My doctor is on maternity leave, i am on citalopram for anxiety and depression. On the whole i am managing quite well and feeling ok (especially now the nice weather is on its way ). But i am getting horrendous PMT, so much so that im scared i'm going to hurt myself. It is such a strong almost physical sensation of terribleness that i can;t explain it. Its the most severe symptoms i have suffered with so far. I made a doctors appointment thinking, i need to get some help. (ive pasted the next bit from my other thread)
Well the doctor was AWFUL (a locum, my doc on maternity leave) i am so . I arrived late (and yes, i hate that too!) but dd did a poo just as we were leaving and as i usually have to wait AGES in the doctors i thought i would change her. Well the first thing she said was, after i apologised for being late "well you are 7 minutes late we don't have much time" NOT a good start then. So i explained that i wanted a repeat prescription for citalopram, but that i have been having really bad PMT to the point where i am suicidal. She just said, well citalopram treats PMT just up your dose (cant do that, on highest dose for me 40mg). So she said, i will just have to try herbal remedies, no recommendation though. THEN she asked me how long i had been on the tablets - i said nearly a year. Her reply was "well you really should start to take responsibility for yourself and not rely on tablets you cant stay on them for ever you know" I was almost too gobsmacked to speak. This is the response i get to telling someone i am suicidal . I just said, well i was given counselling but it wasnt enough - she said i should go private - um, i thought, have you actually read my notes. So i felt ok this morning, now im seething angry - condescending cow obviously had me weighed up as lazy, ignorant scrounger the minute i walked through the door in my scruffy gardening clothes!
I have now spent the whole day feeling bad, i felt OK this morning before i went to see her. I KNOW i cant be on the pills forever, i most certainly dont want to be, but i know myself and i know im not ready to come off of the tablets without further therapy - i have asked on more than one occasion for CBT but been told i cant get it on NHS. Right now i am fighting the urge to cut my hair, i dont know why, but just because i wonder if my greasy locks make people think badly of me? I am so angry with this woman, i did manage to dig over my veggie patch in record time . But what do i need to do to get help? Before when my doctor was around i knew i would have someone who, without being over sympathetic, would understand and offer help - she actually was suggesting further treatment but then she went and had her baby. She told me her locum was really nice - well i guess she is just choosy. The thing is, she wasnt nasty, all these things were said behind a false smile. She just made me feel useless all over again.