So confused

[Champagneandpringles24]

I am currently so confused and on desperate need of advice please.

At 18 I was diagnosed with a serious heart condition and was told I could never carry a child. I spent a long, long time coming to terms with this news and spent many years grieving the fact I'd never be a mum.

I married and raised 3 step children, my marriage wasn't great due to DV. I eventually left after 15 years.

I met current partner just over a year ago. Relationship is steady and I'm happy.

I was honest from the start about not bring able to have children. Partner was ok with this, he already has DC.

After a chance phone call with my health specialist, she asked if I'd thought about starting a family. I relayed the information I was given at 18, she informed me many things have changed in the last 18 years and I can infact be supported through pregnancy. She discussed medication with me and said although I'd be classed as high risk they'd support me through the whole process and informed me of the many successful pregnancies of other patients with the same condition.

Initially I was elated after the phone call to finally feel like I have the choice. Since then though I am having doubts, am I too old, would I even be a good parent. Is it truly what I want now at my age.

I am so confused. I have craved this for the last 18 years, it's a dream come true but I am so scared of being a failure.

Am I to old to become a mum at 36?

My partner is very happy at the news and said he'd be delighted if we started a family.

Just wanted to add, my condition is very well managed, I am extremely lucky to live symptom free.

you must have been very young when you married and raised 3 step children.

in depends how solid your relationship is
a year isn’t long
biologically and societally - 36 isn’t too old

@paprikaforever I met exh at 19 his DC were 2, 3 & 5. I left that relationship just after my 35th birthday

and went straight into a new relationship that you’re now considering having a baby with

i would give yourself and the relationship time

You are not too old.

Do what makes you happy.

@paprikaforever my previous relationship was a long time gone before I left.
Unfortunately time isn't really on my side and I'm more emotionally settled now than I ever have been. I feel like I am finally with the right person. I feel like I have found my missing piece with him.

I had my first baby at 36 and my second at 41 , the best thing I've ever done.

That’s wonderful news for you. You are definitely not too old!!

@Xccccc this has warmed my heart. Thank you.

@Goldengirl123 it really is amazing, I just wasn't in a million years ever expecting to be in this position. It's exciting but very scary

I'm 36 this year and I've just had my first baby. My partner is 42 and we had lots of discussions wondering if we were too old to be parents but looking at the world these days, couples are waiting and not starting families until they are well into their 30s.

I'm glad I waited and didn't rush into it when I was in my 20's. You also get extra support from midwife's etc which is very comforting.

Don't ever think you are too old, 36 is no age 🩷

@Babycatsmummy thank you & congratulations ❤️

Not too old!! Myself and many friends are having kids into late thirties

I'm 35 and having my first baby. I know someone who was born when her mum was 44!

I had my first at 39 and its been life affirming

Definitely not too old and you obviously you would make a good mother given your step children. It's just a matter of clearing the fog of whether this is just something younger you desperately wanted.
At least you've been given the option now.
I wish you the very best whatever you decide.

Bluntly, I wouldn't have a baby with someone I'd only been with for a year after I'd left a DV marriage that lasted from the age of 19 to 35. It's great that you now have the possibility of having a child, don't rush into anything. If you got together with a man (I'm assuming much older) with three children aged 19, and deal with him being violent, you have very little relationship experience, no healthy relationship experience, and have never been single in adulthood.

(Also, this is the second or third time I've seen something similar on Mn recently -- someone taking medical advice they were given as a teenager as gospel, without apparently ever seeking another opinion in subsequent decades. Medical advances change, and different medics will feel differently about what is possible!)

I had my first baby at 39 and my second at 43, both naturally (no fertility treatment). Go for it, it's definitely worth a try.

I think if your body is willing then it's never too late for a baby to be in the arms of someone who desperately wants them and will love them, that's what children need more than anything, to be loved and wanted

You're not too old but if your calculations are correct, you literally jumped from one relationship straight into another.

I'd give yourself some breathing space before thinking about having kids with the new man.

have you always been very careful with protection or because you didn’t think you could get pregnant… you were quite relaxed about unprotected sex with your ex?

are you still in contact with the children out of interest?

My mum had me at 39! She's an amazing mum

I was in a very similar situation to yourself except I knew about my heart condition from an early age. I 18 I was told I wasn’t able to have children. Things definitely changed and I now have 2 healthy children- a baby and a toddler.

Both pregnancies were high risk and had their complications. The first pregnancy I had to shield from Covid and worked from home- I had to avoid everyone, even family and have weekly check ups. At 37 weeks I as admitted to hospital and had a planned c section at 39 weeks. I recovered very well.

Second pregnancy was a bit more complicated but baby arrived at 38 weeks and was also very healthy.
Both children had to get extensive checks to make
sure their hearts were okay.

I was reassured throughout both pregnancies that they would take very good care of me and the hospital definitely did.

I’m glad you’ve been given the news and don’t think your age is a problem at all!