Holiday with my parents - plans changed

[Babybirdmum]

Just some background, I am married with a two yr old and a 3mo baby. My parents go every year in spring and summer to Cornwall for a week. Usually I go in the spring with them and my sister goes in the summer because my sister has OCD, and other mental health problems so she finds it hard to share small spaces with other people. All of us are quite skint, my parents always book the same cottage because it is cheap. If they hadn’t invited us to go with them we wouldn’t be having a holiday this year as I am on Mat pay, so i am very grateful. However, it only has 2 small rooms (one the size of a small bathroom with 1 bed no wardrobe, the other has a small double and a single and wardrobe). My husband and the babies will sleep in the room with the double and single, my mum goes in the small room by herself because she is a very loud snorer and my dad sleeps on a bed that we bring downstairs (he and my mum have separate rooms at home as well). Also, my extended family want to come away with us so they’ve booked a separate cottage. Since my sister has found out they are going, she wants to come too, so my mum said she can sleep on the floor with her in the tiny room. All of this would be fine, except my sister is very hard to live with. Due to her OCD she spends hours in the bathroom, has showers at 2am, wakes up very late in the day, is generally moody most of the time and has screaming swearing arguments with my mum (imagine the worst argument you’ve ever witnessed, they’ve even gotten physical before). My mum does everything for her even though she is an adult like her washing and breakfast in bed. My sister has never washed up or anything ever in her life. Basically, I am dreading the holiday now she is coming as I already have two very small children who’s needs are very high. I can sort of see both sides as I don’t want my sister to be left out of the holiday as I feel sorry for her and I’m sure that’s how my mum feels too. I also realise it’s my mum and dad who are paying so it’s up to them. But at the same time, I wish she would have just let me have this week away since she gets to have one in the summer. What would you do? Would you go or not? Would you say anything? What should I do?

Please don't go. Life is too short to waste a week being miserable. I've been in a similar situation and I still regret it 14 years on - my kids still remember it and not in a good way.

There's no way I would expose my children to violent fights. Tell your mum this and that you can't come if your sister does. I wouldn't sugar coat it, just be honest.

5 adults and 2 children in a tiny 1 1/2 bed cottage with at least 2 people sleeping on the floor sounds like a recipe for disaster even before the snoring and OCD and the rest of it. Surely if your mums snoring is that bad your sister won't sleep a wink? Let alone the struggling for space issue/screaming arguments.

Apart from anything else, assuming you didn't invite yourself along on your sister's 'week' it's rude of her to add herself to yours. Have a word with your parents, say you understand your sister is struggling so if she wants to swap weeks so she goes at the same time as the extended family, and you go in the summer that's fine (if you're okay with that), but all of you at the same time isn't going to work.

Back out gracefully immediately. It's not even worth talking about or trying to find a solution. It will be an absolute nightmare if you go and you know it. Stay home.

I wouldn't go. First reason being travelling with a very tiny baby. Then another 2yo with so many adults in a tiny space is just madness. It will be a nightmare and you shouldn't subject your kids to your sisters erratic and out of control issues.

I’d tell your mum that while you love your sister and don’t want her to be excluded, you aren’t prepared to expose your children to an adult shouting and screaming. Let your mum know you’d book your own accommodation if you weren’t on maternity, but as that’s not an option you‘re going to miss the holiday.

The worst option is your family going on this holiday. It will be awful for everybody. If it suits you, ask if you can swap weeks with your sister - emphasise how difficult it would be for her to share her holiday with your family including two very young children. If she wants to go for both weeks, and your parents agree, then just have a quiet week at home. Your baby will be easier to look after at home, your toddler will be happy with both mum and dad around and you can spend your holiday fund on easy meals and simple days out.

Can you ask her if she's planning to swap weeks? Do you get summer instead? Ask her not to go? Tell her the children will make it too hard for her?

This

But I also suspect the cottage has a maximum occupancy and you aren't allowed to exceed it.

Swap weeks or cancel.

what are the plans for your sister when your parents can no longer take care of her?

How selfish of your sister to ask to come too during ' your ' week, is she giving up her week ? and you and your family can go then instead.

Next year, buy The Sun newspaper every day for 2 ? weeks and go on one of their £10 deals. - I don't feel they really are £10 anymore , likely £15 p.p. and you have to book/pay for 4 plus linen ? plus entertainment passes ( used for the swimming pools too ? )
but for £100-ish you will have your own caravan/chalet all to yourselves - no father having to sleep downstairs etc. just you and your lovely family.

So the plan is to sleep 7 in a cottage set up for 4? As a cottage owner myself, this is not on. It’s very likely that you will be invalidating the owners insurance policy due to over occupancy and fire risk legislation.

The maximum occupancy was my first thought too. If I was the owner I'd be furious at people bringing extra beds with them. It all sounds a bit mad.

You shouldn’t be exceeding the number of people allowed to stay in the cottage. Sounds like it sleeps 4. Taking an air bed is not on. It will have a max occupancy listed somewhere otherwise everyone would just book small cottages and take loads of air beds with them to have cheap holidays.

No I wouldn’t go, that’s way too many people in a small cottage anyway, let alone an adult with ADHD likely to wake everyone up showing at 2am. I’d imagine it will be very stressful for her too with so many people in a small cottage given she’s used to it just being her and your parents

No just no. Ask your mum if she is swapping weeks then? If not just say we aren’t coming then and tell her the reasons. Sounds like the holiday from hell.

A cottage for 2 doesn't fit 7. I'm surprised it's allowed. I think I wouldn't go, if she insists.