Dd won’t go to school

[Whatareedanamebeans]

She’s almost 6, we’re abroad so it’s Pre school before she legally has to be in everyday in September.
She loves her friends and playing, it hasn’t all been plain sailing in the two years of her going there, but overall she was happier recently and going in no problem.
We had a time in the autumn when she was hysterical not to go in and found out it was due to a boy hitting her. We went into the school, they kept an eye on it until the last couple of weeks when she’s started not wanting to go in. We managed to get to the bottom of it being this boy again, apparently he has some issues, is often told off and hits a lot of kids. She said he ran up to her and hit her with his water bottle on her nose (hard, plastic kids one) then ran off laughing. She said she told a new playground assistant who saiid something along the lines of ‘It’s life’
Shes crying at night now and wouldn’t go in this morning. I sent another message to the teacher explaining it all and how we can’t get her in and she’s v upset because of this boy.
We’ve tried reassuring her the teacher will deal with it now and he won’t do it again, tried building resilience in her/teaching her to try to be brave and stand up to him etc etc.
Shes quite a sturdy child generally, but this is really upsetting her
What more do we do?
My worry is for next year, she obviously can’t just not go to school for days on end if something happens

Sorry to hear this op. My daughter had similar, it was dealt with by the school and sorted. Your DD’s school needs to deal with it. Good luck!

Firm words with the school needed, and then you’ll need to consider moving her if school staff do not deal with this.

I would also try to find out who his child’s parents are and have a word. My DS when 6 thought it would be a great idea to practise a jujitsu move on a girl in his class in the playground and she was upset. Her mum raised it with me very reasonably. I gave him the mother of all tellings off and made it clear that ju-jitsu would stop if he did it again - he knew very well that Sensei takes a dim view of them trying out moves on other kids. Problem solved.

I think telling her to be brave and more resilient is the wrong approach as it’s suggesting that her behaviour/attitude that needs to change to resolve the issue. The issue is that another child is hitting her and that shouldn’t be happening. She has the right to go to school and not be assaulted.

I would direct my energy towards the school, email and have meetings with them to find out what they intend to do to ensure that your daughter is safe at school.

@MrMotivatorsLeotard Youre right, but also want to equip her as she’ll likely come across people like this in life

Her response is totally rational. She doesn’t want to go in because she’s worried about this boy. Therefore as pp said it’s the school’s responsibility to show that they are dealing with it rather than you needing to build your resilience in DD. In my experience schools tend to push all the responsibility back on to parents rather than addressing issues in the school environment.

She said she told a new playground assistant who saiid something along the lines of ‘It’s life’

It really does infuriate me when anyone says this, it down plays a persons feelings and isn't "life".

No one should have to put up with being abused and by hitting your DC in the face then running away laughing is pretty much being told their behaviour is acceptable if there's no consequence for their behaviour.

I'd either go in or write an email stating that you'd never do such a thing to you DC at home and you certainly don't send them to school to have it done to them there, they have a duty of care and as the child is already known to the school for using unwanted behaviour you'd like to know how the head teacher is going to deal with the child as its repetitive and causing your DC to not want to attend school.

While I don't know if it's a legal requirement for a child to attend school I'd feel that while they do so its the schools job to care for the child while they are attending.

@Crumpleton I know, when Dd told me that I was so angry, she clearly couldn’t be arsed to do anything about it

If your daughter has been assaulted at school multiple times, you need to deal with it more forcefully. How many times have you met with the school? What active measures of prevention have they tried? If none, why have you not brought in a solicitor at this point?

So now found out through a neighbour friend (her Ds friends with Dd) that this boy has a challenging and sad background-drug addict parents and lives with his grandma and is receiving psychological help from the school.
I feel very sad for his situation indeed.
I still need to keep my Dd safe and her be my priority

While this is sad for the child it really isn't your DC fault and it's not in his best interest to be left to continue with his behaviour, all that's happening is there a possibility of him being the next generation of drug user.

Has his Grandma been called in to school to have a meeting with the head teacher?

Yes, it is desperately sad and I hope the little boy is getting all the help he needs. Although, I would suggest he needs more specific help with hurting others.

However, your DD still deserves to be safe, no matter what.

Dh spoke to the teacher tonight, she always seems so defensive, we always come at things in a polite, open way, we just want her help. She said Dd hadn’t said anything/complained and should say it at the time. Kids don’t always though, do they! It’s been playing on DD’s mind obviously and comes out in her saying she doesn’t want to go to school but can’t always articulate why, shouldn’t a childhood educator understand this?
The teacher said Dd doesn’t play with anyone from other classes (boy is in another class) she definitely plays with three other children from his class, besides, that’s not the point is it? It’s obviously at playtime and he’s ran over to her. She also said to Dh that the drinking bottles the children have were for drinking from…?? Well, yes, exactly why he shouldn’t be hitting her on the nose with his