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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think some people are horrible just for the sake of being horrible?

9 replies

PuppiesProzacProsecco · 21/05/2024 12:08

Currently working with a real nasty piece of work - she's rude to clients, nasty to other staff and has told some really malicious lies (proven) about other team members.

Management had the opportunity to sack her recently (proven gross misconduct) but decided to "give her another chance". Staff are afraid to be alone with her as we know she's a liar and doesn't seem to need a motive to stick the knife in.

Am I being unreasonable to think that some people (hopefully a small minority) are just genuinely horrible people or is there always a "reason/justification" for this kind of terrible behaviour?

OP posts:
BedDepartment · 21/05/2024 12:18

I think you're giving her motives/psychology far too much headspace. She's presumably on her 'last chance' in your workplace if there's been proven gross misconduct. If she keeps behaving unpleasantly to colleagues or clients, keep a log of incidents and report to your line manager.

HcbSS · 21/05/2024 12:21

I worked with one like this in a multinational company. She was proud of how she treated people and the managers humoured her ‘oh you know what she’s like’.
I wasn’t the only one who had health problems and ended up leaving and finding alternative employment because of her. I dreaded going to work.

SpringDime · 21/05/2024 12:30

These types are pathologically ill and other than that, there is no excuse. I've worked with exactly this sort before and even have some within extended family. They derive perverse pleasure fro!m others pain, love to create divide and rule dynamics, will backstab/ lie/spread malicious gossip in order to upset their targets, and will do anything necessary to break you down. I've long given up working out the ' whys ' - if you're a normal person you will never understand their motivations, but I do believe it stems from a place of pain, perhaps childhood trauma, who knows. Whereas some will turn this pain inwards resulting in depression/ anxiety, others will externalise it and push their hurt at others, wanting ultimately to make people feel as miserable, fearful and insecure as possible.

PuppiesProzacProsecco · 21/05/2024 13:11

BedDepartment · 21/05/2024 12:18

I think you're giving her motives/psychology far too much headspace. She's presumably on her 'last chance' in your workplace if there's been proven gross misconduct. If she keeps behaving unpleasantly to colleagues or clients, keep a log of incidents and report to your line manager.

She is supposedly on her last chance - but I have little confidence it'll be followed through. We found out today that our latest resignation was directly related to her nasty behaviour. Of course, the person concerned doesn't want to raise a formal grievance blah blah blah.

She's already targeted me as being "out to get her" so I'm not particularly keen to stick my head above the parapet again.

OP posts:
frankentall · 21/05/2024 13:15

YANBU I often wonder what such people get out of being like this.

BedDepartment · 21/05/2024 13:23

PuppiesProzacProsecco · 21/05/2024 13:11

She is supposedly on her last chance - but I have little confidence it'll be followed through. We found out today that our latest resignation was directly related to her nasty behaviour. Of course, the person concerned doesn't want to raise a formal grievance blah blah blah.

She's already targeted me as being "out to get her" so I'm not particularly keen to stick my head above the parapet again.

Well, then, make sure you get her. Document everything.

Supersimkin2 · 21/05/2024 13:46

I don’t think the reason why these types misbehave is as important as the damage they do.

Junk genes, bad parents, choice - they prob won’t stop even if everyone inc them know why.

Avoid. As much as you can. Don’t be alone with them, ever. Be ruthlessly polite about it and off you go.

I suspect we’ve all had one at work. My last one was a racist who attacked our boss, telling the most unpleasant lies, and then insisted she couldn’t be a racist cos she was South Asian. Luckily the anonymous texts were still on boss’ phone and employment contract not renewed.

Pettyman · 21/05/2024 13:50

I honestly don’t think management know what to do with these nasty pieces of work. In my last office (I’m retired now) the bullies weren’t challenged. The line manager even used to stand whispering with one particularly spiteful little busybody troll who poked her nose into everyone else’s business non stop. Made such a terrible atmosphere. This was public sector. Perhaps private sector companies don’t stand for this 🤷‍♀️
Edited at add: no idea why she was like she was. Bitter, joyless, spiteful. Seemed to have decent parents growing up. Never managed to work it all out

the80sweregreat · 21/05/2024 18:08

My dh was an engineer and he met some toxic people / managers of both sexes.
It's sad that people can't be decent.

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