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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend not paying me but also prior to this banging my door and demanding thin

18 replies

KiraChris · 22/05/2024 12:17

Had a friend for few years now. Lately she’s been drinking at night, her bf is at pub or on way home from work, she puts heels on etc for him, I hear her stomp across the outside (our floor is floor flat)… knocks my door then bangs and bangs when I don’t answer. I said to her prior that I’m doing things putting pictures up etc random things and while at my door she’s saying how she wants me to drink with her and then said “ok whatever” in a stroppy way. This was mid week and she knows I barely drink. Few nights later her partner was in a&e as he something in his eye at work. Again she’s dressed up for him with heels etc, I’m cleaning this is about 7pm, got my music on and it’s right next to me in the kitchen while I was washing up so quite loud for me to hear the door, until I hear bang bang bang. I answer the door and she said angrily why aren’t you answering the door I need to use ur phone as mines broke, so she calls her bf and says are u still in a&e and he says yeh it takes ages sorry baby, and she said in a funny way oh well I need wine and I’m all dressed up for you, I’m a bit annoyed at you and chrissy (me) to be honest as you said you would try to be quick at a&e and chrissy took ages to answer the door. She kept saying to him over the phone well I’m all dressed up for you I thought we could do a couple of lines of coke and drink but whatever!

Both these times and loads of times before makes me feel tense like I can’t get on with things as she bangs so hard I don’t want my door getting broke so I have to stop what I’m doing, and when ur in the zone of things u just wanna get on with stuff…. She gets her bf to get her pantyliners and wine mainly EVERYDAY after work when he’s been working all day. If he doesn’t she knocks on my door and asks and asks until I give in because she drains me. Please go shop for me bla bla bla….

Guy upstairs I have a good neighbour rapor with. Now he sells a bit of coke, but nice believe it or not. She asked me to knock on his door about 9times like so persistent and I was like I’ve not done that before but somehow she has a tactic of getting people to do as she asks so I did. I Got her coke she gave me the money. Next night she knocks on his door again and he doesn’t answer, third day this neighbour spoke to her bf and said can you ask those two to not knock on my door man to man and my friends bf told us this. So now I feel embarressed.

i had around £15 in my bank a while ago, her bf was out working late and she asked me sooo nicely over and over puppy dog eyes for £11 for fags until I gave in as I just couldn’t battle this on the promise her partner would be paid the next day. I was left with £3… I didn’t get paid back until about four days later.

She had a top she was gonna return I said I liked it and would pay her when I get paid. The day I got paid she asked for it, I said I’m waiting for my tablet to charge for my banking app, will have a bath as I had the flu and would then would transfer it. She said fine. But only 20 mins later she’s banging on my door I need that money now (this was about 15 min before Tesco due to close and when she was over she hinted she needed to go Tesco but I said my baths running so I wasn’t going out ) so I thought fuck this and emptied the bath feeling all tense and transferred the money. Yet I’ve had to wait for money before? I felt ill and run down and she made me feel tense on top of that.

Now my main frustrations are this…. They have a child, they have explosive arguments she shouts at him, chucks him out, he comes to mine to give her time to cool down, he’s fine with me, now one of these occasions she started raising her voice in my flat (kid asleep we can hear on monitor) and I said to them both please take this out my flat my home is peaceful I don’t want this so they did. But while in the communial bit she said to me if the camera picks up them arguing from the owners of the building and social services are called then it’s my fault if they get called out?! Her bf told her not to talk and shout at and to me like this.

Week before this she kicked the lift with her bf in it, lift got jammed and fire brigade came out. He shouts back at her a lot too

Now believe it or not we have had some great times as friends and initially I was worried about her as they are having relationship troubles. We went to a park on a hot day with her kid just me and her it was lovely and I said to her are u sure this place is free parking can we go somewhere else and she said no it’s free I like it here. I got a fine in the post! I said to her please pay towards it as I looked around for signs couldn’t see any but I did ask u a couple times are u certain it’s free and I suggested going somewhere else. She then screamed at me fuck off I’m not paying that. Fuck off chrissy! AIBU to ask towards the parking ticket?! When it was a day for both of us but she insisted this place was free even though I asked a few times, she said she knew for sure it was free. I’ve had other issues with lifts with her in the past and it all fell on me then too.

