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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To disown my drug addicted brother

7 replies

zkekov01 · 18/05/2024 14:20

My brother is in his mid-20 and has suffered with addiction since he was 19. He barely drank before turning 18 but it seems after his first drink, he spiraled out of control and moved on to cannabis, ecstasy, cocaine, and pharmaceutical drugs (codeine, and valium).

He has pawned off my parents stuff. He never stole from me since my parents warned me when staying with me here in America (they live in Europe) but I believe that he may have used my debit card details as a $300 crypto purchase appeared on my bank account.

Understandably, my parents were advised to give him tough love but never dished it out apart from calling the police to give him a stern talk.

He was off drugs during COVID and thought he was genuinely getting better. He even got 5 A's in a diploma and went on to college but dropped out but is working a minimum wage job and "saving".

A few weeks ago, my mother visited our GP and he gave her condolences of her sister passing away from cancer. My mother was surprised and the GP told her that her son said his aunt died. Apparently it was to get tablets for valium. My mother confronted him and he says he's back on the tablets and alcohol.

My parents want him to go to rehab but I just want to be done. It's clear what they are doing is enabling. I understand addiction is a disease and trying not to be judgmental but their approach seem to be helping him at all. He's still being manipulative and still taking drugs even though they don't approve of it in their home.

OP posts:
LifeExperience · 18/05/2024 14:43

My brother was an addict and died of a heroin overdose at the age of 30. My parents never stopped trying, and as a mum I understand that, but I backed off from him years before he died.

You can't fix him, but you can keep your sanity by having minimal contact. Unless your brother decides to help himself, he will eventually die from his addiction. Prepare for that and be mentally ready to support your parents in the future. In the meantime, save yourself.

ComtesseDeSpair · 18/05/2024 15:19

I’d advise your parents to find another GP. The one they currently see is in all kinds of professional breach prescribing Valium to a known previous substance misuser and then providing his medical information to his parents.

If you live on separate continents then it should be fairly easy to avoid contact with your brother.

OriginalUsername2 · 18/05/2024 15:29

The pull in his body to get the drugs back in his system is so strong- that’s what causes the lying, the stealing, the manipulation. To him it will feel like he will die or go mad if he doesn’t get the substance back in his body.

Addiction is a terrible disease for everyone involved. It wouldn’t be unreasonable to get yourself some support, even if you are on another continent.

MagnetCarHair · 18/05/2024 15:39

If you disowned him, what would that change for you or him? How much contact do you currently have?

I guess what I am asking is, it this a practical decision that will insulate you from his chaos in a meaningful way or is this a symbolic gesture to punish your parents for not adopting this tough love stance?

Also, what terribly unprofessional doctors your dm / db have in terms of sensible prescribing and confidentiality.

Aquamarine1029 · 18/05/2024 15:51

How does you "disowning" him change anything? I would think the ocean between you is more than enough.

He barely drank before turning 18 but it seems after his first drink, he spiraled out of control and moved on to cannabis, ecstasy, cocaine, and pharmaceutical drugs (codeine, and valium).

This has self-medicating due to mental illness written all over it. You can't trust your brother as an addict, but condemning him is not the answer.

Rocknrollstar · 18/05/2024 16:46

Look after yourself first .Try to explain to your parents that there is no point him going to rehab unless he desperately wants to go. Otherwise it will be a waste of time and money.

Sapphire387 · 18/05/2024 21:03

You can't help an addict unless they want to stop. It's heartbreaking but I would also step back.

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