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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend cancelled on our plans because in invited others

19 replies

AngieR87 · 19/05/2024 20:10

So me, a friend and her friend (who I've only met a few times) had tickets for a festival for a few weeks away. The event was postponed till end of summer. We were going to do something else but no plans were made. It was for my birthday and the friends birthday.

I ended up winning a competition for a concert with a place in town which offered up to 10 people a ticket plus free drinks. They both said they would he up for it. I said invite anyone else you want as it's for up to 10 people. I invited a family member and her friend. I told my friend about it and she has now cancelled because her friend has anxiety about going somewhere with a bunch of people she doesn't know.

Am I being unreasonable to think this is a little silly. We were going to an event we could be sharing a table with people we don't know and the place would probably be packed. Or should I have asked?

OP posts:
Ritadidsomethingbad · 19/05/2024 20:11

What’s stopping your other friend going? 🥴

theGooHasGone · 19/05/2024 20:12

You're free to invite others, they're free to cancel. Yes, it's silly. Just invite someone else!

LoveSeptember · 19/05/2024 20:12

Generally, I'm not keen if people are added after an initial invite but you said you had tickets for 10 people, so I would have assumed you were asking others. In which case no YANBU

Ialwaysdomybest · 19/05/2024 20:39

Winning a competition is usually a really happy, positive thing. It's a shame if the gloss has been taken off the winning because your friends have decided to cancel.
I think you've behaved really generously. And yes it does seem strange that someone who was prepared to go to a festival where there would be hundreds of strangers is now too anxious to go because of the new arrangement .
I hope you find some one else who will be happy to make up the numbers and you enjoy yourselves.

KrisAkabusi · 19/05/2024 21:05

There have been hundreds of threads by people complaining about having plans with friends, the friends invite someone else, and they complain about that changing the vibe. This is always considered to be a reasonable opinion here.

Starlightstarbright3 · 19/05/2024 21:09

As you won a prize for up to 10 people no reason why you wouldn’t invite others

MsMajeika · 19/05/2024 21:12

Going to a festival is not the same as you are not expected to socialise and interact with people you don't know unless it's on your terms. There isn't that same pressure.

I would say, don't take it personally. It was very generous for you to invite them, and of course, you can invite who you want. It's disappointing that your friend won't go at least. Could she be using her friend as an excuse for some reason?

AntParade · 19/05/2024 21:15

I don't think friends friend is unreasonable to cancel - it wasn't the event or the group of people that she originally agreed to.

I do think friend is unreasonable for deciding she also won't come but blaming the other person's social anxiety for that.

drusth · 19/05/2024 21:17

YANBU, you have 10 tickets, of course you were going invite others!

Anxious person should just stay home.

tovarisch · 19/05/2024 21:22

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Riverlee · 19/05/2024 21:22

If you made it clear the prize was for ten people, then the anxious friend should have realised there would be others there.

Also, you were going to a concert. It will be filled with people, unless she’s just nervous about making small talk with your friends.

judgementfail · 19/05/2024 21:49

KrisAkabusi · 19/05/2024 21:05

There have been hundreds of threads by people complaining about having plans with friends, the friends invite someone else, and they complain about that changing the vibe. This is always considered to be a reasonable opinion here.

Yes when you arrange a get together with a close friend just the two of you and they bring another unknown along.

Not when it's clearly a group event and it's a freebie for the invitee!

Alicewinn · 19/05/2024 21:51

Yes your friend is being ridiculous, I'd be frustrated too

Original poster
AngieR87 · 19/05/2024 21:56

Ritadidsomethingbad · 19/05/2024 20:11

What’s stopping your other friend going? 🥴

Nothing. Of course that's what I'll be doing. Already got the troops rounded up xx

OP posts:
Original poster
AngieR87 · 19/05/2024 21:59

Ialwaysdomybest · 19/05/2024 20:39

Winning a competition is usually a really happy, positive thing. It's a shame if the gloss has been taken off the winning because your friends have decided to cancel.
I think you've behaved really generously. And yes it does seem strange that someone who was prepared to go to a festival where there would be hundreds of strangers is now too anxious to go because of the new arrangement .
I hope you find some one else who will be happy to make up the numbers and you enjoy yourselves.

It was suppose to be happy and I was happy to share the joy. I've already rounded up the troops and will be a great night.
I'm a single mum to 4 with a 3 month old....definitely looking forward to this x

OP posts:
Original poster
AngieR87 · 19/05/2024 22:01

MsMajeika · 19/05/2024 21:12

Going to a festival is not the same as you are not expected to socialise and interact with people you don't know unless it's on your terms. There isn't that same pressure.

I would say, don't take it personally. It was very generous for you to invite them, and of course, you can invite who you want. It's disappointing that your friend won't go at least. Could she be using her friend as an excuse for some reason?

She's a very flaky friend at the best of times and I personally think it is an excuse. The reason I invited others was because there was a high chance she would cancel on me. I've been through a rough time. Single mum to 4 which includes a 3 month old. I'm doing it solo and have a babysitter. Definitely not giving my night free up x

OP posts:
Original poster
AngieR87 · 19/05/2024 22:03

judgementfail · 19/05/2024 21:49

Yes when you arrange a get together with a close friend just the two of you and they bring another unknown along.

Not when it's clearly a group event and it's a freebie for the invitee!

Show quote history

100%. I would totally have understood if we were doing cocktails at my home with the 3 of us then I made it into a party.

OP posts:
Pippa12 · 19/05/2024 22:04

I recently didn’t attend an event because another couple had been invited who I didn’t know and I was anxious. I’ve not been feeling myself really and it all felt too much.

However, it is completely my problem and nothing to do with the couple we were going with inviting other people. Dont take it personally- maybe it’s just feeling all too much. Have the best night!

MsMajeika · 19/05/2024 22:12

AngieR87 · 19/05/2024 22:01

She's a very flaky friend at the best of times and I personally think it is an excuse. The reason I invited others was because there was a high chance she would cancel on me. I've been through a rough time. Single mum to 4 which includes a 3 month old. I'm doing it solo and have a babysitter. Definitely not giving my night free up x

Show quote history

Your friend being flaky makes a lot of sense. It sounds like she didn't fancy it and was using her friend as an excuse. Have an amazing time, it sounds like you really deserve it! 💐

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