The night before I asked this, her bf was kicking her door for hours as she kicked him out with no shoes, wouldn’t even give him his van keys so he could sleep in the van. Now maybe behind closed doors he did things wrong but for the sake of the neighbours she should have given him his keys for his van, he banged her door with my shoes outside my door, one of them split! He said he’s so sorry and will pay me back to replace the shoes. (Always left dirty shoes out my door for years no problem) Now him banging so long is wrong but I felt his frustration tbh.

Neighbours called the police. Unsure if it’s me as I’m next door to her. The police raided my flat! And hers. And before they came up she quickly asked me to cover for her for the sake of their kid. I’m not sure what she meant.

I am soooo drained. My ex was into drugs etc too, im not … I’m quite boring i dont even smoke. I did a little coke with them three (my ex included) before they had their kid… maybe peer pressure I don’t know but it’s not for me. And now I am re building my life.

I’m effectively now over £100 out of pocket (fine and shoes). Yet she thinks me asking towards the fine is wrong? I’m single, have to manage so much alone, he buys her anything she wants she has no concept. Tells me both their money is both of theirs he earns much more yet when I said about my shoes she said that’s on him not me so it’s like it’s both their money when it suits her.

she said she has a big gas and electric bill to pay (I was thinking we all do not just u) and when I said can u pay me after the bill that’s when she shouted at me, she even shoved me out the way. He gets her at least two bottles of wine each night, shoes and clothes she wants, their fags etc too yet can’t afford to help me (she claims I’m her best friend!)… they provide well for their child too before it sounds like they don’t because they really do.

we have had a nice friendship believe it or not, and she’s a good mum, but drinking etc when the kid is in bed isn’t great.

the neighbours have had enough of their fights, yet because I became close to her they come to me when they fall out.

now I want fuck all to do with her but I need money towards this as it’s gonna effect me financially a lot, but I don’t know if IABU?!

OP posts:
KreedKafer · 22/05/2024 12:27

She and her partner are violent alcoholic drug addicts who are controlling and abusing you. She isn't your friend. She's never been your friend.

Stop giving her money. Stop letting her into your flat. Stop letting her use your phone. Tell her very clearly that you want nothing to do with her and report her to the police for harassment if this continues.

Call social services if you're concerned about your child.

You are not going to get your money back from her. But you can stop engaging with her entirely. She's a complete shitshow of a woman and always has been, regardless of the 'good times' you think you've had with her.

MILTOBE · 22/05/2024 12:27

I am exhausted after reading that! You're not going to get any money off her - you have to face that fact.

Either you can stay friends and enforce your boundaries, so no favours, no loans etc (that will be virtually impossible) or you end the friendship. She won't like that but eventually she'll find someone else who won't know any better.

What you can't do is keep lending her money or to expect to get any money back. It's not going to happen.

EmilyTjP · 22/05/2024 12:28

I don’t know where to start with all that!

frankentall · 22/05/2024 12:36

Eh?

Simbaonedaythiswillallbeyours · 22/05/2024 12:45

Time to stop being a wet blanket.

Don't answer the door. Call the police if she persists. Get a Ring doorbell.

Stop giving her money. You won't get back anything you have already given her.

Stop obsessing about her putting on heels and dressing up for her loser boyfriend.

Call Social Services if you are that bothered about their kid.

Don't go to a dealers place for her.

Otherwise, not your circus, not your monkeys.

Crumpleton · 22/05/2024 12:56

You need to stop having anything to do with either of them before you also end up on the wrong side of the authorities and get yourself evicted from your flat due to their behaviour, which TBF you're enabling by not telling her to give it a rest.

