To go back to work?

[Soupisnotdinner]

My DD is almost a year old and I’m trying to decide whether or not to go back to work FT, PT or be a SAHM for a while. My feelings about this have vacillated hugely over the last year.

Financial situation

• DH earns £150K a year + annual bonus. This bonus fluctuates (it was £40K last year, £12K the year before).
• I earn £75K a year. This may go up, but would require FT work, some overtime and quite a lot of hard work and graft.
• I have the option of going back 2-3 days a week, which would allow me to ‘keep my hand in’ and contribute to the family income. However, in my field, going PT is basically career death. I’d be accepting zero career progression for the foreseeable future.

Domestic situation

• I’m not sure I’m a ‘natural mother’. I love my DD so very much, but I find quite a lot of it relentless and exhausting.
• DH is super supportive and more than pulls his weight at home.
• We have a cleaner and a gardener, so I’m not exactly overwhelmed with stuff to do.

My quandary

• My baby is glorious and I love her. It feels a bit mad to go back to work when I’m in a position to spend time with her. I worry that I’ll regret it if I don’t stay home. I have quite a lot of guilt about the fact that I’m not enjoying maternity leave more.

We live in SE England and have a large mortgage/high outgoings, but are still financially fine, whatever I decide. DH had no strong feelings and just wants me to be happy. But I have no idea what would make me happy.

What have you done? What would you do in this situation? Any and all suggestions are welcome. I’ve tried to provide all the necessary info, so my apologies if this is long.

I would definitely go back whether full time or part time.

Work is an important dimension to life and means so much more than just paying the bills... you'll be using different skills and mind power plus of course the pension.

Staying at home isn't a measure of how much you love your child: we all love our children more than life itself. It doesn't stop us having other things in life as well as being a mum.

Think about your dh.... presumably he loves your dd every bit as much as you do? Yet there's presumably been no questioning, no guilt about the fact he hasn't stopped working when he became a parent!

I've worked FT and taken short maternity leaves for both my children so I'll put my hand up to bias.

I don't enjoy spending a lot of time with small children. I loathe play acting, tea parties, repetition of endless tasks, sing songs and any sort of baby group or play area. I admire those that do, it's a gift to be able to work with small children, to teach or be in the caring professions. I don't have that gift and lots of parents don't enjoy the baby years very much.

I love my children very much but they get the best of me when I am not bored witless and I structure my week to spend as much time as possible with them on weekends doing interesting things as a family.

So my advice is to do what feels best for you. You are in a fortunate financial position to be able to put the best most qualified care in place for your child.

It's also worth considering whether you want more than one child and whether your choice would be different or reinforced by doing it all again with a toddler in tow.

I knew a lady in a similar position to you. She has spent a numbers of years in university and built up her career. She decided to go back to work part time after she had her 1st child.
I knew that she was happier working PT rather than been at home all day with babies and small children. If a child has a happy mother it better for them.
She heard about a better job a few years later, applied for it and got it.
I think as well that staying in work gives you options for promotions or to change jobs down the line.

Another thing to consider is that with your and your husband's earnings would it be possible to retire early if you both worked full time? If you want to an independent financial advisor with all your financial details you and him could make a long term plan to work towards this.
I know several people who are now in their 50s and they have been working for a long time.
They have been dealing with staff, managers and an increasing work load. I know several people who at this stage would like to leave work if they had the mortgage paid off, had a pension plan they could access or came into some money like an inheritance.
I know a man who would be on a similar wage to your husband. He decided probably around you and your husband age that he was going to retire in his late 50s and made a plan towards this. He retired recently. He was then offered a role that required a day a week work due to his previous role and experience.