Changing name for this. I've been married for just over 6years now, been together 8 years, no children. I'm 36 and hes 35. We fell deep for each other and were so sure of marriage (both christians). He's loving, caring and romantic in so many ways, always has my back infront of family and friends, reminds me how smart and beautiful I am daily. But despite all of this, there a few things have become thorns in my marriage:
He is lazy and complacent, in most areas of life. He completed masters but struggled to find his feet straight after and has been in a£28k salary job for the past 3 years. Whenever I mention finding a better job to help us achieve our goals ie get mortgage for house, travel, have children, and also go for a job that reflects his education because I do feel he should be in higher paid roles. He becomes overwhelmed and says he doesnt feel smart enough for higher paid jobs. This is a constant cycle. Last year he enrolled onto a course to up skill himself, we paid £700 but he never completed it. I do beleive him as it's tough when you dont believe in yourself.
Hes gained so much weight from from over eating over the years, if we go out anywhere within an hour he'll start to complain about pain in feet, back etc. I'll be lying if i said I still find him sexually attractive ( I still love him) and I remind him that he is choosing to increase the risk of making me a widow young by the lifestyle he is living. Also we dont have a sexual relationship, as he has phimosis (tight foreskin) which causes performance issues for him, i only found this out after marriage as we decided to keep intimate relationship for after marriage. Despite me nagging him to get help for years, he only decided to get himself referred a year ago. Hes been for a med assessment and the medic concluded that it is slightly tight, but not to the point where it should cause issues in the bedroom. I feel this is the case and most of it is the anxiety of feeling discomfort which then effects his performance. Hes been referred for psychological help but they closed him saying its physical. Catch 22. Hes now on waiting list to have circumcision on NHS. Because of this we've not been able to have children.
Lastly, as mentioned above hes lazy around the house, I have to nag him to get some household jobs done, doesnt deliver promises made, is financially careless. Weve had many many fights over these issues. He clearly has some commitment issues and I suspect hidden depression which is root cause but he denies it. As much as I try and remind myself to be patient and give time, I find myself in deep rabbit hole questioning my life decisions. I still love him, but I can't help but feel undervalued in this marriage and feel I'm wasting my time. My biological clock is ticking and already behind a few years with having children, and who knows how long more it's going to take.
Please tell me if I'm being an unreasonable and need to be more patient in our marriage