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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my Dad is being awful?

26 replies

87654657d · 20/05/2024 13:28

I'm trying to work from my parents' house today, as I often do as it means I can look after their dog and have a change of scenery. Today my retired Dad his around though, and has decided that now is the perfect time to start doing a DIY project that he needs help for. He's loudly banging around and being passive aggressive about how 'nobody helps him', how all of us are selfish, and saying to me 'if you hear a loud bang, it's probably me falling off the ladder and falling onto the ground dead as nobody is helping me'.

I'm working from home, as he knows. My sister is at work, my Mum is out. I don't know who he's expecting to be jumping up to help him?

He does this every time he does a bit of DIY or fixing his bike or car - does it at an inconvenient time and expect everyone to psychically hear his requests for help and jump to his assistance.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Fraaahnces · 20/05/2024 13:30

Tell him that you are working and have to earn a living. If he wants attention with his DIY then he should join the local old people’s club and see if he can get assistance there.

LadyKenya · 20/05/2024 13:30

Yes, stay home, and let him see to the dog, and the diy.

Flopsythebunny · 20/05/2024 13:30

Go back to your own house then? The dog has someone there to look after it.

needsomeadvice22 · 20/05/2024 13:30

Can't you just go home and let him deal with the dog if he's there?

Guardiansoulmates · 20/05/2024 13:31

I think it's strange that you're there.

User1979289 · 20/05/2024 13:31

Yeah, leave. Don't work from your parents home - easy solution!

BaconMassive · 20/05/2024 13:32

Sounds ruff.

BlondeFool · 20/05/2024 13:33

How bizarre. Your dad can look after his own dog as he's there and you should go and work from your quiet home.

Gymmum82 · 20/05/2024 13:34

Dad I’m going to go home as I need to concentrate on work. See you later.

and leave

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 20/05/2024 13:37

“Dad - you know that I am working now and I can’t help you with the DIY. Why can’t you wait and do it at a more sensible time, when there is someone available to help? If you can’t stop banging, I am going to have to go home and work there.”

Be firm, @87654657d.

Darker · 20/05/2024 13:40

Schedule some time when you are not working to talk about this and find out what’s going on. Is he struggling with the diy? Could they get someone in to help? Look out local groups that might help - e.g, men’s sheds.

CorylusAgain · 20/05/2024 13:41

Did you check with your df if it would be ok for you to work from his house today?

OurChristmasMiracle · 20/05/2024 13:42

DF as I see you are at home today so can look after DDog I’m gonna go home to get my work done

fieldsofbutterflies · 20/05/2024 13:42

Why are you there if he's there to look after the dog?

cheddercherry · 20/05/2024 13:51

It’s only passive aggression if there’s someone there to “pass” it onto, if you left him to it then he’s just a grumpy guy talking to the walls.

You're meant to be working, he’s home, the dog is fine, leave. Don’t work from their house when he’s around because besides there being no need, who wants to be whined at?

Even in a cafe you wouldn’t get roped into dodgey DIY. Work there for a change of scene (and peace).

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 20/05/2024 13:51

This was literally my other half about 2 hours ago. I was washing up and then getting ready for work and his adult son was on a work call.

Other half was huffing and puffing saying we were doing nothing and he'd just struggle with the DIY.

QuestionableMouse · 20/05/2024 13:53

My dad did this to me while working on my MA dissertation. Drove me mad.

Crumpetsssss · 20/05/2024 13:54

Are you sure he’s not doing it on purpose?

”AIBU to do loud DIY in the hope that my daughter - who’s randomly decided to work from my house instead of her own - will go home?”

dahliadraws · 20/05/2024 13:57

I think it’s reasonable to request assistance if you’re up a ladder. or does he mean the two of you should jointly take on whatever project he thinks needs doing?

id ignore his passive aggressiveness and say “im at work and unable to help right now, but if you can wait till my lunch which is at 12, i can spend 15 mins holding the ladder for you. If you need more time than that you’ll have to wait for mom”

and if he does it every time you work from their house - get out of his space??

Aquamarine1029 · 20/05/2024 14:06

Why are you working from your parents house? When he's home? That makes no sense.

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 20/05/2024 14:10

Fraaahnces · 20/05/2024 13:30

Tell him that you are working and have to earn a living. If he wants attention with his DIY then he should join the local old people’s club and see if he can get assistance there.

No need to get dramtic and get the OP and her dad to fall out

OP, just tell dad - simples - I'm sure he will be very careful once asked

Btw - does the dog not get in the way of work, EG, barking, scratching at the door etc when you are on the phone or in conference etc??

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 20/05/2024 14:11

Don't work from his house then

Aquamarine1029 · 20/05/2024 14:15

Do you really not understand how ridiculous your "problem" is? You're the intruder, here. Has it not occured to you that maybe your father is irritated that you're working in his home and expecting noise levels to meet your standards?

GO HOME. Problem solved.

Wafflefudge · 20/05/2024 14:17

Like everyone else not really sure why you are there.

WhatNoRaisins · 20/05/2024 14:22

Is your DDad trying to tell you that this arrangement doesn't work for him. Obviously it would be better if he just spoke to you like a normal person but some people don't do that.

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