To think he should cleam up after himself

[Ferfecksackmammy]

My ex comes to my house to look after our son when I'm working. Every time i come home the house is a mess and Every dish that has been used is dirty. There appears to be no effort made to keep things tidy.

It's not a great situation as it is but I'm stuck if he doesn't come here I won't be able to work. I work for the NHS and work shifts (day and night).

I have looked into wrap around care and a different job but our son is a wheelchair user so this is proving difficult to find as they would need additional staff for his care.

Anyone?

Can he not look after your joint son at his own house?

Have you tried asking him to keep it tidied and clean up after himself? Assuming the answer is yes.

If no to first question and yes to second, I’m not sure what you can do? Maybe limit the number of plates etc that are available to him by locking some away? No way to live though!

In your shoes I would expect him to clean whatever he's used. Do you know why he isn't?
If you previously lived with him, do you know if this is normal behaviour?

His house is not suitable. I've tried speaking to him and he'll be better briefly then go back to doing nothing. If I bring it up again it ends in an argument and he threatened to leave me to it. Its exhausting.

Difficult. Yes any decent person would clean up after themselves but he is saving you a massive amount in childcare costs and enabling you to work. What kind of mess is he leaving aside from unwashed dishes?

No wonder he's your ex! Tell him to grow up, bloody idiot

Every toy is on the floor or table. It's not just unwashed dishes it's every surface in the kitchen is a mess not a crumb cleaned.

He might be saving me a fortune in childcare but he doesn't contribute anything else.

You're also saving HIM a fortune in childcare by being your sons primary carer

Yup. But it is like a game of chicken. Loads of Dads of disabled children just up and leave, very few Mums do*. He knows she isn't going to jeapordise their son's wellbeing.

*NB source is having done a lot of children and families work and observed this, I don't have a study to cite. Yes some men stay. Yes some women leave, but the numbers are proportionately tiny.

This is tricky as there isn’t much you can do. Put some locks on the kitchen cupboards, get out two plates, two bowls, two cups and lock them? Ditto toy cupboards.