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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Feel like the worst mum in the world

18 replies

mum266 · 22/05/2024 18:45

Can't shake how awful I feel about a situation that occurred days ago.

My son is going through a really rubbish sleep phase at the moment. He used to he fab at going to sleep but now he will cry and cry and scream and scream for ages at bed time. Sometimes not actually going to sleep until 9-10pm.

Me and DH have tried a few things, staying with him until he sleeps seems to work but it means we end up with barely an evening and it's not a habit we wanted to get into ideally.

So we are now on the leave for 10 mins, go back and tuck in, leave for 10 mins, go back etc...

I try so so hard to be patient and to not lose my temper, we read stories at bed time, cuddle, kiss, tell him I love him every time I go in etc..

The other night it was particularly bad. Dh had been working lates all week so I was by myself all week dealing with it. I'd done the whole routine, I was particularly tired and stressed that day due to work and I could feel myself getting more and more angry with it.

I ended up storming out of DS's room after about the 7th time of going in to settle him because I knew i was getting absolutely enraged, I went downstairs grabbed a toy and just threw it at the wall.

When I'd calmed down I realised it was DS's favourite little character figure that he loves and it had broken and I just had the most hideous guilt.

His little face in the morning when he asked for it but it was broken just completely broke my heart. I'm his mummy and I broke his favourite toy because i was angry.

I bought him another and he is okay and happy as usual but I keep tearing up when I think about it and how bad I feel.

I wouldn't feel this if I'd just chucked the remote control in temper but the fact I broke his favourite thing just makes me feel so awful and I keep repeating his face in the morning in my head.

I don't even know what I'm asking, I'm just writing it down because I feel so bad still days later.

OP posts:
mum266 · 22/05/2024 18:46

Realised I never said how old, DS is 3.

OP posts:
Bdaybdilemma · 22/05/2024 18:49

Thought your crime here was going to be worse. Sounds like you're going through a hard time and at least you didn't direct the anger at him.
Try 'the happy sleeper' - brilliant book

MinistryOfTragic · 22/05/2024 18:49

He will have forgotten all about the broken toy the second you handed him the new one. Parenting is hard, we've all had moments of frustration, especially over sleep. Please don't be too hard on yourself.

Buzzer3555 · 22/05/2024 18:50

Oh love..don't beat yourself up over this. He won't remember it. You need to vent at times xx

ExcellentCat · 22/05/2024 18:51

Look, you didn’t throw him, you didn’t throw the toy at him, or even in front of him.
Its really awful when you’re this tired & they just won’t stop & go the fuck to sleep.
you’ve made it up to him, shake it off.

CecilyP · 22/05/2024 18:53

You feel bad because of how you broke the toy. But he wasn’t there so he’s none the wiser - could have been by accident for all he knows. So while not your finest moment, it hardly makes you a bad mother, let alone the worst!

SleepingStandingUp · 22/05/2024 18:54

Look you got angry and you left. You vented in a safe way and it's shit that it happened to be that not a fluffy toy. That's actually GOOD parenting. You didn't Hunt down his toy deliberately and you didn't vent at him

I have to say we've resorted to cuddling the 4 year olds to sleep so they go down about 8-8.30 cos it works. And they'll grow out of it. DS, 8, barely lets you read a story before he's kicking us out so he can read.

So if be kinder to yourself. If you're exhausted, curl up in bed with him and both go to sleep.

I do think if he's crying immediately upon you leaving, 10 minutes is too long. Remember it'll take longer to calm him down than if you go in sooner

Stompythedinosaur · 22/05/2024 18:54

Sleep deprivation is awful. You walked way when you got angry, which is the right thing to do.

But, honestly, sometimes it's just easier to sit with your dc while they get to sleep. I think it's the fantasy that they will magically be able to self-settle that gets you frustrated. Just accept he's going through a phase and needs you for a bit.

NC10384 · 22/05/2024 18:55

Is he still napping? What time do you get him up in the morning and what time do you try for bedtime? I wouldn’t expect it to take hours for a none napping, busy child with an appropriate bedtime and wake up time to go to sleep. Maybe still waking in the night at age 3, for sure. But initially going to sleep less so.

lochmaree · 22/05/2024 18:57

it's a normal response to that kind of situation! and its really good that you left the room to vent your anger.

fwiw I still lay with my 4yo (and almost 2yo) to sleep, I pop one earphone in and listen to a podcast. (while my husband clears up downstairs 😂)

Runaway1 · 22/05/2024 19:00

Might work to introduce a simple routine around the time he’s getting sleepy if he’s up so late. If you get that working well, you can then start moving the bedtime (with the same little routine) back by 15 mins every few days until it’s at a time that works for you all.

NalafromtheLionKing · 22/05/2024 19:02

We all lose our temper sometimes, and you replaced the toy. Forgive yourself.

sandyhappypeople · 22/05/2024 19:19

Is he not tired enough at bedtime by any chance?

My DD dropped her naps completely by two but before then she would sometimes get upset at bedtime because she just wasn't tired enough to fall asleep, I used to have to adjust her bedtime accordingly otherwise it was hell.

I understand your frustration completely.

ArmchairPhycologist · 22/05/2024 19:25

If you were the worst mum in the world you wouldn't give a fuck that you'd broken his toy.

Be kind to yourself Flowers

KatieKat88 · 22/05/2024 19:26

I promise you when he's older it will become a funny story (like the one about how DM threw a cushion at a house plant when she was at breaking point with breastfeeding when I was tiny) - not at all funny for her at the time but I didn't have a clue it happened, she persevered and now she can laugh about it. And it made me feel a bit of solidarity when I had similar feelings with my DD!

Katemax82 · 22/05/2024 19:58

Seriously, you are not the worst mum in the world, you made a mistake and no harm was done..don't bear yourself up (really hard I know, mum guilt is the absolute worst)

ToxicChristmas · 22/05/2024 20:04

Give yourself a break. Sleep deprivation is torture, especially on the back of a stressful week. It's just a toy. It's replaceable. You didn't even throw it in front of him, you left the room and vented. You are NOT a bad mum.

GabriellaMontez · 22/05/2024 20:06

You sound exhausted. Be kind to yourself x

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