Teens- sibling being left out?

[GoblinFever]

I have twin girls (14), they go around in the same friend group.
Twin A is NT, very popular, funny, tends to be the one people migrate to. More emotionally mature.
Twin B is ND, is very fun, tends to be louder and seems to get left at the side lines. Younger mentality.

Girls are very close with each other, spend time chatting, dancing etc.
Within their friend group A Is the one all the friends seem to prefer spending time with, tending to overlook/ignore B.

B is feeling very hurt about this.
I have tried explaining some personalities can gel better together and some take a bit more work.

Our problem lies in that A will get invited to go out with said friendship group and B will not. (To the park or town)
Should B join them, she either gets ignored or they run off without her. A included.

Now I have spoken to A and told her running off and leaving her sister is not acceptable.

But what do I do in this situation?

YABU: leave them sort it out themselves
YANBU: step up and make them include B (somehow, any advice would be very appreciated!)

I'm totally lost on how to help. I understand A wanting time with her friends alone, but on the other hand hate how hurt B is, especially as friendships have always been so hard for her.

You can't force friendships. Unfortunately it doesn't sound like they want to include B, and while they should not treat her unkindly, they don't have to be friends with her either. As an adult, I don't socialise with people that I don't want to and I don't think children should have to do that either.

I'd encourage B to try and find a different friendship group who actually like her and want to spend time with her. Does she have any hobbies or extra curriculars?

They don’t have to be friends with her, and you shouldn’t meddle in it. It would probably do them good to have different friendship groups.

I think the only way you can reasonably get involved is by encouraging/ supporting B to look for a new group of friends away from A, does she have any hobbies or interests that might run a group she could attend? Does she have any classes in school separate from her sister and this friendship group where she might be able to make a new group of friends? Maybe other ND peers. It sounds like she is potentially friends with the current friendship group through circumstance (ie: they’re easy to hang out with because her sister has formulated the friendships and they come as a pair) rather than because she has lots in common with them herself. I understand making new friends is very hard if you are ND (I have AuDHD myself) but it does sound like it might be the needed solution.

Thank you all. I absolutely agree, they do not have to be friends with her and she shouldn't want friends that are purely friends out of necessity.
I have suggested B make some new friends. Try and branch out from this group.
The daft thing is she actually made friends with this group first. (We are new to this area only been here 5 months).
A was very shy and also quite angry when we moved so she kept to herself for the first few months.

B does drama classes after school and is starting at a new one in September which will hopefully give her a new friendship group with similar interests.
Also does swimming and gym.
A does Art and girlguides.
I do try to make sure they have their own interests and ways to have some space from each other.

Thank you for the replies.

If you insist B goes with a group she is not invited to, then you will be putting A in an awkward situation.
They run off: She has a choice - run off too, which she almost certainly feels bad about. Or stay with b, and lose her friendship group - because she will.

If you force them to have B join them, then you are also likely to end up with A not having a friendship group, and a spoiled relationship with her sister, who she will blame.

Encourage B to have her own friendship group, but don't force her on A.

I think you need to encourage B to find a new group of friends away from her sister - it must be quite hard to live with someone and then to be expected to socialise with them all the time as well.

I also wonder if B will find it easier when she's not in her sisters' "shadow" as such.

B shouldn't be joining them if not invited.

I do not insist B goes with A. In fact I usually suggest she stays behind and does something else.

Spoiling the sibling relationship is something I am most worried about.
A will become resentful if B joins the group.
B becoming resentful due to feeling disregarded.

They need to be able to be separate people, which can feel difficult when they are in each others pockets.

I worry B uses A as a safety net/security blanket, which is unfair on A.

She is independent and should be able to have fun without worrying about her sister.

I definitely need a manual to help 😅

As a twin mum I say leave them to it.
Both need to find their own friend circle as other siblings would. It is hard to see a child struggle with feeling left out but that's just life, they learn to deal with it.

Yes I agree.
And this has been spoken about with B tonight after she met one friend she gets on well with (but this friend is not allowed out for more than an hour after school) and used that as an excuse to go find her sister and said friend group.

I think B should try and make new friends separate from her sister.
you can’t intervene.

Just want to say that this is difficult enough for parents with only siblings to consider, let alone twins. You have my sympathy.
I also think twin B needs help developing a separate friendship group. She’ll be the one you worry about.

You were right to speak to her about that because she's put her sister in a bad situation there.

A probably wants a little bit of time away from her which is understandable and normal. I think the only reason this is really becoming a bit of a problem is because they are twins and will have grown up and spent so much time together.

B really needs to find a different group and become a little bit more independent from A.

I'd treat them as sisters, not one entity. Just because they are twins doesn't mean they should have the same friends. Twin B needs to find her own friends.

How can I help B find a new group when they spend all their days with the same people?
I really do agree that B needs to find her own people.

Other than putting them in different after school activities, which they already do.

My mum had twins they both got on stuck to each other until they were about 15.
They were abit like your girls.
Their both in their 40s now and not spoken to each other in almost 20 year.
They drifted apart being twins dont mean they will for ever be close.
But im very close to one of the twins.
Just leave them at it op and let them sort it out.