To consider dating again with a degenerative condition

[Tryingtogetonwithit]

I am 48 with MS I am fairly stable at the moment with treatment but use walking aids, severe fatigue, bladder issues etc. I have a 10 year failed very manipulative marriage that blessed me with my wonderful newly adult aged children. I had another long-term relationship after divorce that lasted almost 10 years ended badly I thought we were planning our wedding he felt he needed to test the waters to see what was still out there for him. Have been single for nearly 5 years and am starting to feel lonely.

I don't know if I need a man or a hobby lol I absolutely hate the idea of dating as it feels like I'm interviewing for a future carer. I've pretty much isolated myself over the last few years and because of mistrust in men I don't feel like I can ever feel comfortable in a relationship again. What should I do ?

Go for it - just be up front about it.

My friend has two chronic c

Oops, posted before I'd finished.

My friend has two chronic conditions one of which limits her mobility. She didn't put it on her OLD profile but mentioned it on her first phone call/video call, prior to meeting anyone in person. She met a lovely chap who is now her husband.

It’s hard. I pondered on this a few years ago. I have severe arthritis, degenerative disc disease and cancer. I don’t think I could have actual sex if I wanted to due to pain and immobility. I was lonely though and would have liked a new partner after divorce.
In the end I decided against it after a brief dabble with OLD. The available men were utter shits (the ones I met anyway) and I realised I was just not able to put my trust in a man again anyway.
Then my disability got worse and worse too and now I honestly doubt I would find anybody happy to accept my limitations.
There is something to be said for accepting I won’t be in a partnership again though. At least all my choices are completely mine without compromise and I don’t have the worry of being let down again.
I have my friends and my lovely cat and that is how I am going to live the rest of my life.

I’ve been on OLD 3 times at various stages of life and I have a disability. The first and second times I did have relationships from them, but there are a lot of shallow men out there so I would advise to be upfront from the word go.

I put it my profile and that way it doesn’t waste yours or your potential date’s time trying to get to know each other only for them to be put off when you do tell them. Unless you get lucky and meet someone you click with early, you’ll be surprised how much it bothers some people. I wasn’t too upset about the rejection because ultimately I wouldn’t want someone who can’t accept me anyway.

The third time (within the last six months) was awful though, not because of the disability, but because the calibre of men is getting really bloody bad. Most of them seem like walking red flags. I met a lot of questionable people, ones who just wanted sex, dirty messages etc, love bombers, ‘’my ex is crazy’’ types, people who can’t hold a conversation to save their lives, clingy people, game players.

I gave up and deleted my account and I’ve well and truly given up 🤣. Try it though, OP, you might be luckier than me, but be ruthless, especially as some blokes might target you because they think if you’re disabled you’d be desperate for any attention 🙄 (yep, it happens).

I have MS, diagnosed whilst not in a good marriage and it definitely contributed to the end of it. Started dating again at the age of 41, didn’t think I was a great prospect with MS and two children who have autism and ADHD. While dating I had some not great experiences because of both of those things. Then I met my now husband. I told him on our third date I had MS. We’ve been together 7 years and married for two. I’ve seen a deterioration in my MS but he’s never been anything other phenomenally supportive and our relationship is great. There are definitely good guys out there 🙂

Thanks for your messages ♥️ looks like it's pretty much 50/50. Honestly don't think I have the energy to date anymore, maybe someday but not now.

This is a very real concern for me too. I'm 43, have MS and I'm divorcing at present. I use mobility aids all the time and have bladder issues.
I don't know if I'll try dating again and I can't yet visualise what my life will look like (once the divorce is complete) as a single person.

It’s so hard to put yourself ‘out there’ when you have a serious illness, and triply so, I imagine, if it’s degenerative.

I was in this situation for about 10 years, suffering severe lack of confidence about it all through most of that time, then met my current partner through OLD over 14 years ago. We have mostly been very happy together.

I had 2 assumptions which held me back in those 10 years. The first was that my lifestyle - very quiet, and governed by extreme fatigue- would be a no-no to any potential partner. In fact it’s almost never been a problem for my partner, as he is an introvert, doesn’t socialise a great deal, and needs a lot of time on his own. The second was that my illness made me very nonstandard and the chances of meeting someone who I fitted with were tiny.

And maybe that was right - but I did meet my partner and it turned out that other qualities I have were exactly what he’d been looking for. He’s been totally accepting of my illness, although is not keen to live together- maybe this is to give himself space from it, or to avoid becoming my carer. Nevertheless, he is 100% committed and wants to get married.

We could have met years earlier if my perception that it was never going to happen for me hadn’t held me back.