Can't shake how awful I feel about a situation that occurred days ago.
My son is going through a really rubbish sleep phase at the moment. He used to he fab at going to sleep but now he will cry and cry and scream and scream for ages at bed time. Sometimes not actually going to sleep until 9-10pm.
Me and DH have tried a few things, staying with him until he sleeps seems to work but it means we end up with barely an evening and it's not a habit we wanted to get into ideally.
So we are now on the leave for 10 mins, go back and tuck in, leave for 10 mins, go back etc...
I try so so hard to be patient and to not lose my temper, we read stories at bed time, cuddle, kiss, tell him I love him every time I go in etc..
The other night it was particularly bad. Dh had been working lates all week so I was by myself all week dealing with it. I'd done the whole routine, I was particularly tired and stressed that day due to work and I could feel myself getting more and more angry with it.
I ended up storming out of DS's room after about the 7th time of going in to settle him because I knew i was getting absolutely enraged, I went downstairs grabbed a toy and just threw it at the wall.
When I'd calmed down I realised it was DS's favourite little character figure that he loves and it had broken and I just had the most hideous guilt.
His little face in the morning when he asked for it but it was broken just completely broke my heart. I'm his mummy and I broke his favourite toy because i was angry.
I bought him another and he is okay and happy as usual but I keep tearing up when I think about it and how bad I feel.
I wouldn't feel this if I'd just chucked the remote control in temper but the fact I broke his favourite thing just makes me feel so awful and I keep repeating his face in the morning in my head.
I don't even know what I'm asking, I'm just writing it down because I feel so bad still days later.