Is it ever ok to just go silent on someone?

[LavenderFlowers]

I am sick of the way I have been treated lately and have explained in a short message and then stopped replying. He wants to meet up/explain and sort it out. I don't because the only way I can be strong is to ignore/not speak to him. If I see him or speak to him I know I will go along with what he says

Is it emotionally abuse to go silent on someone or is it ok in some scenarios?

I guess it depends on how long you’ve been together. If a long term partner just stopped speaking to me then I’d be hurt but if I’d treated them badly then I couldn’t really argue it.

If you’ve been on a few dates and already explained then fair enough!

I would be inclined to send one more message and make it quite firm that you don’t like what’s been happening and would not like to progress it any further so you two are finished and then I would block.
Don’t feel pressured into messaging this person again and just block if you feel overwhelmed.

I agree with poster above, if you owe him nothing then I think it's ok.

If you have links in life like mutual friends, live in a small town etc then I think it's best to explain. Unless what he has done is terrible, then no explanation needed

It’s fine.

You don’t owe anyone a conversation.

I dated a guy who became incredibly clingy very quickly. I ended it multiple times and he just wouldn’t take no for an answer. Messaging to ask how he could improve for the future etc. I had to stop replying and blocked him. He turned contact through different social media for a while and each time I blocked and ignored. I think sometimes it’s just what is needed

Going silent out of nowhere is not okay. But if I'm understanding your OP correrctly, you explained why you broke up and why things aren't working for you, and now he wants to force you to engage? In which case I think going silent is fine. O)f course, that's not necessarily true if you were together for 10 years and have children etc. So I'm assuming it's a relatively short relationshpi and the breakup did not come out of nowhere.

You could send a final message - I've already told you why I wasn't happy and why this wasn't working for me. Please respect my decision.

We aren't a short relationship but we were recently reconciled so it's been short this time around.

He's not forcing me but he wants to meet to explain his behaviour, he thinks it'll be easier face to face. I always end up going back so this time I want to stay silent

I saw posts on here before when men went silent on women it was called 'emotional abuse' or 'controlling' so I wanted to get outside views

Easier for him. But you are under no obligation to make it easier for him. Your priority is yourself.

It's controlling and emotionally abusive when the silent treatment is used to punish someone, to coerce them into behaving how you want.

It's a different matter if you're going silent in the interest of self preservation. In this case, you've already given him an explanation, which isn't the same as ghosting someone or going silent. You don't owe him further discussion on the matter.

The only reason he wants to meet to explain is because he knows full well he'll be able to convince you to give him another chance. You definitely don't owe him that.

What difference would it make to you what label it’s given? If it’s not working for you, and you don’t want to see him, say so and don’t see him.

Tell him the relationship is finished for good and then go silent, or better still block him.

It feels like your silence isn't 'final' enough and it'll lead to him contacting you further if he doesn't know you're finished with him.

I think you’ve misunderstood this. When people say it’s emotionally abusive to give someone the silent treatment, they mean it’s emotionally abusive to give someone the silent treatment while you are still in a relationship with them as a means of punishing or manipulating them. It’s not abusive to end a relationship and then stop contact.

You have told this man you don’t want to see him again. It isn’t emotional abuse or ‘control’ to dump someone, ffs! You don’t owe him another nanosecond of your time.

From what you’ve said, it sounds like this was a really unhealthy relationship. You need to block his number now and make it a clean break; you can’t be friends.

It’s not like you’ve ghosted him; you’ve made your position clear to him. That’s the end of it. He needs to accept it and leave you alone now.

I'm guessing this behaviour is the same behaviour that made you break up the first time?

Haha. No, it's not abusive to refuse to engage with him again. You've told him that getting back together didn't work for you, and why. If he wants to explain himself and apologise, he can write a letter. Which you can choose to read or not read. YOu are not obligated to give up any more of your time or energy to this man.

In some ways I'd love him to change and hope me going silent would help that, so maybe it's a tad manipulative on my part but mostly I am just doing it for my own head space

But you didn't go silent or ghost you messaged him to end things. That's it.

I would send another one saying 'I'm not willing to meet up, please accept that this relationship is over and please don't contact me again.'

If he contacts you again say

'I've asked you twice to please stop contacting me again yet you continue. Please stop. If you contact me again I will speak with the police ' and do do this

There does come a point where there's nothing left to say. You're not using the silent treatment as a punishment, it just sounds like you've had enough of a toxic cycle.

It sounds like you're doing it to punish him into being a different person.

This relationship hasn't worked in the past, it's not working now and it won't in the future.

Your head space would benefit much more from splitting up.

Excellent username @TwattyMcFuckFace 😂