Worried I won't be interested when I have grandchildren

[Summerbeachdays]

This is probably a weird thing to worry about because eldest is still only a teenager.

Sometimes though, I read threads on here or when I think about my parents and pil, I wonder what kind of grandparent I would be.

The thing is that I have no interest in babies but of course I loved and looked after my own. I would not want to have a baby or toddler now though. Older children are fab but again, only my own.

My own parents have never been very involved grandparents, my mum is to my dc but doesn't go out of her way.

My mil loves babies and can talk forever about babies, but seemed to lose all interest after about age 4. Seems to be a common theme. When my nieces and nephews have been born people seemed to assume I'd want to spend ages holding and cuddling them but I'm actually thinking I hope they don't be sick on me.

@Summerbeachdays

I'm so glad to hear someone else say this, I'm in my mid 50s now, and I've got two daughters in their mid to late 20s - both getting married in the next couple of years. No grandkids (yet.)

I've got a number of friends and friendly acquaintances, aged from 48 to 63 who've become grandparents in the last 4 to 8 years. And they're absolutely obsessed with their grandchildren, constantly posting pictures on social media, constantly talking about them, and (oddly) as a pp spoke about, a couple of them keep blathering on about how they're more special than their own children!

They look after them 4 to 6 times a month, (for a whole day, or half a day.) And see them quite regularly.

But to be honest with you, the thought of my adult daughters having children doesn't fill me with excitement. I've got absolutely no desire whatsoever to have any grandchildren. I feel like I spent 22 to 23 years raising kids, (which I absolutely loved, and I would never, ever change a thing if I could turn back the clock.) Some of the best times in my life was with my girls. But I don't really desire any grandchildren.

Maybe if they do have a couple of children in 5 to 8 years time or whatever, I'll absolutely adore them and wonder what on earth I was on about (now.) But right now I'm not craving a grandchild/desperate for grandchildren like some people are. Some parents nag and bully their adult children to give them a grandchild. I am just really genuinely not feeling like this. I'm not bothered about having one. As I said, I will probably feel differently if/when they come along, but right now I feel no desire for grandchildren.

My kids don’t have particularly involved or interested grandparents. They are enjoying holidays, hobbies, friends. We typically see them a couple of times a year. They have never babysat, or done a school pick up, or attended events for the kids. It’s not a big deal. It’s entirely possible you might be that type of grandparent and that is ok.

I'm similar to you OP, and admit, the same crossed my mind. I have no interest in babies and enjoyed my own DC more the older they got. I knew I'd be a very involved GP, it's the way it is in my family, and my adult child and partner lived with me when first DGC came along, so I did have some trepidation. What I didn't realise that I'd take a look at DGC and feel the exact same pull to her as I had to my own DC and loving her, her sibling and cousin has been the easiest most natural thing. I'm not going to lie, I don't enjoy nappies, crawling on the floor with bricks and reading the same book for the 100th time any more than I ever did, but I love these children like I wouldn't have believed, so do it anyway. And of course, it's much easier because it's not 24/7.

It's absolutely ok for you not to be an involved grandparent, or indeed be interested!

My parents only see my nieces and nephews every couple of months. They are enjoying their retirement, hobbies and trips after working hard their whole lives! They did make it clear from day one they'd never be childcare or day trip GC's.

My sons and my niece were my mum’s world. She adored them. It’s likely coming up to my turn. I like babies but I’m not sure I want a toddler rampaging through my home. Maybe I’ll feel differently. Who knows x

My mother wasn't especially maternal towards my sibling and I. She was dealing with my depressed father barely out of her teens so I don't blame her for shutting down emotionally towards everything. We were never deprived just not a very loving household.

However she absolutely dotes on my two kids (her only grandchildren). She dropped everything and travelled 2 1/2 hours to us when I was in labour both times (despite working full time). She held them both within 24 hours of being born. She always asks if she can have them for sleepovers and holidays. She calls them for video calls most weekends and sees them several times a month. Now that I've had children I can put together more of what my parents relationship was like. We've had several heart to hearts over recent years as a result. I feel that she is the best grandparent because she wants to make up for the upbringing my siblings and I had.

I think just wait and see and try not to worry. I think my parents were (happily) surprised at just how much they adored their GC and how close they felt/feel to them. I joke that they love them more than my brother and I! I think it's like having DC but not having to do too much of the constant drudge bits.

My brother and SIL have my parents who are very hands on GP to their DC and do childcare etc and SIL's parents who are less hands on but do more practical things like making the DC a playhouse and helping with gardening, decorating, doing crafts with DC etc. There are lots of ways to be a lovely supportive mum/grandmother.