I'd appreciate honest feedback as I'm on the fence about how I should approach this issue.
Just been out for a dog walk with my parents ( they don't live too far away from me) and our recent conversation has left me upset. Let me explain;
A few days ago we had arranged for them to pick me up for an important appointment as I didn't have any transport at that time. On the day of appointment mum called to say they were in car on way to me...
it had been a hectic, traumatic week and somehow, I'd genuinely lost track of time and forgotten about my appointment that day.
In my shock of realisation that I'd been so sill to forget such an important time, I shrieked down the phone to my mum " oh SHIT!! I totally forgot!!"
I didn't realise at the time, but mum had a friend in the car and her phone ex was on loudspeaker so everyone could hear my conversation including the " oh shit!!"
It didn't seem like a big deal at the time... but today on our dog walk, mum said that it isn't acceptable to be swearing, and it doesn't make her look in a good light in front of her ( posh rich) friends. Swearing is also something that her friends don't ever do and don't like to hear apparently... so I must never do it again.
Ok... so I understand that to an extent... and I certainly didn't want to offend anyone or upset my mum... and it was a sudden reaction rather than me using swear words freely and frequently. .. but what I WAS offended by, is that I was made to feel not good enough, a disappointment, and that I had to ultimately pretend to be something I'm not just to please others .
My mum can be a bit of a snob, and like to brag about things... so to have me say shit on the phone was a blight on her character or how she wished her friends to view her. ( very mrs Bucket)
The irony is... my mum swears like a sailor at home behind closed doors... and if I were to aswell she wouldn't be offended then!!
I've had a lifetime of emotional blackmail and control within my upbringing..,
I guess at 46, I'm starting to feel like rebelling against it now as I have just had enough not feeling good enough and not being able to just be me unless it falls within the parameters that my parents feel are acceptable.
Am I being unreasonable??
I did apologise and explain that it was purely a reaction from shock that I'd forgotten to be ready...
I was trying to see it from my mums perspective.. but as always, it's never seen from any other viewpoint than hers.
After apologising I said that I couldn't guarantee it wouldn't happen again as I'm just me , and I don't want to feel I'm walking on eggshells but I'd try to not embarrass her.
With that, mums reply was- "well there's ways round that... I'll just ignore your calls. "
I find this really immature and controlling behaviour.
I'd appreciate feedback