Awful narc neighbour behaviour

[Hogglehedge]

Not sure if in the right forum but we have been having horrendous issues with a horrible neighbour since last year. She is extremely jealous and paranoid and has done numerous things to cause upset and targeting me specifically.

Most recently she has put garden netting down her side of our hedging (which she has complained about and got no where as its fine) the netting goes all along her side of our hedge to the floor. There's nothing we can do.

She knows I Foster hedgehogs, and netting is one of the worst things you can have in your garden for wildlife. It makes me feel sick things getting trapped In it. It's all imtentional and purposefully done. She also has a camera and watches our every move. It's extremely upsetting as I'm neurodivergent and she knows this as we used to get on and she suddenly turned and had an issue over us getting on with other neighbours. Shes very controlling and narcissistic. Any advice and help in dealing with her would be very appreciated and to stop it getting me down. We are ignoring any provocation but it's just so upsetting. It's really affecting my mental health. If any mumsnetters have good tactics on dealing with this kind of behaviour from neighbours (bullying, intimidation etc, provocation ) please share. Thanks

You can't do anything about her doing stuff on her side, but you could put up bricks/edging slab along the base so nothing can get tangled?
Her having a camera doesn't change what you do in the garden , just ignore it, everywhere has cameras these days anyhow

Thanks for the tip xx

I second barricading your side of the hedge, no, it's not fair that you should have to, but it will give you peace of mind regarding the hedgehogs.
All you can do is completely disengage with this person; honestly, don't even look sideways and definitely don't engage in any social media etc.
Hopefully she'll turn her focus somewhere else.
I feel for you, we had 2 years of a neighbour like her, and it really ground us down.

It doesn't seem like crazy neighbour behaviour to have cameras or secure their garden - there must be more to it, OP?

Oh yes there's far more to it. Much more she has done to us over the last 7 months. She isn't securing her garden. She's doing It to be nasty. The hedge is secure enough. It's 6ft high and thick. Putting netting there is just being nasty. She knows we have hogs.

We used to get on fine until erratic behaviour started and her ringing me harrassing me over strange things. An example Is, after us beginning to notice strange behaviour was her ringing me saying she thinks my husband "dosent like her anymore", then being all over him outside aaking him to help her with something, and winking at me. Ringing me up saying she had seen us doing this and that, only things she must have a camera to see getting notifications, . She only had my number due to me giving it her years ago when they offered to keep an eye on the house when we went away, which was lovely of them at the time. But she's used it to harrass and control me.

Having a go at me over our hedge over me giving a plant i needed to rehome to someone else and not her (I had offered it to her twice ) she was going on and on at me it was just not normal like extreme jelousy and paranloia. So yes there is much more to it thats just a snippet. If we had done something to them ,which warranted her behaviour changing, then I'd say it but all we have been to her and her bf is nice neighbours and helped them out with many things and she's just turned. We get on with all our neighbours. There is obviously something going on with her shes been masking without sounding judgemental but a lot of it is narcissistic. Leading up to it was odd behaviour and comments, but then a day later she used to be all overly nice and buying me things for our garden.(love bombing )

then out of the blue she fell out with us over us helping another neighbour and chatting to them. Very jealous behaviour. We can get on with other neighbours and who we want round here. She watches our every move. Who we talk to and what we do. Her camera also faces into our front garden. Not just hers. Most recently she has been doing very spiteful things to cause upset. Ringing our landlord complaining over things that have never bothered her in the slightest before like the hedge and our outhouse. Our landlord is being very supportive. And it's all been reported too.

Strange notes have also been posted through our door, after she realised I had blocked her too. Which we have got as evidence.

Thank you so much. Its absolutely awful and very upsetting. I've mentioned briefly above in a reply to someone else a few other things she's been doing. It all points to narcissistic. It's extremely difficult esp when you think she was a nice person

I would aim to avoid all contact. Like others say, she can only control what happens in her own property/land.

Could you block her number? If she brings it up say something like, "yeah I've been having trouble with that phone so I'm using a different one at the moment".

(I love that you have the hogs.)

Why don’t you move if you are only renting ??

Sorry, just read that you had already blocked her. I would get a ring doorbell and simply not answer the door if it's her. Keep notes as evidence but hopefully she will turn her attention elsewhere if she has no reaction from you.

