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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be fed up (financial mess)

36 replies

whattodo89 · 18/05/2024 22:02

I'm tired of being in a financial hole and just do not see a way out. My partner earns 25k and so do I so a combined income of 50k. Both FT. He has worked hard and retrained alongside his current position but has been unable to get into a first position in his new field. We both work our socks off, earn just above the cut off for any support. In a tonne of debt, so a good chunk of the salaries we make go to paying that. Have an IVA to consolidate our debt but have had to take more loans when the car breaks or other unexpected financial burdens occur. I can't do anything nice for our children and get so stressed at birthdays and Christmases, scrambling around on Vinted trying to find bits. We shop around for best deals for food etc and keep our food bills low at about £80 p/w for 5 of us. My partner has large diesel costs for his commute to work. We don't pay for childcare. We don't have unnecessary outgoings. We don't go on days out or have any hobbies except scouts for our children, and even that is a push. I'm so tired of living like this. I can't afford a party for our child this year and feel so sad that we work hard and are in this situation. I don't know how to improve our situation.

OP posts:
FlabMonsterIsDietingAgain · 19/05/2024 00:07

Sorry me again, he should also approach his current employer and ask for opportunities to put his training into practice as a development opportunity.

If he's working in IT, could he shadow someone in the cybersecurity team, assist on any projects, volunteer to update security architecture diagrams, write up network security configurations, create incident playbooks for ransomware, phishing, advanced persistent threats....

He may not get any extra pay but he can then add these to his CV under his current role and use them as examples of experience. He may also find that it puts him in a good position in his current company if any roles become available.

ignoringthechoc · 19/05/2024 00:12

Absolutely nothing to do with me as I know nothing about IT, but just wanted to say how impressed I am with the detailed help offered by @FlabMonsterIsDietingAgain what a lovely person you are x

whattodo89 · 19/05/2024 00:14

Thank you, he's on a six month orobationadhuoeriod currently so they've not been accommodating at all yet. He's almost due to finish this though, so hopefully then they'll be more flexible. His old job paid for his training and promised that he would set up Cybersecuiry practices and have a big pay increase, but once he completed the training, they backtracked, said they couldn't afford it and refused. So he left that job for a short term contract, which then ended. He was then jobless until this current, badly paid job came up!

OP posts:
AlcoholSwab · 19/05/2024 00:23

The reality is a lot people are trapped in low paid work with little wriggle room other than to take on more debt or throw the towel in and live on benefits.

Your usual middle class type on here can't comprehend this - in her world you just get a better job just like that - but this is the British class system in operation.

FlabMonsterIsDietingAgain · 19/05/2024 00:31

whattodo89 · 19/05/2024 00:14

Thank you, he's on a six month orobationadhuoeriod currently so they've not been accommodating at all yet. He's almost due to finish this though, so hopefully then they'll be more flexible. His old job paid for his training and promised that he would set up Cybersecuiry practices and have a big pay increase, but once he completed the training, they backtracked, said they couldn't afford it and refused. So he left that job for a short term contract, which then ended. He was then jobless until this current, badly paid job came up!

Ok, he may need to learn a bit of a lesson from this. His first company invested a lot of time and money in him with the CompTIA, it's not cheap and it requires a lot of study. They wouldn't have done that on a whim or if they weren't serious about developing him.

One really important thing to remember about CyberSecurity as a field is that we are a cost to the business, we generate no revenue and our work can be very expensive, the systems and tools that we use, as well as the cost of the specialist people. We have a really important function in preventing and responding to breaches that COULD potentially cause huge financial loss and reputational damage. The key word there being COULD. We are completely reliant on the company we work for having a well enough developed understanding and consideration of the risks that a breach brings, and having the foresight and finances to be willing to spend to prevent it even though it may never happen.

It is highly likely that the first company had in fact had the budget pulled or frozen, if revenue is low then the teams that are pure cost are the ones that get frozen first. It's rarely a permanent position so patience and having open conversations to really understand the drivers being the back track, when the new financial year and planning for it will start etc are so important.

He can't change what has happened just look forward and keep it in mind for future decisions.

If he has the time and will then he should start doing free courses, listening to podcasts, reading draft and newly published legislations about AI. It's the new big scary and big exciting thing in Cyber, UK Govt have recently published new guidelines. Several states in the US too and loads of the big software providers have been launching new security tools with extensive AI capabilities. All the hackers/scammers/bad actors are using it too, so it is what everyone is talking about and trying to formulate policies, plans and processes to use it well and combat threats from it all at the same time.

SleepPrettyDarling · 19/05/2024 00:42

Can he provide advisory/systems support to local SMEs on a freelance basis, as a side gig? Do you have any start-up hubs or enterprise centres near you, that he could build a network in?

RedHelenB · 19/05/2024 06:59

whattodo89 · 18/05/2024 22:11

I can't even remember, it was years ago - we are nearing the end in about a year.

Hang on in there , next year will ve a lot better money wise

IbisDancer · 20/05/2024 11:36

whattodo89 · 18/05/2024 23:22

IbisDancer - I'm always looking for jobs in the civil service but have been doing the same thing for 15 years now with no experience outside my sector. I sit down at 10pm most nights by the time I've got home, done dinner, put the kids to bed, sorted their things for the next day etc. I don't know how I'd manage to take on studying for something different when I already feel like I'm drowning, or even what I'd do☹️I did look into a career change coach but they charge hundreds!

I understand. For awhile I was doing a qualification from 6am-10am on Saturdays and Sundays under agreement my DH would get up with the DC. That meant I could put a solid 8hrs into it.

i then used same time slots to apply for new jobs.

You could consider similar? Even if you skip studying a new qualification and just use the time to apply for more senior jobs in the same sector, it is better than putting all the pressure on one of you to bring in more income.

As I say, if you are both looking for better paid work, it doubles your chances.

IbisDancer · 20/05/2024 11:39

AlcoholSwab · 19/05/2024 00:23

The reality is a lot people are trapped in low paid work with little wriggle room other than to take on more debt or throw the towel in and live on benefits.

Your usual middle class type on here can't comprehend this - in her world you just get a better job just like that - but this is the British class system in operation.

Edited

This is true. Can’t give up though. Some do get lucky enough to break through, but only those who haven’t stopped trying.

Spikyplant · 20/05/2024 11:41

@whattodo89 in regards to your husband he just needs to keep applying. My husband got into that industry after a career change with no experience so it is possible. I'm happy to private message you about where he works now if you want to know more.

whattodo89 · 20/05/2024 21:52

Spiky plant yes please!

FlabMonsterIsDietingAgain thank you for your help, I've passed this on to him. It's given us some direction for sure

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