AIBU to be upset by these parents

[Buttons0522]

DS is 3 and today we were at a 4th birthday party for a nursery friend. This is only the second nursery friend’s party he has been to and it’s that awkward stage where we as parents don’t know the children or their parents due to it being a large nursery and children and parents coming and going at different times/different days, so invitations are sent home via nursery in their bags and you hope the child has given you the right names for their friends who they want to invite!

So today I’m sat at this party watching the kids play and overhear 2 parents next to me mention DS’s name. I didn’t get the full conversation but the gist was that DS was the one child they didn’t like/get on with “He’s never said anything before until the invite came home but he has said he doesn’t want to go” - we sent out our party invitations this week.

Nursery have NEVER said anything to me about any issues. They always say he is fantastic and a pleasure to have there. When I worked out whose parent it was, DS has mentioned him on a number of occasions saying he was pushed by said child/ he made me cry etc.

This has really got to me! I get that kids don’t get on with everyone, I don’t think that my children are perfect (he’s not my PFB!) maybe he is a toerag at nursery and they’ve just not told me, BUT AIBU to think that it’s bad form to be talking about a child when there’s a good chance their parent might be sat next to you?!

I was like a hawk watching DS from then on and how he was interacting with the children and those 2 in particular and he was perfectly fine, played nicely, was kind etc.

Fully aware this has rattled me more than it should have!

I would be really upset too!

Oh that's just horrible. How insensitive of the mother! I'd be far too paranoid to have that conversation in a party where the parent could hear!
It sounds like maybe her son is a bit of a handful and maybe she doesn't know that.
I'm impressed you kept your cool... I think I would have had to shout out DS' name in front of her so that she'd known that she'd fucked up. Which would have been pointless!

But your child still invited him to his party, despite the fact that he pushes him and has made him cry? Why? He doesn’t like the other child, the other child isnt nice to him, either. It seems straightforward. So why the invitation?

I’d be upset too, and indeed was, in a similar situation, but it probably means nothing. I remember my son had just moved from a nursery to local playgroup/ preschool aged just under 3, and was sat getting his shoes changed for the session when the boy next to him announced to his mum, ‘I don’t like that boy’. I was sooo upset and worried about it, but nothing came of it. He made friends (perhaps not in particular with that boy, but he was older) and is a perfect.y popular 15 year old.

In your case perhaps the boy is blaming your son for him being told off, but at that age, it probably means nothing and would be forgotten/ opinion changed by the next week.

Bad form of her to mention something like that or encourage her child to say/think those things.

My DS comes home from nursery every day with a different best friend and a different kid who was naughty/pushed him etc and next day that “naughty” kid is the best friend and someone else the one he didn’t get along with. I never pre-judge the kids based on what he tells me from day to the next and encourage him to be friends with everyone. If he says someone pushed him, I tell him that it was probably an accident etc not to exclude him/not go to his party!

If I had made this faux pas I can guarantee the mum would have said “Hi I’m their mum and this is my house, what was that you were saying?!” and I would have died in the spot.

So you could have done that 😅

Because they’re 3 and I understand that friendships are fickle and I didn’t want to leave anybody out… was trying to be nice and inclusive. So much so that I said to the nursery staff that I’ve invited the names he’s given me but if they notice anybody who has been left out or missed who might be upset to please let me know.

Thanks for that, I was fully expecting to be told I’m being too sensitive so pleased it’s not just me. It caught me off guard today… another day I might have been more bolshy with it! I am mulling over a ‘I did overhear you saying X didn’t want to come anyway’ when I get the text declining the invitation to the party

@Buttons0522 that's very sweet that you want to be very inclusive

With this situation I'd look at how you behave if your child has an issue with another, and the other parent. And ask yourself who you would rather be and who you would rather be a model for your son

Then be happy with your choices. Sometimes peoples comments and choices, and their unkindness, reminds us that we are kind and good and will hopefully teach that to our own

It is hard at the early age but if a child regularly made mine cry I would not invite them to a party.

Haha, I was caught off guard by it actually, had they caught me on a different day I might have said something.

That's horrible OP. I haven't got any words of wisdom but just wanted to say this would really upset me too.

I was genuinely expecting to be told I was being too sensitive so thank you for your comments mumsnetters! DH always jumps to conclusions and would assume DS is in the wrong so I’ve not told him which means I’ve been stewing inwardly all day and it’s been helpful to vent on here!

Not sensitive at all we all have feelings.

Well if he's that bad why on earth did they go to your child's party. They just sound like two little bitchy mums to me.

AIBU to think that it’s bad form to be talking about a child when there’s a good chance their parent might be sat next to you?!

I have met so very many mothers who are so immature that they slag off other children absolutely shamelessly. They basically badmouth them to this child's peer group's parents. I've also met many women volunteering in places like Girl Guides and similar bitching about the kids in their charge.

It's pretty ugly behaviour but helps me decide who I can trust and who not. Because if you bitch to me about child x you will inevitable bitch about my child and me to others. It's not very classy,

@HAF1119 that's a really lovely message, and so true.

OP hold your head high. I too would have been upset by overhearing this, I don't believe anyone wouldn't have been. Just be thankful you don't have to stand around having faux friendly chat with this woman at drop off every morning.

I would like to think I would have called over "oh don't worry, he doesn't have to come. I'll put him down as a 'no thank you'" but I probably would just have sat there politely in the face of their rudeness.