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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell two men to shut the fuck up?

42 replies

SpeedbirdSquawker · 19/05/2024 11:02

I'm on a coach and two grown men at the back playing phones out quite loud. This is going to be a long journey. I'm sure they think it's an extension of their living room. They look rough.

OP posts:
EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 19/05/2024 15:35

MaryFuckingFerguson · 19/05/2024 14:57

I hate this so much. I have found that disarming people with a big smile and saying ‘I can hear that/can you use headphones/can you turn that down please?’ has worked every single time.

Fucking morons though.

But why should we (women in particular) be expected to go around smiling sweetly and softening the message all the time when there are inconsiderate pillocks like this around who don't give a hoot?

Allfur · 19/05/2024 16:05

Thst would drive me nuts, very little is worse than the sound of sport, I would say something

SerafinasGoose · 19/05/2024 16:22

You're stuck, in a confined space you can't get away from until you reach the terminus, with two inconsiderate blokes who are rough as badger's arses. In this instance do you think your intervention will get you the result you want?

I'd say the chances of this are next to zero, the chances of their turning nasty are significantly higher, and never board public transport again without noise-cancelling earphones.

Of course it's wrong in principle and no one should have to tolerate others' rudeness. But 'should' is a futile word, and if we confronted every rude arsehole we encountered on a daily basis the only thing we'd achieve is higher blood pressure. Also, women in particular have to risk-assess our safety in all situations.

Think about what you hope to gain as a result of any confrontation.

MaryFuckingFerguson · 19/05/2024 16:41

EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 19/05/2024 15:35

But why should we (women in particular) be expected to go around smiling sweetly and softening the message all the time when there are inconsiderate pillocks like this around who don't give a hoot?

Because it’s obvious the people are of low intelligence which often comes with aggression when criticised. These idiots are easily disarmed. Believe me, I’d love to say ‘switch that off you fucking cretins’, but it wouldn’t work.

Begsthequestion · 19/05/2024 16:49

EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 19/05/2024 15:35

But why should we (women in particular) be expected to go around smiling sweetly and softening the message all the time when there are inconsiderate pillocks like this around who don't give a hoot?

Well what do you want? Peace and quiet, or a fight?

It's common sense to ask nicely the first time.

EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 19/05/2024 16:54

I think there's ton of middle ground between steaming in with a volley of invective and smiling sweetly like a good girl, though...

(See also: women being told to smile)

blablasmthsmth · 19/05/2024 18:41

"Where exactly did I say that it was fine for anyone to be so loud that it causes an annoyance?"

And where did OP say that she expected people to be silent on the middle of the day? @Hairspray123

The fact that you felt the need to exaggerate what OP said to that ridiculous extent is probably the reason that PP felt the need to point out that we can expect people to be considerate of others.

Begsthequestion · 19/05/2024 18:46

EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 19/05/2024 16:54

I think there's ton of middle ground between steaming in with a volley of invective and smiling sweetly like a good girl, though...

(See also: women being told to smile)

Like I said, common sense.

Hairspray123 · 19/05/2024 18:50

blablasmthsmth · 19/05/2024 18:41

"Where exactly did I say that it was fine for anyone to be so loud that it causes an annoyance?"

And where did OP say that she expected people to be silent on the middle of the day? @Hairspray123

The fact that you felt the need to exaggerate what OP said to that ridiculous extent is probably the reason that PP felt the need to point out that we can expect people to be considerate of others.

I have absolutely no idea what you are on about.

EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 19/05/2024 19:59

Like I said, common sense.

Obviously common sense needs to be exercised - I just can't help feeling that a smile in this scenario would undermine the message (and I can't imagine a man smiling if put in this position)... personally I'd speak to them politely but I wouldn't smile. (Of course, that would probably make them think I was a bulldog-faced bitch, but hey ho...)

JohnofWessex · 19/05/2024 20:03

Personally I feel that excessive and avoidable noise is a form of agression

Trivium4all · 19/05/2024 22:49

I've encountered this several times lately, sometimes with teen girls, sometimes with teen boys. Depending on my reading of the situation, I've tried a polite, "Excuse me, could you please use headphones?" to a more sarcastic, "Have you heard of this fab new invention, it's called headphones?" (not verbatim, obviously). This has resulted in apologetic/embarrassed responses thus far: I think most kids are either not really thinking, or would like to feel quite big, and deflate quite fast when they realise that others don't see them that way. The other day, it was a group of boys, compounded with lounging around with feet all over seats and tables, and I was just winding myself up to say something, when a male passenger delivered the polite version of the headphones line, which also sufficed to get the music turned off. A conductor then came and noted that they were in the wrong seats for their ticket type, at which point the random feet were suddenly brought under control as well.

With kids, I tend to weigh the potential for aggro against the number of stops that I'll have to put up with the obnoxious noise. The only times I've really felt at a loss to say something has been when confronted with drunken oil workers or footie fans or hen parties on the train, at which point there's no reasoning, so it's best to speak to train personnel if the situation is becoming intolerable.

PrincessofWells · 19/05/2024 22:54

SerafinasGoose · 19/05/2024 16:22

You're stuck, in a confined space you can't get away from until you reach the terminus, with two inconsiderate blokes who are rough as badger's arses. In this instance do you think your intervention will get you the result you want?

I'd say the chances of this are next to zero, the chances of their turning nasty are significantly higher, and never board public transport again without noise-cancelling earphones.

Of course it's wrong in principle and no one should have to tolerate others' rudeness. But 'should' is a futile word, and if we confronted every rude arsehole we encountered on a daily basis the only thing we'd achieve is higher blood pressure. Also, women in particular have to risk-assess our safety in all situations.

Think about what you hope to gain as a result of any confrontation.

Talk about judgemental! Just ask. They can say no or they might just be fine . . .

MiniPumpkin · 19/05/2024 23:01

Thepeopleversuswork · 19/05/2024 11:43

From a self protection perspective I wouldn’t go in all guns blazing, particularly if you are stuck with them for a while.

But in my mind I would be garrotting them and boiling their testicles.

This.
I wouldn’t risk it, you don’t know what reaction you will get and you are stuck in a confined space with them.
i know posters will no doubt say why should you put up with this, but personally I’d feel safer keeping quiet

shuffleofftobuffalo · 19/05/2024 23:01

This is why noise cancelling headphones are the greatest gift the universe has ever given us.

SerafinasGoose · 20/05/2024 10:06

PrincessofWells · 19/05/2024 22:54

Talk about judgemental! Just ask. They can say no or they might just be fine . . .

Given I wasn't there, then I have nothing to judge. What I do know about is women having to risk assess.

What I wrote above, I took from the original post. HTH.

HebburnPokemon · 21/05/2024 13:07

JohnofWessex · 19/05/2024 20:03

Personally I feel that excessive and avoidable noise is a form of agression

I agree. It inflicts harm on others. At best it's antisocial.

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