Do keep talking to him and letting him know you’re there for him

I'd have to agree with Abitofalark, of course children of that age can become anxious and depressed but as someone who works in a school, from a safeguarding point of view the mood and behaviour changes coupled with this idea that he's going to 'get in trouble' suggests something deeper may have happened. Of course you can talk to the GP but I'd say that someone who is trusted by your son is more likely to be able to get him to open up, even just to reassure him that he can always talk to them without judgement or punishment. I hope you get to the bottom of it soon and your son feels better x

Almost certain that this can't be prescribed by GPs - it's specialists only so CAMHS psychiatrist or much less commonly a paediatrician

If he’s already had therapy for anxiety, then it’s more likely that this has resurfaced. It’s a stretch to want him medicated, why not contact the therapist who saw him before?

Sorry you are going through this, OP. It's hard.

How is he during the school holidays?

I'm sorry to hear this. Have you spoken to school. My now 16 year old has been depressed for a number of years and because he is already under CAMHS for ADHD we have been able to access some support.
He's just started taking fluoxetine so hopefully that will help.
Do you have any youth mental health charities near you?