Really worried- am I a bad neighbour?

[badneighbour2]

Hi,

just wanted to get an outside opinion on this because I’m not sure if I’m worried about nothing!

I live in a new build style house- it’s detached but as with any new build is very close to the houses beside it. There is probably about 3m between my en-suite bathroom window and my neighbours en suite bathroom window (bit of a guess but I think 3m is about right)

im just worried I’ve been too noisy and causing them problems. I’m severely asthmatic and cough a lot during the night. My DR etc is aware and I’m on a few asthma meds and it’s generally well controlled apart from the coughing but that’s just normal for me. I’m just worried they can hear my coughing all night long next door and it’s keeping them awake or something because of how close we are to them. I try to keep my windows closed but sometimes its boiling and I have to open them and I find when the room is less stuffy it makes my asthma better, but obviously that would make the noise worse for them. If I sleep in the other room then that’s close to the other neighbour whereas in my room the main window isn’t close to the neighbour, it’s just the en suite window that’s close.

the neighbours are lovely and have never raised any issues, but we rarely talk because we’re always working etc but they have been lovely any time we have spoke. And I don’t make any other noise at all- no parties, no bbqs, no late night hoovering etc.

is it likely I’m worrying about nothing? Just really worried it’s causing them problems. I’m just getting over flu/chest infection so the coughing has been awful for the last 2 weeks which is maybe making me more conscious and worried about it

is it likely I’m being an annoying neighbour? Would it be a good idea to go round with some chocolates or wine to say sorry?

thanks, just really worried I’m causing them problems x

As you're detached, I doubt they hear much. Do you hear much from inside their house?

How sweet of you to be so worried about your neighbour. I also try to be respectful with mine, but there are some things that we just cannot control. Of course you will not party until 04:00AM, but you coughing is something that you cannot solve, it's your health, that's it.

I don't think they can even hear you coughing, but if they do, most likely it's not bothering them so much, so don't worry about it.

Ive lived in several apartments, and I have never heard anyone coughing, so just forget about it, and if you need to open the window just open it, remember it's your health and that always comes first ❤️

Our neighbour said sorry last night for coughing. She shouldn't! She can't help it.

To be perfectly honest? It might well be pissing them off. But as someone who lives alongside very antisocial neighbours who clearly don’t give a shit, I’d say that your ‘noise’ is vastly different to the shrieking, screaming and slamming kinds of noises that make many people’s lives miserable.

in short, you sound considerate, op. So don’t worry, although it’s sweet that you do.

Hi @badneighbour2,

I'm so sorry to hear that you have such a terrible cough. That sounds really hard.

I think a lot will be down to the accoustics between your buildings, and that can be quite hard to judge without being there.

My neighbour's house is about 20 feet away, but the way that his extention is designed creates a perfect echo chamber which amplifies any sound that comes from his house. We can hear him talking on the phone with perfect clarity from right out in the street, even if he is talking quietly. Before the extension was put on, we couldn't hear anything at all. So I think it is really down to the specific configuration of your walls.

I think that you would need to get some one to stand outside while you cough, and you might find that nobody can hear you at all. That is the most likely thing.

I highly doubt it because yours not sharing walls, you're detached. Don't worry about it.

I wish you lived next door to me!!!

Keep the en-suite door shut. That should cut down on the noise

Why don't you just close the door & window in your ensuite & keep your bedroom window open?

Bless you for caring OP. You've absolutely nothing to worry about. Hope you feel better soon x

Honestly, you're allowed to exist!
A cough is unavoidable, if they can hear it they can hear it. If they need no human sounds they can move to the far edge of a village.

Playing music or doing DIY at 6am are a different thing entirely.

They've moved now but my old neighbour often coughed and in the summer when both my and their bedroom windows were open I heard her coughing every morning, no shared wall. Why would you not hear sounds when the windows are open?

One of our neighbours coughs up a lung every morning. One of their kids plays the trumpet! They’re nice people, we overlook it. I’m sure there are things we do that annoy them. Our houses are detached but close.

When you are in your bathroom and they are in their bathroom they might be able to hear you but otherwise I would think not, unless you hear a lot of noise from their house throughout the day and night?

With kindness, please seek support for anxiety. You should have a local iapt service you can refer yourself to.

No one will worry lf they hear you cough though.People shouting ,loud music and so on are the bugbears .You cant help coughing!

I very much doubt they can here anything, and I definitely wouldn't go round to apologise, it may end up actually causing a problem!

Have you ever had your attention drawn to a noise that you've not actually noticed, and then you just can't stop hearing it. At the moment your cough is probably just quiet background noise that they're filtering out, if they can hear it at all. They'll only start noticing it if you draw attention to it

I’ve got an asthmatic cough and they are awful. But, I wouldn’t think the neighbours would be bothered - coughing, vomiting (for whatever reason) etc are just human noises.

I would think the neighbours are just happy that they haven’t got the “neighbours from hell” next door, with things like feral kids, loud parties and endless slamming around.🙂

You sound so considerate! You could just mention it, like I'm so sorry if I've kept you up with my coughing... Sometimes that makes all the difference!

I think it's just really nice that you actually care, though.

You're completely overthinking this.

You're in your own bathroom coughing and you're worried about the neighbours.

Concentrate on your health and stop worrying about this.

Stuff like this can’t be helped, stop worrying op. The inconsiderate neighbours are the ones that put their kids in the garden on the weekend before 9, moan at you for daring to park in front of your house etc, miserable gits where it’s stuff you can control as another pp said. Not coughing!!!

You think you’re a terrible neighbour because you’re asthmatic? Being a bit hard on yourself surely?

I wouldn’t mention it, they’ll mention it if it is bothering them. If you bring it up, it might bring it to their attention. Keep your ensuite door and window shut and you could always get a fan for hot nights, which will act as white noise and keep the air flowing around your room from the open window.

I'm the same with coughing & having asthma. It can't be helped I really wouldn't stress about it. I honestly wish you were my neighbour. Coughing isn't something you can help........we get woken up & disturbed regularly to screaming & shouting. I used to be worried & apologised for my coughing but obviously my neighbours aren't as considerate 🙈