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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

if I don't want to go out because I can't find a babysitter?

17 replies

bohemianbint · 04/04/2008 12:56

Have been invited out for a meal at a friend's house, but can't get a babysitter.

She said if we couldn't get one to bring 19m DS with. Here's the thing - I know not everyone is into routine, but DS goes to bed at 7pm every night and we don't get a peep out of him for 12 hours straight, which I'm really happy about!

If we take him with, we'd have to take a travel cot, try to get him to settle in it at their house, then wake him up a couple of hours later to take him home in the car and try to settle him back in his own bed, which sounds simple enough when you see it written down, but believe me, it wouldn't be - DS isn't one of those kids that will just sleep anywhere when tired, he just keeps going and getting more and more grouchy.

I just feel it's a bit tight to disrupt him when he sleeps so well and would rather leave it, but does it sound like I'm being really anal?

OP posts:

cyteen · 04/04/2008 13:01

Not at all. You know your child, and if you know he's going to be majorly disrupted and grumpy then don't do it. Just thank your friend for the offer and ask if you can do it another time - I'm sure they'll understand.

Niecie · 04/04/2008 13:09

If you can't move him whilst he is asleep, then yanbu not to go. A good routine is too precious to mess up. Mine never went to sleep easily away from home although, if I was very lucky, I could pick them up and move them whilst still asleep but it is still a gamble. It didn't always work.

What it be possible to have your friend round at your house instead?

Original poster

bohemianbint · 04/04/2008 13:16

Oh thanks, I thought I was going to get flamed for being inflexible and boring!

I might see if they would rather come here, but they have a very new baby too (although prob easier to move a new baby than a flat out toddler!)

Thanks for the replies.

OP posts:

jojosmaman · 04/04/2008 13:20

No yanbu. If its one thing I've learnt since having ds its that sometimes even though its hard to say no, you just have to!

Eddas · 04/04/2008 13:25

the baby will be much easier to move than a toddler. Definately ask them to your house. and no YANBU. I have to explain to people without children, or with those with older children why it's a PITA to do things especially my dad

Julezboo · 04/04/2008 13:57

YANBU

Could you stay over at friends? Thats what we usually do. Or invite them to yours and ask them to stay over

Original poster

bohemianbint · 04/04/2008 14:38

thanks, will suggest that they can stay here too.

OP posts:

chunkychips · 04/04/2008 14:47

I know what you mean, I'm v loathe to cock up a winning formula, trouble is if you try (sometimes they surprise you) it could work fine or you could be left with a screaming and overtired ds and have to leave early which would be very disappointing. I would be inclined to give it a go once and if it didn't work, never do it again! At least if you try and they see the results they will understand if you don't repeat iyswim

Original poster

bohemianbint · 04/04/2008 14:51

see, this is the thing - we did try over Christmas and it was bloomin awful. DS ended up wide awake wanting to run about at 3am and I ended up kipping on his floor trying to get him to sleep. It was crap - not doing that again!

OP posts:

DaddyJ · 04/04/2008 14:56

Nah, I see exactly what you mean and, yes,
people without kids/ without routine usually cannot understand.

YANBU

CurrantBun · 04/04/2008 15:10

I'm totally with you on this and YANBU. My DS is in exactly the same sort of routine and I would not even contemplate disrupting him for a night out.

I may be inflexible and boring, but I have a contented, happy baby who sleeps 7pm-7am+ every night, and I am a happy mummy because I'm not constantly sleep-deprived!

Original poster

bohemianbint · 04/04/2008 15:14

Yup, CurrantBun, with you on that. The first 4 months of DS's life we had no structure at all (well, you can't, can you) but it was hideous and he never seemed to sleep longer than 20 minutes in a 24 hour period, ever. Once we started making an effort to actually put him in a quiet dark place to sleep life got so much better - I had been ready to throw myself out of the window. I would not go back to that if you paid me!

OP posts:

Elasticwoman · 04/04/2008 15:20

YANBU and you need to have the courage of your convictions, not to be swayed by people who think you should do otherwise. It is not their decision and they do not have to live with the consequences.

Original poster

bohemianbint · 04/04/2008 15:24

Elasticwoman - you're right, actually. In general too.

OP posts:

alicet · 04/04/2008 22:14

We were really rigid on this when ds1 was tiny as we too had a totally horrendous first couple of months with him and when we found something that worked we didn't want to break it! However we pushed it a couple of times and he responded really well and we would do this now (he is 26 months and ds2 is 6 months).

But you don't want to and having seen you have tried relatively recently and it didn't work I can totally understand why.

You are def not BU - hope your mate understands. Have to say even before I had kids I think I would have got this even if I might have thought 'well when I have kids I won't make such a rod for my own back'!!!' Oh how little you know then!!!!

bubblepop · 04/04/2008 22:52

yanbu. sometimes its just too much hassle going out..but you can cut yourself off from friends if you don't break the routine once in a while.

rookiemater · 05/04/2008 14:20

I was exactly like you with DS. Then we went on holiday and had a bad experience with the babysitter ( long story but we suspect that she had her boyfriend in the room).

So we tried taking DS out in his buggy after his bath and in his jim jams. Well he slept like a dream and it was also a lovely feeling knowing he was beside us.

So I can totally see where you are coming from, but honestly at 19mths if you give it a go and it doesn't work the worst you will have is 1 or 2 nights slightly disturbed sleep, but because he is so solidly in a routine I think he would sleep in the travel cot just fine.

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