No, absolutely not. We absolutely love it here, and have had no problems for 7 years until this started and my son has SEN and would cause huge distress to him. I am not letting her behaviour force us to move. I'm trying to be strong but its very triggering.

We are grey rocking her like has been mentioned, we don't rise to any provocation we ignore it but its hard. It's more how she is treating us after coming across as being all nice which is the most upsetting. And now shes continually doing things to try and break/upset me/us. She knows I am very anxious too after befriending me and I have told her personal information which she is now using to try to upset etc.

Thank you. Yes to both, our landlord suggested a ring or blink doorbell not sure which is best but that's the next step for us.

Regarding the hoggles thank you, I've fostered and reared babies from local rescue and also helped friends and other neighbours, and release in our garden /we have lots round here. She knows this too. X

No advice (I dream of living with no neighbours within a ten mile radius) but wanted to say thank you for fostering hedgehogs! I met a real live one last going about its activities. I have honestly never seen one in the wild before and it was so lovely. 😊

These kinds of things are so upsetting!
to get a ring doorbell is good advice.

I had a horrible, horrible neighbor - he tormented me and my family, and it only got better with a lot of time.

what we did was what people are suggesting: do everything you can to block out your own side, and make a separation of sorts so you don’t have to think about her or what she does.
it feels awful for a while, living next to someone so hateful, but the longer you can ignore them, the more it will just die down over time.

i am neurodivergent as well- for a long time, my neighbor had a trampoline as close to our house as he could get it, and he’d encourage his kids to jump and scream loudly. That’s just one of the many many things he did.

so I started putting headphones on and playing nature sounds. Eventually I put some speakers in the windows facing his house (the windows weren’t open! I wasn’t blasting him with sound 🤣🤣) and just played the nature sounds as kind of a buffer, so I wouldn’t have to think about the awful, toxic, ongoing taunting he was doing.

he eventually stopped. I guess it takes energy to keep bullying someone, when they don’t seem to notice or care!

I like what prior posters said- bricks or something will keep your hedgehogs safe.

Hope it doesn’t take too long for her to wear herself out with her nastiness.

hang in there!

It's really horrible to have to deal with it but just try to remember this stems from her being mentally unwell. Keep a shoe box in the hall. When a note arrives, write the date and time on the back and file it.

Keep a log of any interactions from her which are inappropriate. Hopefully it will ease off but if it doesn't you can always escalate to the police with plenty of evidence to show them.

Aww thank you so much. They are beautiful little souls and need every help they can get. Esp with dangers in gardens which is why the netting has upset me (along with everything else :( )

I had never seen any until we moved here, we get so much wildlife. I then got involved with the rescue. It is so rewarding but not easy esp hand rearing the babies. My son likes delivering leaflets from the British hedgehog preservation society to our community too :)

Thank you so much. Sorry you've has this too.
I'm just hoping eventually she does stop after not getting any kind of reaction from us, and she just leaves us alone. X

@OnehundredStars this is such an awful view. It still costs a lot of money and effort to move even if you're 'just' renting.

The netting has cost her, so presumably she doesn't want your 'hogs' coming into her garden.

Does she have a dog as one of my dogs will kill hedgehogs given the chance.

You describe her alleged bad behaviour but you sound quite venomous towards her.

@Hogglehedge I think that she probably has at the least a personality disorder. Going forward view her as mentally ill rather then being narcissistic (which can also be a PD).

What do you mean by this? You know home owners are also capable of selling up and moving?

Not in the slightest. You have no idea what it's like living next door to someone targeting you then and how its so distressing. Nope, she has no dogs. Of course I'm going to feel angry towards her after what we are putting up with!

Yes thank you. There is obviously something underlying that's flared and I hope she does get the support she needs. X

If i could bear it id stop fostering the hedgehogs but if there is a simple solution go for that.

agree with others to totally disengage.

We had upstairs neighbours like this who were spoiling for a fight. You really have to totally disengage.
They did all kinds of weird things in the communal areas.
Tried to blame us for them getting robbed... i explained we werent in the country so unlikely to be us leaving the communal door open.

If they want to talk you are in a rush so cant talk.
Operate around whatever they are doing.

I sold my flat in secret because i knew they would be weird about it. It was an amazing feeling on move day they came out to inspect /get involved and i just said byyyyeeee then left the building whats app group!