Glory hunter, thunder stealer

[Ballofrage]

DD6 described a very specific want at the weekend. We had fun scouring the internet together looking for the thing that was closest to what she had in mind. We were elated when we found it. Said item was £4 and I then spent £6 on next working day delivery because she really wanted to take the thing to school before the half term. We’ve been tracking the delivery together since Saturday and I finally got an email confirming it had been delivered today. I’m in the office so FaceTimed DD so we could open it together. Turned out DH had already opened the parcel and given it to her. In my anger, I called him a glory hunter and a thunder stealer. He said he didn’t realise it was such a big deal but, Mumsnetters, he absolutely has form for stealing the gift giving moment. Was I unreasonably to respond in the way that I did?

No, you weren't. Make him buy you both a surprise that you can enjoy opening.

Did he actually know it was something special? Who was going to steal the thunder from him by opening it with her in the first place?

Unforgivable.

Unless you specifically communicated it to him that you wanted to be there when DD opened it then yes yabu.

When he said he didn’t realise it was such a big deal, had you actually told him it was and that you wanted to watch DD open it? Or did a package with her name on it just arrive and he opened it with her?

I think you got a moment of glory by being the one to find it online with her and watch her being elated at having found the special thing, and the anticipation of tracking its journey together. She’ll remember that. Hold on to that part.

He had nothing to do with the ordering of the item or any discussions relating to it but he’s been listening to DD and I talking about it for the last few days. He is a bright man, why does he need to be specifically told that I might want to be present for the opening of the item?

@ComtesseDeSpair the package had my name on it, not DD’s but he’s clearly been listening and had an inkling as to what it might be.

I would be more forgiving if he didn’t have form for doing this exact same thing and then claiming he had no idea it was such a big deal. I would also be more forgiving if he just said “yes, you’re right, I shouldn’t have opened it without you when I put no effort whatsoever into this particular thing but I wanted to be the one she looked at with pure joy when she opened it”.

He shouldn’t be opening your post - my husband would never open something addressed to me, unless I had given him prior permission.

I know this is no excuse, but my dad would have done exactly this. He more than once insisted on giving me birthday gifts before the actual day just bc he couldn't wait himself!
He should apologise. But keep it more along the lines of 'never open parcels or letters addressed to me, I don't open your mail'. Quite sternly, without emotion. Noone reasonable could argue with that.
It's a shame but I hope she was well aware it was all down to you that she got her lovely gift.

But it wasn't a surprise. You all knew what it was. Your DD knew it was coming.
I would totally have let her open it too.
The whole point was she wanted the item....not for you to get the glory.
I doubt very much she thinks because Dad gave her the parcel he found it and bought it, so it's you that are obsessed with having the glory.

Why shouldn't she? She did the work.

If your dd is anything like mine, then her first question upon being picked up yesterday and today would have been "has it arrived yet?"
To say "yes, but you have to wait until Mum gets back," (unless you'd said then he wouldn't know you were planning on facetiming) would really take the glamour off it anyway.

@MargaretThursday isnt the answer to that “I don’t know if it has arrived yet” and not “let me open mummy’s parcel to see”?

I totally get why you’re angry, but it’s a YABU vote from me, I’m afraid - if he clocked anything, it was probably just that your DD was keen for it, so he passed it to her.

I can see why you're miffed Op, you did the work and got what she wanted and your DH's jumped the gun when he didn't do anything. You wanted to be there to see her pleasure, not to claim the glory.

But that's what OP called her DH....maybe he just wanted to see her pleasure? Or more likely just wanted her to feel it.

I like seeing people open gifts but that doesn't take precedence over them enjoying the gift

@FTPM1980 I think most people like watching other people open gifts but few would open a parcel addressed to someone else, discover a gift they didn’t buy, and then hand the gift to the recipient for them to open without checking with the person who did buy it first.

@FTPM1980 I think most people like watching other people open gifts but few would open a parcel addressed to someone else, discover a gift they didn’t buy, and then hand the gift to the recipient for them to open without checking with the person who did buy it first.

@FTPM1980 I'm sure her DH enjoyed seeing his DD with the present but he didn't find it, order it or pay for it. It's not so wrong for her DM to want to share that moment surely? He should have waited until she came home and they could both have enjoyed it

Honestly, this is like that other recent poster who threw a fit because her 21 year old son opened his birthday presents without her being there.

OP, I was expecting this to be about someone taking credit for your scientific discovery or plagiarising your Booker-winning novel, not your husband letting your daughter open a £4 internet purchase in your absence.

If it was a surprise gift maybe
Personally not sure we would class this as a gift in our house. One of the kids wants/needs something- they have no means themselves to buy it- we find it together as you did but its entirely their choice of item, and I order it.

If they are home and I am not, but they are confident what the parcel is they open it. They would only ask if they didn't know it was for them.