"You want to leave your husband because he does x!? He can't help x. What is wrong with you!?"

[Life2Short4Nonsense]

Inspired by quite a few threads I have seen lately. Hands up if the following thread scenario is familiar to you:

OP: "My husband does u, v, w, x, y, z. AIBU for being put off by this? How can I get him to stop? He promised me to stop and then he does it again. I don't know what to do."

Some commenters: "OMG! How are you still with him? LTB! You deserve better."

I fairness, I am usually in this camp.

Then comes the following:

Doormats/MRA's/Trolls/etc.: "OMG! You want to leave your husband because he does x? He can't help doing x. You do x too. But this is Mumsnet where everything a man does is bad."

Honorable mentions:
"You need to sit him down and talk to him."

I think a lot of men do gate hate on mumsnet

But then some of then deserve it, depends on the thread

Gate hate? I have never heard of that term before.

I don’t think it’s wrong when someone wants to leave their partner for something he can’t help. I do get annoyed when they won’t at least accept that he can’t help it. My view is by all means leave your husband because he snores* or whatever, but don’t pretend it’s his fault because it isn’t.

*I know someone will be along to say “he could do something about his snoring though”, but the reality is than in most cases, there is nothing that can be done.

Can you give any examples?

I think some people just enjoying saying the op is wrong no matter what they say.

She obviously meant get hate.

What you seem to be describing in your OP is different people with different opinions 🤷‍♂️

Surely it depends what 'x' is?
It's often blown out of proportion by posters adding their own little scenarios to a situation.
Eg, I'm fed of my husband leaving his socks on the bedroom floor instead of putting them in the laundry basket, cue posters jumping in with 'oh god how can you stay with a man who leaves his stinking to high heaven socks lying around, I'm heaving!
I bet he wanks into those socks and leaves them as a punishment because you wouldn't have sex last night.
Could he be gay and they're his lovers socks? He's probably left them there because your husband refuses to tell you about him.

I do see more and more 1950's type housewives on here with the "don't throw a otherwise good marriage away just because he snagged your sister. Work at it" posts but most posts / threads on here are batshit now. It's a very hostile place

I do see more and more 1950's type housewives on here with the "don't throw a otherwise good marriage away just because he snagged your sister. Work at it" posts but most posts / threads on here are batshit now. It's a very hostile place

Sounds like this is about the lovely specimen who wants in bed next to his trying to sleeping wife.

This is my favourite post today! And quite well observed I think.

I also said the poster was right who said it's just different people with different opinions. And that, after all, is the virtue of an online advice type forum isn't it? You get a load of varied views from people with different life experiences, all of which you can sift through.

It's quite healthy that everyone doesn't agree really. Otherwise it would just become an echo chamber.

Some posters dont see how abusive they are but its always the blokes fault on here.

What I actually meant was that usually the OP comes with a whole range of inconsiderate behaviors, but commenters pick just one behavior they can defend and ignore the rest. Eventhough, the rest paints a very different picture than just a man who happens to have an unfortunate characteristic.

A lot depends on circumstances, and whether people prefer to see the good or bad and someone.

For instance, poster might start a thread to say that her DH is disgusting. He farts all the time, sometimes leaves skidmarks in the bed and won't clean up after himself after using the toilet. Posters will pile on and say he's disgusting and could easily change his habits. The same scenario could be a man has terrible IBS, this results in him farting a lot, sometimes he will follow through and mark the bedsheets. To stop himself doing this, he'll get up to use the toilet on a regular basis during the night, and sometimes he's too tired to clean up after himself.in this scenario, posters will tell the OP that she's being unreasonable.

All down to getting all the facts and if you're the type of person to immediately jump in the LTB, I'd try to look for 'other reasons' he might be doing it.

As a pp said, we're all different so look at things differently.