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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

End of my tether with my sons dad's actions

18 replies

LD233 · 20/05/2024 16:13

So I have an almost 10 month old son. I have had issues with his dad since the start of my pregnancy we split then
He used to have our baby 1 night a week and now he wants to do every other weekend when I don't think that's appropriate until he's older as a baby needs consistency
He doesn't ever ask or check up on our child. He has just been on a 2 week holiday with his girlfriend and her kids and his older child. He told me that they have been fighting and she has been attacking him and he slapped her back . She is pregnant and due in October with his 3rd baby. He told me things are going to change when baby arrives. He doesn't buy anything for our son he refused to lay for nursery and pays child maintenance whar we agreed. He's now saying as the holiday has skinted him out he can't give me child maintenance for the next few weeks when I am struggling with money myself at the moment.
1 - I don't want my baby in an environment where they are fighting and my son could be at risk. She also has said negative things about my son she resents him as he is basically the other child to her
2 - he is inconsistent with money and now refusing to pay due to going on holiday
3 he is trying to get less and less contact and with his new baby coming I can see this getting worse

He also told me he has just bought a house and is planning to have drugs ( cannabis ) in there illegaly to get more money. So I've told him I don't want my son near that house but that is where he will be living

I can't claim csa as he's told.me he will dodge it as he is self employed and I wontnget anything

I cannot cope anymore and I just feel like stopping everything as I'm really worried about the future and he has done enough damage as it is. And as my son grows I don't want him thinking he is the other child being left out and in toxic environments. I have never felt so stressed. And yes I deeply regret getting pregnant with this man. I love my baby so much but this is the worst thing I've ever been through. I just wish he wasn't involved at all

OP posts:
balsamic80 · 20/05/2024 16:14

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balsamic80 · 20/05/2024 16:15

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LD233 · 20/05/2024 16:18

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Sorry? I was sick with mental.health and struggling that he was going on holiday this was months ago yes. I have been through alot with this man I accepted the holiday however I don't think it's right he is now messing around with maintenance payments and all of this stuff happening.

OP posts:
LD233 · 20/05/2024 16:18

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He has advised if speak to CMS then i will get nothing as he will dodge it by being self employed and claim he isn't earning anything

OP posts:
balsamic80 · 20/05/2024 16:25

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balsamic80 · 20/05/2024 16:26

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spicysamosahotcupoftea · 20/05/2024 16:34

@LD233

He can advise all he bloody well wants.

Stop letting him walk all over you.

Formalise CM and take it from there.

Porpoising · 20/05/2024 16:38

Post as much as you like.

YANBU.

Sunnysummer24 · 20/05/2024 16:42

Last week you said your ex has the baby every other weekend and this made things much easier but above you say he wants him every other weekend. I’m a bit confused as to which it is.

Porpoising · 20/05/2024 16:46

I’m confused as to why people are stalking the OP!

LD233 · 20/05/2024 16:46

Sunnysummer24 · 20/05/2024 16:42

Last week you said your ex has the baby every other weekend and this made things much easier but above you say he wants him every other weekend. I’m a bit confused as to which it is.

Hi I haven't made a post about this situation since March. Things have changed since then
He would be habing our son Friday night he always collects him late at around 7pm until Sunday morning. Which I just don't think is good enough for a baby every other weekend just due to consistency. I've given up asking for more help. But its mainly the other points I've pointed out on here that I wanted advice with re maintenance and his situation living and partner the environment i don't want my son around

OP posts:
balsamic80 · 20/05/2024 16:50

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balsamic80 · 20/05/2024 16:51

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LD233 · 20/05/2024 16:51

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When did I say the holiday was months ago? He came back last week from a 2 week holiday. But that's not the point of this post..

OP posts:
Porpoising · 20/05/2024 16:52

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In fairness you also said you’d bow out and haven’t done so.

People can change their minds. Wonderful, isn’t it?

LD233 · 20/05/2024 16:52

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Im desperate for my son to have an active dad. I know I can't force someone to be a parent but this situation is the hardest situation I've ever been in and I'm trying to think what is best for my son as he says if I ever stop contact he will applynto court which also stresses me out the thought of it

OP posts:
balsamic80 · 20/05/2024 16:55

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Porpoising · 20/05/2024 16:56

Report it then, if you think the OP isn’t genuine.

Stalking previous threads and bringing the details over here is really not on.

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