To be annoyed at my DP for working too much?

[unreasoned]

He is paid to work 9-5 five days a week but regularly does at least an hour extra a day and there are weeks where he does 20+ hours extra working all weekend as well as evenings/early mornings.

Company will pay overtime but he doesn't want to claim it. This doesn't make sense to me.

I am annoyed for him that he feels pressure from his employer to work beyond his hours. And I am annoyed/hurt at always being an after thought in all of this.

We also have DS (4). DP is great to do all his jobs as it were. But it's like there is very little left for fun. I always have to push. I always have to plan. I always have to carry the mental load. Is this just life?

I struggle with my mental health so not 100% sure if I being reasonable or my brain is lying to me.

Do you work as well or is he the sole bread winner. If the latter it might be he feels the pressure to be well thought of at work and try to secure his position.

If you also work FT but are having to take on all the family responsibility in addition to your job then YANBU. in this case it would feel like he is trying to improve his career at the expense of yours.

Have you talked to him about why he feels he has to do what he does. Is this justthe culture where he works?

Or you know he's hiding at the office by going in early and staying late to avoid the whole morning and evening routine with a toddler hence he's not claiming his overtime rate.

DH use to work with someone who worked 8-6 but would turn up at 7 and leave at 7 spending that additional hour before and after work sitting in his car watching videos on his phone.

DH thought it was weird that he started doing it and couldn't figure out why until I pointed out his wife had their first child the previous year and is probably back at work and he was avoiding the morning/evening routine and nursery runs.

We both work from home predominantly - similar salaries and levels of responsibility. He does loads around the jobs and doesn't generally avoid things so things are most good in terms of sharing routine jobs but he never sees non-routine things that need to be done so of course I feel like a nag when I mention things.

Every so often he remarks on how important family time is but then reverts right back to working working working. If he was claiming the overtime and getting compensated I'd understand a little - extra money would not be a bad thing right now?! But he doesn't.

I think maybe I'm expecting too much?

Sorry - some of those sentences are barely coherent! My thumb is too fat for my phone keyboard!

Have you asked him why he doesn’t claim overtime?

He says he thinks that will create the expectation that he will keep doing it. But he told me he was clear with them after the last weekend it happened that it wouldn't happen again. So
Can both those things be true??

And there are extra hours all over the place although not to the same degree.