She's a mother for heavens sake, who on earth is looking after her DC while she's drugged and pissed out of her head?

Change the company you keep and your neighbours will leave you alone

Naunet · 22/05/2024 13:06

Why the fuck are you buying coke for her when you’re a mother? You need to grow a backbone before it seriously costs you.

murasaki · 22/05/2024 13:27

You all sound like nightmares.

And on a trivial note, keep your shoes inside your home. How odd to leave them outside.

Solongtoshort · 22/05/2024 13:28

You need to learn the word no, forget the money and figure out how to pay it.

She is not your friend.

KiraChris · 22/05/2024 13:30

I’m not a mum

OP posts:
SunshineSky81 · 22/05/2024 13:37

For the love of fu8k ..grow up, and grow a back bone.

Why are you associating with these absolute wasters. You do realize that you could have been done with intent to supply a class A drug if you had been caught. Are you that desperate to be part of something that any old shitshow will do?

to be honest, all of you sound unhinged

peachyqueens · 22/05/2024 13:38

You all sound like you belong on an episode of Jeremy Kyle!

Do any of you work in between fighting/drinking/bitching about each other?!

DrJonesIpresume · 22/05/2024 13:45

SunshineSky81 · 22/05/2024 13:37

For the love of fu8k ..grow up, and grow a back bone.

Why are you associating with these absolute wasters. You do realize that you could have been done with intent to supply a class A drug if you had been caught. Are you that desperate to be part of something that any old shitshow will do?

to be honest, all of you sound unhinged

Yes - buying coke for someone else makes you a drug dealer. It doesn't matter if you were using someone else's money and just collected the stuff, the law won't care.

Stay out of it completely. Don't answer your door. If she keeps hammering on it and won't go away, call the police.

tennesseewhiskey1 · 22/05/2024 13:53

FFS- grow up and tell her to fuck off.

CardiganTardigan · 22/05/2024 14:06

What a shit show.

Naunet · 22/05/2024 14:13

KiraChris · 22/05/2024 13:30

I’m not a mum

Sorry OP, I thought the bit about the baby monitor is in regards to your child, my mistake. Seriously though, you do need to find your backbone, because you are putting yourself at risk, you deserve better than this. Are you scared of saying no to her, and that there could be a backlash?

FredsRoses · 22/05/2024 14:30

Everyone is saying you won't get your money back, but as it was her boyfriend who broke your shoe, then ask HIM for the money, and also tell him that she owes you however much it was for the parking fine - unless he specifically asks, I'd be tempted to say, can I have the money for the shoe you broke, and 'friend' owes me £X, and said you'll give me that too. You never know, if you don't ask, you really won't get it, although she's obviously not going to give it to you.

Other than that, as others have said, tell her to fuck off, you're sick of being constantly used. You should also report her to Social Services for doing Coke and booze, while she has a little one, as the child has to be at risk. She's clearly out of control, and if you persist with this relationship, how long before she ends up getting you to store her drugs in your flat, so that SHE doesn't get in trouble? The rate things are going, you'd do it. So put a stop to this situation NOW!

PippyLongTits · 22/05/2024 14:57

There are so many issues!

You will never see that £100 again. It may not be fair, but if it is your car, it is your fine. Better to pay it sooner than later as these fines can double if not paid within a certain time frame.

The BF with the cash may indeed reimburse you for the shoes. Ask him for the cash and use it to pay off the fine. Forget about replacing the shoes or just get a cheap pair for now.

Not sure the relevance of the upstairs coke dealer - what has he got to do with anything?

You said she is a good mum but also said she is drinking a bottle or more of wine a day, doing coke and having blazing rows in and outside her flat all the time. This doesn't sound like a brilliant mum tbh. Get the daughter some help!

And help yourself too. Stop answering the door to her. Stop giving her your money for bags, booze and coke (or anything else). She obviously has no problem keeping the door closed to her BF or holding a firm "no" with you when you ask her for things.

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