Feel like I’m letting my DS down (only child)

[Glasscutdiamonds]

Our DS is an only child by choice - we didn’t feel able to have another due to mental health issues, financial, lack of family support nearby.

He’s 5 years old, he wants constant one to one attention, which is fine, but he constantly seems a bit lost and lonely. Asking when he can see his friends.
The Road we live on has a little park opposite our house, but not many kids live in our area, or they’re either mostly older ones or very young (toddlers and babies). So there isn’t anyone for him to play out with.

Of course he’s at school all week and plays with friends there. But weekends and school holidays are mostly spent with adults.
He does swimming lessons every Saturday, we do sometimes go and see my friend , maybe once a week and her son, who is a year younger than mine , they do get on well and play together. But other than that we don’t see any other children.
His cousins live further away (between an hour to 3 hours drive away for all of them).
I have put his name down for beavers, but he can’t start until 6, he’s on the waiting list as it’s popular.

I’m now full of guilt about this, he’s always looking for children to play with when we go to playgrounds, days out etc I feel so bad 😢

Please give yourself a break.

He might have had a sibling he hated, plenty do. You're comparing a normal reality to a perfect fantasy alternative.

Get him into things like cubs or a sports club when older and remember all the fantastic things he has - most importantly a loving home with parents who prioritised their mental health in order to have a lovely home life for him.

Exactly what @qwertyqwertyqwertyqwerty said. There have definitely been times when my two each wished they were only children. There are many upsides to being an only child. Just give him lots of opportunities to make friends at school and clubs. He’s at an age when he can start having friends over from school. You can start arranging play dates for him.

He'll be fine. I'm an only child and so is my DS, it's a complete non issue. Just try and facilitate as many play dates as possible. Can you invite his school friends over some weekends?

My DS is an older teen and my house has pretty much always been an open house, friends always welcome.

We are very similar to you OP. DD now 13 and perfectly fine. She would not appreciate a sibling now. She has her friends and she's very happy and secure in herself. If I could have afforded a second child, I would have had one, but it just wasn't possible. And I prefer to think of it as having a bit more money available for DD.

He will be fine I'm sure. We have an only and although they had a rough time with friendships etc (as a lot do) they are now a happy young adult who has really found their tribe - and only actually in the last couple of years.

They have cousins, who they get on well with - none of whom are only's, and they often comment on what a lucky dip it is to have a sibling, as some of the cousins get on and some don't!

There are many times I wished I was an only child......

I think if doesn’t help that both me and his dad are quite anxious and don’t have a huge amount of friends.

Gently, you're getting ahead of yourself there. Give your child plenty of opportunities to mix with other kids and they'll be fine. And if you both can dial down the anxiety to some extent (hard, I know) that would be good too.

Op join out of school clubs so that they make wider friend group. May be a sport or Scouts.

Preferably if you can find something very local to you there will be a chance that he will make friends so you can easily arrange play dates.

Invite a school friend over for a play date. Sign him up to gymnastics/ football/ ballet etc etc

I think it is very easy to find any reason to feel guilty about as a mum. Can you arrange playdates? Take him to beavers or something like that?

I’ve got his name down for beavers, I said in the original post, but he can’t start until he’s 6. He’s on the waiting list at the mo.

We’ve had one friend over for a play date from school and I’ve asked a couple of others but with working and family members picking up/going into after school club plus the fact that they’re quite young still (some are not 5 yet) I think some parents aren’t sure.

We used to do playdates at the weekend because everyone was at work. Would that be worth trying?

I have an only (6) and it I find it hard. Loads of clubs and structured activities, sure. But it’s the special magic of unstructured play, long flights of fancy etc.

partly exacerbated by the fact that my tiny house needs refurbed so we don’t invite friends round as much as we should.

I don’t see it getting any easier over the years, either.

I'm sure you're good enough. You don't have to be perfect, you just have to be good enough.

Also don't judge yourself against an imagined life other people are having - loads of families with busier social lives have other problems.

Just keep doing the nice things you enjoy as a family and make sure he joins some clubs when he is old enough.

It gets far easier. I have a 16 year old and he organises his own social life, I don't need to do it any more. He doesn't want mum to play with him nowadays!

That’s 10 years away though! I’m thinking it will be hard for the next 6 or 7.

Thanks for the encouraging words though @Beezknees !