To exercise?

[Bananasontoast2]

So I love exercise. Always have. Love the feeling of the endorphins rushing through my body.

Ive got a lot of stress in my life due to a poorly relative who needs additional care from me, plus usual life stuff. So exercise is my escape too.

I always do it when it doesn’t effect my family, so fit it in rather than let it overtake.

However dh and I have been going through a rocky patch. He has history of gaslighting towards me, possibly narcissistic traits etc. He is now saying that my exercise ‘addiction’ is to blame for our marriage difficulties. How? I feel
fit and healthy and empowered by it. Could this be the reason?

Aibu to exercise daily?

Do what you want with your body. If exercising makes you happy then don’t give it up for anyone. No one should have to give up the things they love for a partner - partners should complement your life not take away from it.

He’s looking for any excuse to make you feel guilty.

Daily is Ideal

With family life and work more than an hour a day may be too much

Guess it's how it impacts others

Does your DH get time to work exercise and do stuff that's important to him ?

Do you still get half an hour a day to just chill , to go over stuff together ?

Well, it depends how much exercise and what happens if you have to miss it.

Popping out for a run for half an hour at lunchtime or before/after work or whatever is a pretty normal thing to do every day. Two or three hours of training at the gym every night or spending your entire evening on a treadmill at home every day - not so normal.

A morning workout every day if you've got time, but sometimes giving it a miss because you've got other things on - normal. Missing a morning workout and feeling anxious because you haven't done it, and then cancelling plans to go to the cinema or something with your husband in the evening so you can work out instead - not normal.

Does he also get time to himself to do something he enjoys?

However, I think if you're at the stage of a relationship where you're accusing each other of gaslighting and narcissism etc, this marriage has very much run its course anyway.

I would tend to agree with this, but I have noticed that when people on Mumsnet post 'AIBU to think my DH should stop playing football twice a week now that we have kids?' there's usually a torrent of replies saying that he's a selfish bastard and a man-baby and telling the OP to leave the kids with him on his training night and book herself in for a massage.

On the face of it, no, you're not unreasonable. But more info is needed imo. For example,

• do you do it rigidly so that no other plans can ever be made during your exercise time?
• do you do it at the expense of spending time as a couple?
• do you do it at the expense of other things e.g. childcare, work, chores etc?
• is it all you ever talk/think about? E.g. telling him about your pace and your latest PB etc
• do you berate him about doing more exercise?

Etc.

It's hard to see why he would have a problem unless something like the above applies. Or he's just a dick. Either one 🤷🏻‍♀️

I tend to do it before they all get up. 6am and done. Or at lunchtime when it doesn’t affect anyone. It’s not set in stone at all and I’m really flexible around my family.
tbh I often take my eldest with me, as she enjoys sport too. My kids are independent teens so not an issue really.

I always put time with dh first. Always. I’d work my needs of exercise around others.

he just seems super angsty that I’m doing it in the first place

I wondered if it’s abnormal to want to be fit

Good post, TakeALetter. The answer often lies in things OP didn't say.