Awful week - am I expecting too much from boyfriend?

[Rizzo8]

I had to euthanise my cat at 19 years old this week and I am heartbroken.

Regardless of what people say or think she was a constant companion who was there during all my biggest life events. I really loved her and I am crying almost constantly.

I've been with boyfriend for under a year but it's fairly serious. A few days before the death of my pet he moved 3.5 hours away elsewhere in the UK for a new job, so we have just become long distance. He adored the cat/she him and he cried from afar and has offered comforting words as much as he can

We are due to meet next month for a few days but I really thought he would offer to come back for a weekend after this happened?

My relatives and best friend are providing physical support and presence but he hasn't offered to do anything.

I sympathise I love my pets so much.

However, I think that you are really minimising what a big thing moving is. You say he gets to work from home and is ‘only’ unpacking. But he moved far away, got a new job (whether he can wfh some days or not) and needs to unpack his life there. It’s a little belittling. As though you want to minimise the importance of anything going on for him, to impress how your needs and wants should be more important.

Agreeing to a LDR meant agreeing that physical support would no longer instantly be available as and when you need it. But I don’t think people really understand that means until it happens. So I don’t think it’s unreasonable for this to come as a shock to you. Are you sure you are actually ok with a LDR

If you need to see him either arrange to go to him or meet him half way.

I think most people wouldn’t expect someone to travel 7 hours to do a weekend visit, just after they moved to a new place with a new job.

Sorry, but I think you need to understand the realities of a long-distance relationship. The very nature of a relationship like that is that you will not have your boyfriend there to comfort you in person when bad things happen. You are going to need to get used to that, if you want to continue the relationship.

I think @yellowsmileyface is right it's terrible timing

He says the move has gone smoothly and doesn't talk about the impact of moving at all but there must be. I've moved myself a few times.

I don't feel up to the journey to see him. Basic things are difficult. My closest friend is bringing dinner tomorrow night - she has a cat so she knows how it is.

In theory I am ok with LDR but these kinds of crises in life don't happen very often and not having his physical support has been tough.

Thanks for replies - reckon I will just try to make do with loved ones nearby and just have to deal with being by myself otherwise

You keep saying you're happy with a LDR. I wouldn't be and it doesn't sound like you are, really. Few relationships survive long distance, especially if there is no end game. Is he coming back in 6-12 months? If not, what is the plan?

The only LDR that I know that have worked were for a determinate period of time and very well planned out where each person layed out their minimum requirements etc.

Is this really about the cat or that this might be the end of your relationship?

im not trying to diminish your grief merely suggesting that the grief of the cat dying and your partner moving are likely intertwined and now you cannot rely on him like you previously did.

I think @SauronsArsehole I had been in a kind of happy bubble with my boyfriend and the cat. I don't mean we spent all our time indoors, I just mean the weather was crap for months so that's how we spent our time often

Having him leave and the cat die days apart has been gruelling and yes it's both him leaving and the death upsetting me.

@DontKnow1988 it's not what I wanted but of all the men I've met in years he is a true gem. It's the right move for his early career.

There is no specific end game currently. He says he will try to get a job back here - but at the same time my job is more flexible/moveable. Also at the same time, I have a much stronger network of friends and family here. So if I move, I'm leaving behind a lot. If we are going to get really serious then of course I will consider it.

For now we plan to alternate weekends and see how it goes. But no end goal yet and I do feel some anxiety about that.