"Lower-classes"

[daisy2245]

NC as this might be outing.

A school mum asked me to do a favour, I didn't mind at all as I've known this person for years, more acquaintances than friends.

We used to live near each other and did favours such as sharing some drop offs/pick ups + our children were friends in primary.

I moved away a few years ago as I got divorced and had to move to a cheaper area, but still catchment for the same schools.

While we were discussing the favour, school mum asked me if I was happy with our child's school. I said yes DC is very happy there and doing well, we've had no issue.

She then told me they are thinking of moving their child out of said school, due to the "lower classes" from X & Y area "bringing the results down".

One of the areas she named is the area myself and my children live in... she knows full well where I live and has been to my house before.

AIBU to think this was very rude and I will be doing this person no more favours?

Certainly thoughtless at best and rude at worst.

Are you offended by her thinking of you as lower class? She sounds like a dick

Specifically rude to you, but if she thinks like that she's not a nice person anyway, obviously.

I like to stay away from people like her. Rude and judgemental.

Very snobbish to talk about 'lower classes ' I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who thinks like that

I wouldn't associate with her any more. I would have probably said at the time 'Do you mean people like me?' because I am not good at biting my tongue.

And what happened when you replied, “you know I live in LowerClassVille, right?”

Not that as such, just the labelling of people in the way and saying it so openly shocked me.

FWIW this is a pretty standard area... it's not affluent but not deprived, average UK house prices etc.

I wish I'd said something but I was so taken aback!

Don’t tell us you just stood there and said nothing?

At least you said something like, “Bloody cheek, that’s where I live “ right??

Oh for goodness sake. This is nearly every thread on Mumsnet lately.

When did women lose the ability to speak?

I wonder if it’s the result of so much texting and messaging etc.

I’d keep a wide berth of her.

it wasn’t until I was an adult that I realised that some of my school chums’ mums had discriminated against me because we lived in a ‘bad area’ and Dad was a coal miner. (Dad owned our flat; most of the other families rented.)

We were perfectly respectable. I think it grieved some of them that I was doing so much better at school than their offspring.

You don’t need a CF like that in your life, OP.

Women didn’t lose the ability to speak but it’s very common for people of both sexes to think of the perfect response AFTER the moment has passed.

I find it really weird that the response is to lay into the OP for not having a perfect scripted response to a rude remark she wasn’t expecting.

I would have laughed and said no it's fuck wits like you doing that

It's complete bs and such an ignorant way to think anyway. I think you could easily find more broad minded friends

Well she's clearly not that bright.
Even if some students are "bringing the results down" (lets go with her reason that its class based) that has zero to do with her child's results, the teaching or anything else.
A schools results are an average....if that average was being brought down by a group of "lower class" students then everyone else would be doing just as well as they would anywhere.

Now....if she was concerned about the behaviour of a certain group that would make more sense. Things like drugs and bullying happen in every school regardless of class, but we all know that certain areas have families where criminality is multigenerational and some parents genuinely don't care about school or behaviour. Not everyone in a certain area will be like that, but people like that tend to live in those areas.

Or if she was concerned about the school policies, practices and teachers obviously but that has nothing to do with catchments and class.

I think she miss spoke and wasn't saying everyone in your area is lower class, or that anyone working class is bringing the school down. I think she was saying there is a subset of families that she doesn't want her kids mixing with, and they live in a certain area.

I would also point out that lots of people have very different ideas about the names of areas.
People who have lived here years have no idea really where one area ends and another begins.
It's also common for people to adopt the name of a neighbouring more affluent neighbourhood. We laugh at houses advertised as being in X, which is more desirable when really they are very much in Y which is not at all desirable.

No-one mentioned perfect except you?!

Any kind of response would be better than nothing and perhaps the OP wouldn’t still be annoyed if she’d responded.

She has shown her true colours keep a wide berth in future. I originally come from a very undesirable area so I've come across so much of this BS. I'd put money on the fact her DC aren't doing well and she is automatically blaming the school rather than her DCs ability

Wow. Have you done this “friend” her favour yet? if not, I don’t think I would be.

Dear “Friend”,

I have been reflecting on our conversation the other day and think it may be best for you to find alternative arrangements.

I am saddened that despite you knowing how difficult our family situation has been over the years, you would make a point of speaking about the area of our new home in such a poor light.

It is unfortunate that you feel we are no longer “good enough” for X school. I wish you luck in finding other like minded, judgemental friends in the future.

I wish life was so black and white. Here there are bad ones and here are good ones. Not really. In the affluent areas live also rich mafia mobs, snobs, abusers and parents who don't care for the education of their kids. So honestly how narrow-minded is that?

This is what i would have said.

@daisy2245 what do the results say from the school and is their a link as to who or why the results are lower ?

Above national average GCSE results and school has a "Good" ofsted rating.

Tell her the bright kids will shine no matter where they are educated.

Awful. Snobbish, tacky and utterly tone deaf.

Hard to know whether it’s a deliberate dig or if she just has no self awareness. Either she is nasty or lacks any social skills. I wouldn’t respond or give any indication that this comment even registered with you but quietly file her under “arsehole”.