To think I can go home?

[Pinkjarblujar]

I've been in a psych ward since December with severe depression. Children are 7, 5 and 1. My STBXH had been treating me very badly and I was at breaking point when admitted to hospital. I was on maternity leave and was the primary career. We're both listed on our mortgage.

When it was clear that the marriage was broken, my health quickly deteriorated further and I left home to be admitted to hospital on a voluntary basis. During this time, my STBXH stepped into my role at work. He is currently performing my role. He has also been caring for the children. Now that I'm ready to be discharged, he is claiming that he has the right to stay in our home (he covered the mortgage for the last six months but it's in both of our names) and will only allow me to see the children through solicitors.

So I find that I am homeless, unable to see my children (who are desperately missing me) and potentially have lost my job as well.

Can he do this? Obviously I realise it would not be wise to try to move in while he's there but is he correct in thinking that he's got the house and kids?

You need to speak to a solicitor ASAP. As far as your job is concerned, your husband cannot take your role; only your employer can dismiss you and I would be speaking candidly to them as soon as possible. I hope it works out for you.

Woman are usually advised not o leave the home - or give up the caring role in children’s lives. I am sorry this is happening to you. You may have a long battle ahead.

Thanks for your input. In this instance, I didn't give the role up. I sought help and agreed to a voluntary hospital admission to recover, with the goal of returning to my role as a mother. I was hoping this would be seen as a positive step. This is the first episode of depression I have had and came after a period of emotional abuse.

Bump

Sorry this is happening to you OP.

But you really need legal advice, not Mumsnet.

Good luck with it all

Thanks. I'm going to a solicitor tomorrow but it's a long time to wait.

Why did he start doing your job? That seems very odd and I am amazed your employer allowed it. And how is he caring for a 1 year old if he is working?

I think she meant her role as main parent rather than a paid employed role.

Edited to say on re reading maybe not, and that does seem odd.

So sorry you are going through this 😔
you did the right thing seeking help for your mental health.

has he sought to support the kids to maintain an relationship with you whilst you’ve been in hospital? Have you been able to see them regularly? Or do you feel like he’s freezing you out.

stay calm and remember the legal system is set up to put the kids interests at the heart and enable them to have relationships with both parents.

show that you are being rational, reasonable and putting their needs first. Don’t let him push your buttons.

Get your mental health professionals on side in terms of supporting you to have an active mothering role.

you might have to start small with the kids and build up time with them again as they will need to adjust too.

if you can’t afford a solicitor maybe there’s a mental health advocacy charity that could help. Ask your clinicians about advocacy.

We both work in the same industry.

He's getting special help with childcare costs because of the situation.