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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset and worried about Dd16 friends

23 replies

WaffleDogg20 · 20/05/2024 09:33

Dd is 16 and is currently sitting her GCSEs.

she has a best friend who is 15 and is really good friends with her boyfriend who is also 15, both sitting their exams too.

around 4 months ago the boy was kicked out of his home. I don’t fully know the situation, but he has said his older brothers girlfriend has moved in and there isn’t enough space for all of them. He’s a lovely lad who gets good grades and well behaved.

He moved in with his girlfriend and they sleep in her room. They spend 24/7 together unless she asks for a break and he then goes and stays with her auntie for a few days.

I think the girlfriend is feeling abit trapped. She has made comments to dd saying she wishes he would leave and I think he wants to but his mum said he can’t come home. He wanted to go home at the weekend but she said he could for a few hours.

should I ring the school? As a mum I feel physically sick at thought of him feeling like he doesn’t belong anywhere. Surely social services should be involved?

the GF comes from a not very stable family too. I feel bad for both of them.

OP posts:
Original poster
WaffleDogg20 · 20/05/2024 09:34

I’m fully aware I’m going to be told it has nothing to do with me and to keep my nose out.

OP posts:
Hardlyworking · 20/05/2024 09:53

Definitely report. If nothing else it's a huge safeguarding concern that the girl's parents feel it appropriate to move this guy into their 15 year old daughters bedroom. Wtf are they thinking?!

Birdseyetrifle · 20/05/2024 09:55

Yes definitely inform the school and social services.

MrsDTucker · 20/05/2024 09:57

You're right to be concerned for them both.

familyissues12345 · 20/05/2024 10:23

Yes I'd definitely report this

IndigoBabble · 20/05/2024 10:30

I would definitely report this to both school and Children's Services. He is under 16 and needs help and support. Poor kid. Rubbish situation to be in and I would view your intervention as being supportive, not sticking your nose in.

Goldenbear · 20/05/2024 10:37

Goodness that is horrible - poor boy and yes that’s quite full on for a young girl.

RandomButtons · 20/05/2024 10:40

WaffleDogg20 · 20/05/2024 09:34

I’m fully aware I’m going to be told it has nothing to do with me and to keep my nose out.

Child safety is everyone’s concern.

Yes this needs reporting, the boy is homeless and this is utterly suffocating for that pooor girl.

MuggleMe · 20/05/2024 10:45

It's a private fostering arrangement as it's gone on so long and he's under 16. It needs to be formalised so everyone can get the support and oversight it needs (or changed if it's not suiting all involved).

Please contact school and social services.

Original poster
WaffleDogg20 · 20/05/2024 11:24

Ok thank you, I will ring the school.

OP posts:
Original poster
WaffleDogg20 · 20/05/2024 14:31

Glad I wasn’t ripped to shreds lol

OP posts:
NewJobNewMeNewLife · 20/05/2024 15:03

Most schools have private fostering policies nowadays- the arrangements are reportable to social services after 30 days of a child living with someone without parental responsibility.
ask to speak to the designated safeguarding lead in school when you contact them,
it sounds terrible for all concerned.

Mumofferal3 · 22/05/2024 08:30

WaffleDogg20 · 20/05/2024 09:33

Dd is 16 and is currently sitting her GCSEs.

she has a best friend who is 15 and is really good friends with her boyfriend who is also 15, both sitting their exams too.

around 4 months ago the boy was kicked out of his home. I don’t fully know the situation, but he has said his older brothers girlfriend has moved in and there isn’t enough space for all of them. He’s a lovely lad who gets good grades and well behaved.

He moved in with his girlfriend and they sleep in her room. They spend 24/7 together unless she asks for a break and he then goes and stays with her auntie for a few days.

I think the girlfriend is feeling abit trapped. She has made comments to dd saying she wishes he would leave and I think he wants to but his mum said he can’t come home. He wanted to go home at the weekend but she said he could for a few hours.

should I ring the school? As a mum I feel physically sick at thought of him feeling like he doesn’t belong anywhere. Surely social services should be involved?

the GF comes from a not very stable family too. I feel bad for both of them.

Report it, that boys mother needs her head checked.

What mother in their right mind kicks a minor out for a person who is not their child?! The old bro gf needs to get herself somewhere else and if the bro goes with her, problem solved.

What an awful expectation to put on 15 year olds?! Especially at GCSE time. Could alter their whole lives.

Also, not saying they are but the risk of them getting frisky is higher which could also have a knock on effect. It is all too much for children to handle.

Bestyearever2024 · 22/05/2024 08:34

WaffleDogg20 · 20/05/2024 14:31

Glad I wasn’t ripped to shreds lol

I thought you would be, too!

I think because he's so young it does need highlighting

It isn't your business per se, but an adult is needed to do some adulting in this situation imo

Thirstysue · 22/05/2024 08:39

Yes! Safeguarding is everyone's responsibility. We have a multi agency safeguarding hub in Stockport where you can report concerns also, so maybe speak to the school first.

CosyLemur · 22/05/2024 09:59

Definitely report, in the mean time do you have a spare room he could stay in temporarily for a bit of stability while he does his exams and while SS get something permanent so they both aren't as trapped at an already stressful time

Original poster
WaffleDogg20 · 22/05/2024 13:19

Unfortunately I don’t or I would have him here in a heartbeat. I have 3dc and we live in a 3 bedroom house :(

he told my dd that his girlfriend is abusive last night in private and that she regularly punches and pinches him. He asks her to stop but she tells him to grow up and not to be a wuss.

OP posts:
thismummydrinksgin · 22/05/2024 13:35

Yes this is a private fostering arrangement and support can be offered to everyone. Ring you local authority.

BlueMum16 · 22/05/2024 13:39

WaffleDogg20 · 22/05/2024 13:19

Unfortunately I don’t or I would have him here in a heartbeat. I have 3dc and we live in a 3 bedroom house :(

he told my dd that his girlfriend is abusive last night in private and that she regularly punches and pinches him. He asks her to stop but she tells him to grow up and not to be a wuss.

That is so sad. I hope school can find some support for him.

Saz91x · 22/05/2024 19:45

WaffleDogg20 · 20/05/2024 09:34

I’m fully aware I’m going to be told it has nothing to do with me and to keep my nose out.

It is everyone’s responsibility to report any child who may be in an unsafe situation so you reporting it is absolutely the right thing to do. The kid needs help. How upsetting

Violinmummy · 24/05/2024 20:16

Yes please do report this as it’s a huge safe guarding concern. The person whose house he is staying at should have a temporary care order on him if he is living there.

elliejjtiny · 24/05/2024 20:24

That's awful, the poor boy, and the girl too. Definitely report, although I would talk to the school rather than social services.

Duechristmas · 25/05/2024 07:20

WaffleDogg20 · 20/05/2024 09:34

I’m fully aware I’m going to be told it has nothing to do with me and to keep my nose out.

Quite the opposite, from a safeguarding point of view what if you're the only one who knows. Safeguarding is everybody's responsibility. It's not your position to know the reply but it's absolutely your position to report it.

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